What is this "religion"?

by Kom 197 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • Kom 197
    Kom 197

    For a long time, I was convinced Jehovah witnesses were just people preaching the word of god in a different way than other christians. I was shown the real truth over the past few months.

    I've been friends with this guy for over 5 years. We've been through our trials and tribulations and finally in October of last year we decided to date. It was exciting and everything a loving relationship is. He however is a Jehovah Witness. I knew him before he was a witness, but because of circumstances in his life, he sought redemption in a congregation because he was lonely and lost. I was happy he was trying to find God, until I found out what this "religion" was really about.

    I knew he was a Jehovah witness when I agreed to be his girlfriend, he knew he was a Jehovah witness when he asked me out. He did it anyway without hesitation and without believing it was wrong. We spent 5 wonderful months together. Of course we discussed our different beliefs, but he always reassured me we could somehow make it work and I always went out of my way to show I respect his beliefs. Everything was fine, until he asked me to visit his Kingdom Hall and I accepted. His elders noticed me and they knew I wasn't a part of the JW. So a week later, he was called to have a meeting with his elders. Now this process was nerve wracking for men because he was straight out told the meeting was about me. So days before while we are spending time together I express to my then boyfriend that I am afraid of what they will tell him about me, as I do my best to respect his religious beliefs I don't believe I should be condemned. He assured me that he has free will and that he would not be breaking up with me and that we were going to be ok ( mind you this was literally two days before he went to talk to his elders). The night he "had the conversation" he immediately texted me and told me our relationship is a problem and we have to break up. Up until that point in our relationship, he never seemed guilty about being with me or about the level of intimacy we had together ( all of which he instigated we do together). He did spark our intimate relationship and I did not mind. He however mentioned that he wanted to start refraining from being intimate and I agreed that we should wait to "go all the way." However even after he said this he still pushed for us to intimate together. He didn't seem to have any regrets, or feel guilty about it and never mentioned feeling anything about it until his elders requested to talk to him. So back to the night he spoke to his elders, I don't know what was exactly said but I'm starting to piece it all together. He said all they did was give him advice and bible scriptures, but he has free will and he has made the decision to break up with me two days ago. But two days ago he was still very sure that we would be ok and not break up.

    Other points became very clear to me that he was debating with his elders to not make him choose between me and God. He said he told them that I was trying to help him stay true to his faith ( I only wanted him to be committed to God) and his elders said that they wanted me to meet them and meet with other sisters of the congregation. So, he's admitting to me he was basically having this debate with them, how am I supposed to believe that they didn't push him to break up with me? None of it adds up. Then he hit me with the uneven yoking concept. Which really hit me, because he's accusing me of not being a believer of God, but I know when his elders told him this, they meant I was not a believer of their organization. Why would anyone commit their soul to an organization? That's not God that's not religion. I saw a clear switch of character in my now ex boyfriend from an hour before he went to speak to his elders to the very moment he got back home. Just hours before that meeting we made plans to do things together, he was expressing his love to me as we normally do, and it seemed like nothing would happen. I know this decision hurt him, he looked very torn and confused and frustrated when we met up and talked. But he said he could not turn his back on Jehovah which confused me because I never asked him to turn his back on God. He said we could still have a future together if I chose to commit myself to the Jehovah Witness organization. So I did my research because none of this made any sense.

    I've found countless stories of people who went through this. What really hit me is that people say the JW organization is a cult and that their members are brainwashed. Then I started to remember little things that happened in our relationship that pointed to his odd behavior. I'm so conflicted because I always want to respect people's beliefs and views, but how can this be right? He wants to be with me but won't because these people have convinced him that he will be betraying god by doing so. At this point, it's not even about our relationship, it's about the fear I have of what will happen to him if he stays in this organization. Is he always going to be so conflicted and give up things that make him happy? How can you truly know god this way? Especially in an organization that is known for false prophecies. I want to help him, but I really don't feel like I can. His point of being in JW is to have the people in his life and to know god. But how do you truly know god if you're not even allowed to know the other side of situations? How can you know God if youre not allowed to question anything? He needs to know that he has committed himself to a group of men and not to God. I grew up with the idea that Gods love is unconditional, boundless, and forgiving. In JW, it's their way or no way. The rest of us are basically Satan, I want to ask my ex what will happen to his family when they die. Does it not bother him that his religion believes they will all perish? The JW became a part of his life when he was very vaunerable, this is so difficult to see and I wish I knew what I know now a few months ago. I've known him for years, we have always been in sync with each other and he has loved me and has been trying to be my boyfriend since we were 14 years old ( were both 20 now). Then suddenly, he goes to one meeting, and now he barely knows me. He has said he regrets breaking up with me, but he can't turn his back on Jehovah and how this is the best life he has been given in terms of a job and what not. I want to point out to him that God did that and not the witnesses which he seems to be forgetting. He should not be part of a group of people who are out to control his life. They've even taken away his preaching rights because he was with me. I am a believer of God, and this has conflicted me so much. Advice would be greatly appreciated.

  • neat blue dog
    neat blue dog

    You've been together for too long to give up. Don't be too hard on him he's experiencing undue influence. Three elders in a private environment can be VERY intimidating. Be loving and show him JWfacts.com

  • dubstepped

    Run!!!!!!!! He's in a cult. He's not free from the indoctrination, he's not got free will, and he will fuck you over if you keep going down this path.

    Forget how long you've known each other. If you met him today in a bar you'd run. Don't throw good time after bad. In fact, the fact that you've known each other since you were so young probably means he's been subtly influencing you to brainwash you too. JWs can't help it. Brainwashed people brainwash people.

    Run, run, run. You're on a forum with people that know the ins and outs of this cult and we can't save our family members, so what chance do you have? Very little. He has to want to break away and you can't make someone want something that they don't want.

  • neat blue dog
    neat blue dog

    He hasn't been brainwashing her for years, that's absurd. It's not like he was raised as a JW or ever really and truly lived as one. He was at a weak point, was spiritually curious, was love-bombed by the JWs and then intimidated in a whirlwind. He's still at a point where he could go either way. No person is worth giving up on without even trying, especially since you love him and I'm sure he really does too. It's worth a try.


    Especially regarding false prophecy, disfellowshipping, child abuse, etc.

  • just fine
    just fine

    I would not knowingly put myself in a position to get tangled up with the JW religion. I agree with dubstepped - run!

    You deserve to be with someone who can respect your differences and love you anyway. This person is going to ask you to change all of your beliefs and who you are as a person. The cost is too high.

  • dubstepped

    @neatbluedog - I have to admit that with a migraine today the walls of text that she wrote tended to run together so perhaps I mistook how strong his relationship with the JWs was.

    And perhaps brainwashing was the wrong term, but no doubt a long term relationship starting so young has a sort of enmeshment (substitute that for brainwashing) that is extra hard to pull away from. Clearly this lady has her own spiritual walk but it's likely that if he's a strong personality or has a strong pull toward the cult then he's impacted her. That much is clear or she wouldn't be here.

    What's absurd is to encourage a person to pursue a relationship at such a young age and with so little experience where the guy already broke up with her for the cult. Go find someone more healthy. You're young and chasing something you started at 14 that has at least one major red flag. Most people aren't with the person they were with at 14 long term. There are reasons for that. Not that it can't work, but you're chasing something that has proven to be bad instead of pursuing good. That's my opinion. Yours may differ. We're not in a cult and don't have to agree.

  • stuckinarut2

    First, Hello and Welcome!

    I'm so sorry that you have had to ride this roller coaster!

    Sadly, all you have described is typical of the way that the Organisation can guilt the JWs with manipulation and fear. You are right - This is not normal behaviour. However, unless the one being manipulated sees it for all it is, there is little chance of you shining a spotlight on the inappropriateness of the cults behaviour.

    Cult specialists use the BITE method of describing this:

    Behaviour Control

    Information Control

    Thought Control

    Emotional Control

    Ask yourself, "does all of this indicate that the Organisation is a high control cult?" If the answer is yes, then this is your chance to look at things in the cold light of day and see whether or not you want to waste your life chasing someone who is bound to such a highly controlling group.

    Much love!

  • sparrowdown

    If he has demonstrated he will not stand up for himself or those who are his true friends is a sign you may always have to take a backseat to this religion - a religion that doesn't give a crap about him or you! If you decide to hang around after this happens too many times it kinda gives him permission to treat you like this.

    JWs will treat non-JW people like disposable dirt if you let them. You will need to protect yourself when it comes to this religion if he won't say no to it.

  • Are you serious
    Are you serious

    Don't look back! Doesn't matter how much of a nice guy he's been, how loving he is, etc, the cult will control the direction his life takes completely. Cult members can be the smartest people in the world but once your under the influence of the cult all of the intelligence and reasoning go out the window. You will not be the most important person in his life any longer and you will have many fights and arguments over his being part of the cult. You will lead a separate life from his. Please listen to the advice and run.

  • ttdtt

    I have to say - RUN. It will never work out, the brainwashing is to much of a problem.

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