I think this is an important question...

by The Rebel 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • Listener

    That was a really sweet thing to do, writing a Valentines Card. It can't be easy for blokes who are usually the ones that take the first obvious step in starting a serious relationship and subject themselves to the possibility of being rejected.

  • LoveUniHateExams

    Perhaps it depends. If the man is earning silly amounts of money and the woman wants to bear his children, stay at home and be a housewife, then I think the man should pay.

    But, generally I'd say the bill should be split.

  • ToesUp

    I guess it depends on how much you really like the person you are sitting across from.

    My spouse (married over 30 years) sometimes "forgot" his wallet . I (the woman) paid. It's cool....I liked him. He is the ONLY guy I really liked. We were best friends then and still are. We are very fortunate (as JW's would say...blessed).

    There may come a time in life when the wife makes more money or has to support the family financially. It's no big deal, we are a team and the money goes in the family "pot." That may not work for some, but it worked great for us. It still does.

  • DJS

    according to a study presented by the American Sociological Association, after surveying 17,061 unmarried and heterosexual men and women in 2013, the study found that men want women to pay for dates from time to time. However, they are often afraid to say so.

    "The specifics stated that 84 percent of men and 58 percent of women said that in their dating situations, men paid for most dating expenses. (I will interject here that many of the 58 % of women in this study are liars, as it is more likely matches the 84% of men). About 39 percent of women hoped that guys would not ask them to chip in, and in fact, were bothered when men “expected” them to contribute. However, 64 percent of men felt that a woman should pick up the tab sometimes, but 76 percent said they felt “guilty” if they made their wishes for shared responsibilities known. Still, a surprising 44 percent of men said they would STOP seeing a woman who never tried to pay for dates."

    I am an expert on this issue. The vast majority of US women never offer to pay for dates. There are generational differences. Baby Boomers will rarely if ever pay, while Gen-Xers will at times offer and Millennials more likely to offer. And yes I have broken off with women who never offer; it has become a metric for me. These women are also typically selfish in other ways, which explains why I've been single for 22 years.

    Other studies suggest that most men want and expect to pay for the first few days but expect a woman to at least offer after the 3rd or 4th date. My current GF is by far the most generous, and in every way. She offered to pay from the beginning.

    She is also from India.

  • The Rebel
    The Rebel

    On a first date " split equally" or " each person pays what what they personally ate or drunk" still means it's going to take at least another meal before you get too see her in Sanitex Rubber Body-Stockings.

    Sorry for my silly humor, I am not a shallow person the first girl I fell in love with had a wart on her knee, and was in class 2b, I remember that although I was only five.

  • FreeGirl2006

    When I was in the dating pool, over 6 years ago, I would agree to meet for coffee or a drink for a first date and I went with the intention of paying for whatever I ordered. If the man offered to pay, I certainly let him. I only went to dinner if we had an enjoyable time at the coffee date. If the man asked me to dinner, I assumed he would pay for it (although, again I was willing to pay for my own dinner if I got the indication the man thought he was paying ahead for sex). Flowers on a first date was a bit much for me as an adult...maybe because the dubby boys never bothered with such things when I was a teen in dub-world.

    In response to DJS--when my current boyfriend and I started to date (and we continue to do this) we alternated who paid for dates. I don't mind paying as I am a modern woman, and good or bad, I make more money than he does. I walk to the beat of my own drum and the dating tropes that exist are so tiresome. I do enjoy when a man holds open the door or opens the car door for me. I find courtesy men sexy. I have girlfriends who have a list of rules for whomever they will date--always pay for the dates, flowers & candy, have to drive a certain car, etc (and a string of men who line up to be their obedient love slaves). To each his own.

  • Late Bloomer
    Late Bloomer

    Whoever asks for the date pays or

    Whoever chooses the restaurant (or movie, or activity) pays or

    Become gay so it's always the man (or woman) who pays.

  • DJS

    @Rebel: "Sorry for my silly humor, I am not a shallow person . ."

    That's ok. I'm more than shallow enough for the two of us. Or the rest of the men on this site.

  • Ucantnome

    b not just the first date

  • Divergent

    The Rebel:

    When I first met my wife and on that so important first date I was 21 years old and sadly broke

    Sounds like a typical young JW pioneer... LOL

    Glad you made it out & have a better life now!

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