Gayle's advice was good. Test if she will check out the flaws in JWs. Just say you googled to try and understand. If she checks with you, then there is hope. If she won't, then that shows what you are up against.
I'm Catholic and madly in love with a Jehovah Witness...
by Luge62 61 Replies latest jw friends
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fastJehu
@ Luge62
Still if she will leave the JWs, she was 30 years in (if she is a born in).
That will affect almost all her actions.
She will say for example: I never had birthdays, christmas, halloween and so on - and it's difficult, to do all this together with you and your family.
Like others said: Your only hope is, that she can see, that JWs are a cult and that they have not "the truth".
She also "learned" in the cult, that a 20 years older man is OK. Many reasons for this:
- 2/3 woman and only 1/3 JWs are men
- "the end is near" - and in "paradise" we will have all young and healthy bodies
So after having realized, that JWs are a cult, MAYBE she will change her mind about a "20 years older man". This is not against you and your age (I am also in this age).
Good luck for you.
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Sledge Hammer
Hello Luge,
you have no clou about being a Jehovah's Witness, is it correct? My first impulse, what to say, is: run boy, run - run as fast as you could.
But I know for someone, who is fallen deeply in love, it's like to tear his own heart out. So, leaving will be painful but being married with a JW maybe either.
But as long there's a spark of hope in you, it could work, you have to try it. But be sure, it won't be easy. Take your time before married, make all things very, very clear (how to handle famyli-parties, Holidays, children, Bloodtransfusion etc.)
Please watch the film 'Worlds apart - To Verdener' (Best Film ever about JWs)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fP0grwoiF-w
and you can get an impression of all problematics, especially for your soulmate.
I really do hope for you both, love will capture a victory!
P.S.: Sorry for my bad english
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Truthexplorer
Hi Luge, I was Catholic before joining this high control religion. So, I can see things from your perspective. Best thing to do is just be open and honest with each other. Tell her that your lives need to be balanced. things might be rough for a while but eventually things will settle back down again for her. As long as you are both balanced in your marriage, and allow her to do her thing, and you yours, things will be fine. She will go to her meetings (there are many women attending who are married to unbeliving marriage mates btw); but that she also respects you and your interests too, within reason. The negative stuff mentioned so far, sadly CAN be the case. It depends on the elders in her hall. The elders MAY play things down and let sleeping dogs lie, but there most definately wont be a white wedding at the Kingdom Hall for sure! The elders follow a book of rules and policies laid down by 7 dudes in New York. These men are called by a business corporation name ' the Governing body' would you believe! It might be worth downloading their book of rules to see how they handle matters. Its called 'Shepherd the flock of God'. Information is power as they say. You very obviously love her. My advice for you is to have good honest open communication coupled with deep respect for each other as the way forward. I wish you and your girlfriend the very best. TE -
roberto avon
try to find out how much she really is involved, for example; my wife never says " THE TRUTH but her RELIGION. -
Sofia Lose
Any JW that mixes romantically with a non-JW is not a 'true' JW; mixing up with non-JWs is a huge "no-no"! Unless you are willing to become a lukewarm JW yourself in the future, you better make things very clear with this person, or down the road the relationship will fail and create much misery in the case that children are involved.
Protect yourself.
SL
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TheListener
Hi Luge. I hope you're still reading and really thinking.
So many posters hit the nail on the head. Please excuse the yelling but it's critical BEING A WITNESS ISN'T SOMETHING YOU DO; IT IS SOMETHING YOU ARE. IT PERMEATES 99.99% OF EVERY DECISION THAT IS MADE. This includes clothing styles, makeup, hair, car you drive, sex, own or rent home, vacations, reading, tv, movies, politics, news stories (OMG news stories, everything good or bad shows Armageddon is tomorrow), long term planning (there isn't much) and work (such as promotions, education, overtime, etc).
I would add that what happens a lot is that the witness who marries outside the Lord will begin to feel a sense of guilt after a certain amount of time (the amount of time depends on the person) and when they return to Jehovah they will be more involved and active in the congregation than ever before.
In her mind you are great guy and since you are a great guy she knows you will make a great witness. Everyone in the congregation and her family will work towards that result. You will be viewed as a potential witness for the duration of your relationship. I can't tell you how many unbelieving husbands I have befriended because we wanted to show them how normal witnesses are and how great it is to be one. I was really their friend, but it was conditional. Once they showed no interest or potential I moved on since I wasn't interested in having a worldly friend.
In her mind and in her family's mind you will be separating her from Jehovah and costing her everlasting life in a paradise earth. That's not a great foundation for a marriage.
Don't even get me started on having kids and raising them in that type of environment. Trust me, I do it every day!
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WasOnceBlind
OR.......she might end up like me!
I married a catholic girl while being a JW, I was marked, everyone except my childhood best friend starting treating me different and pretty much shunning me. It was one of the factors in realizing it was a BS cult, I stopped attending and never missed those hypocrites.
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Incognito
Welcome!
The comments here are mostly from once active JWs. Well they maybe hard to accept, the comments are honest and are based upon knowledge and experience in JW doctrine and practices.
While some have advocated assisting your girlfriend to escape the JW religion, in all actuality, unless she realizes for herself that the JW religion is not "The Truth", there will always be potential that she will return to it even if she does not practice for some time.
While you or anyone else could present endless evidence proving the religion to be wrong, most JWs will only ignore the information and will resent the presenter for attempting to offer it.
With regard to JWs being married to 'non-believers', there have been endless WT/Awake articles and sermons on the topic of marriage, particularly regarding not to even consider dating a non-believer. One statement made at a circuit assembly, compared a JW kissing a non-JW spouse to kissing a 'corpse' since JWs believe that non-JWs will be exterminated at armageddon.
While there can always be examples presented where a JW & non-JW marriage was successful, those are uncommon. While a mixed religion marriage may always present a challenge, the JW religion is most often assured to create a problem for reasons already mentioned.
While you may hope that it won't be, I think in the background, you realize your girlfriend's religion will be a problem in your relationship otherwise, you wouldn't be here asking for input and support.
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Frazzled UBM
Luge
The best thing you can do is not take any of these posts as gospel but heed the warnings in them. You are taking on plenty of risk by getting involved with a JW but it could turn out a number of ways - it could go down the horror path painted by many or it could turn out fine as it has for me and others -- read back through some of my early threads to see how scary it can get and then the later ones to see how I made progress. The key though is to properly understand the BITE (behavioural, information, thought and emotional) control the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society exercises (principally through fear and psychological manipulation) over its membership and how that can impact the behaviour of your loved one and her family. It is a truly evil organisation. Do not let love blind you to the risks and dangers. My inactive JW wife and I are very happy after knowing each other for 10+ years and being married for 5. PM me if it would help.
Good luck Frazzled