Do You Still Feel Obliged To Answer To The Elders?

by minimus 36 Replies latest jw friends

  • minimus

    For some, there is real fear that they must speak to the elders if they decide to stop by your house .Some don't know what they will do if the elders begin questioning them. What will you do if they want to talk to you?

  • Shutterbug

    I don't feel an obligation to talk with the elders, but will happily do so as long as I control the agenda. If they can't live with that, they can leave, hopefully the easy way. Bug

  • Eppie

    Hm interesting question again minimus! It's very applicable for me now as I yesterday ran into a JW in town while walking hand in hand with my worldly boyfriend and while smoking a cigarette.. She came up to me and said 'hey don't i know you?' And I just said 'no, I don't think so, maybe we just go to the same stores or so'. She seemed convinced but if not.....she of course will go to an elder to hand me in. And what would I do then? Seriously I would just ignore them! Then they probably would just df me but then they cannot do that on another ground than my unwillingness, I don't want to answer any more questions, don't want to talk to them, to put any energy in convincing them even though i know that's impossible. I don't feel like being afraid of getting Dfd anymore! They can do it if they really want to, no more fear, no more looking over my shoulder when lighting a cigarette, tough luck, this is me they can do whatever they want but can't hurt me anymore.


  • blondie

    Well, since they are calling and I am not answering, caller ID is a wonderful invention, I guess I should be prepared, eh, minimus, in case they "drop by" saying they just happened to be in the neighborhood (I live outside the territory). I will come with my robe on and say it's not a good time. I'll let them know when it is. Thank them for concern, but it is good to call first. Then just shut the door saying I can't stand in the draft any more.

    If it is a judicial matter, they will have to speak up and say so. No fishing expeditions allowed at my house. They can always send a letter, but then they don't like anything in writing, do they?

    All these years, faithfully going and being totally ignored both at the meetings and socially. Now I miss the meetings for a few months, and everyone wants to be my friend. Doesn't sound like the way Jesus would act.

    Blondie(subject to no man, including my husband)

  • JT
    but will happily do so as long as I control the agenda.

    you have spoken so well-

    this is one issue that i try very hard to help former jw to "GET", and that is what view they NOW need to have towards elders-

    If you view them for what they are "Cheese and Cracker Men" the fear of them literally flees away from you.

    for at that point you realize that these BOOZOS HAVE no right to ask you did you have Anal Sex-

    we are talking about the guys in the mailroom questioning you

    if you were walking down the street in any city or town and someone walked up and asked

    what is your mom maiden name, what is your SSN, what is your checking and saving acct num

    i dare say that almost 99.999% of us would think they must be out of their DAMN MIND

    and for all practical purposes that is what the elders are like when they question you and i in the context of We speak for god

  • sandy


    You always ask interesting questions.


    I have been in active for 4 years now, before that I was active for maybe 6 months after a 2 year in active period.

    I am afraid to talk to the Elders. I think they play on peoples emotions. After I stopped attending meetings this last time one of the Elders came over to visit my brother and then asked to speak to me. He asked me why I stopped going to meetings after I was doing so well.

    I couldn't even speak, I automatically started to cry and just said I don't know. He tried to read me scriptures but they did not help me. To this day I have not returned except for once, to attend my Uncle's funeral.

    They tried and tried to contact me off and on for about a year but I ignored them. I guess they finally got the hint they do not bug me anymore ( knock on wood ) .

    I hope the next time they do contact me I will be strong enough to say:

    Hey look, when and if I want to talk to you I will call you, so until then, please leave me alone. Thank you. Then I'll smile and say have a nice day!

    Yeah Right, In my Dreams! I am working on my courage.

  • xjw_b12

    Do You Still Feel Obliged To Answer To The Elders?

    OBLIGE(D) Defination :

    1. to bind morally, legally, or physically.

    2. to place under a debt of gratitude.

    3. to favour or help out.

    I guess the answer based on all 3 of the above would be........... NO

    However I might change my attitude if the elders felt obliged to answer to me !

  • JH

    When elders stop over, it is always a serious matter. Too bad they can't come over as a friend dressed in ordinary cloths like me. It would be less tense.

    Since they lie to us (theocratic warefare), I feel I can say whatever I want to them (my theocratic warefare).

    Works bothways.

  • ApagaLaLuz

    I had an elder call me last year when rumors surfaced of loose conduct between my now married, ex-fiancee, and myself while dating. I explained to the elder that whatever happened was along time ago, it was between him and I. I also told him I refused to meet with them because they held no authority over me. I didn't answer to them. And they had no meaning whatsoever in my life. That was the last I ever heard from them

  • Dawn

    "What will you do if they want to talk to you?"

    I feel no obligation whatsoever - no more than I feel obligated to answer questions from my grocer's bag boy.

    However - I would LOVE to have them come by for a "shepherding" call - you know, the ones they're supposed to make. I have lots of fun questions that I could ask and maybe plant some seeds.

    I see them now as lost sheep and if I could help steer them in the right direction that would be great. But they have no authority over me.

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