My boyfriend is thinking of becoming reinstated

by gypsyvine 34 Replies latest social relationships

  • gypsyvine
    gypsyvine

    I'm not really sure where to post this.

    I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months now and I've really never been happier. I was brought up in the Church of Christ with an Elder father and I really believe in my religion, although I will admit to being a lousy Christian at times due to sheer laziness (not wanting to get out of bed on Sunday)

    My boyfriend essentially lives with me. His entire family is JW - he is currently disfellowshipped, but has been talking about getting reinstated and actually told his mom he would get reinstated (he's really just doing this to please her). Then supposedly he's going to stop going and I guess just keep me some kind of secret and then marry me someday even though I'll never be a JW. It's all very confusing. Should I just get out now? He got DF'd about 2-4 months before we met I believe.

    This is really hard because I've never been so in love, but I am open to the harsh truth.

  • jaydee
    jaydee

    Were to begin...

    depends were his head 's at ...does he believe it still ?

    or get reinstated for family reasons then fade on his terms

    if you stay together, and he still has it all in his head, that could be a problem down the track

    with kids, education, medical issues etc .

    I mean what is his thinking ???

  • OneEyedJoe
    OneEyedJoe

    You're in for a difficult ride if you stick with him. You've had a short relationship, so I suspect that most here will advise you to run as fast as you can, but only you can make the decision regarding how much you want to try and potentially sacrifice knowing that there's a strong chance that this will end in heartbreak.

    My advice would be to have a serious conversation with him to gauge his motivations and level of indoctrination. See if you can get him to review the content of jwfacts.com, the book Crisis of Conscience, or the book Combatting Cult Mind Control. If he refuses this is evidence that the JW indoctrination is still very strong. If he agrees, there's a good chance that he'll "wake up" and realize the extent of his indoctrination and the systematic deception that he has been subjected to.

    If he's simply getting reinstated so that he can be around his family, then no big deal...if its because he believes in the cult doctrine then your relationship probably has an expiration date. The elders are often very snoopy and there's a fair chance they'll discover your relationship and he will not be reinstated if he's living with you while unwed. Between this possibility and the guilt he'll feel from meetings and the indoctrination about "worldly" people (which includes you) there is a fair chance that he'll end the relationship as he begins to rejoin the cult.

    I hope things work out and I hope you're able to free him from his indoctrination. If he's saying that he's only getting reinstated to please his mother then I think you have a chance. Unfortunately getting reinstated (or making the effort to do so) can have some powerful psychological effects that may cause him to embrace the cult on a greater level. The social pressure he'll be subjected to will be strong as well. Your best chance is to try to free him from indoctrination before his involvement with the cult grows. It would be a good idea for you to read Combating Cult Mind Control regardless of whether he does. This will help you understand the indoctrination that he's been subjected to and it will give you a better chance of freeing him from it.

    All that said, no one would blame you for simply deciding that this is all too much and moving on. This is a HUGE undertaking and a HUGE risk to your emotional and mental well-being.

    Good luck! I'm wishing you all the best in this, whatever path you choose.

  • out4good4
    out4good4

    I think you're going to hear a lot of people tell you here that you should run for your life......and at a time when you think you're far enough away from him run some more.

    Do you really want to subject yourself for some undeterminant time to being someone's secret side-piece because they can't man-up to mommy?

    Don't you think you deserve better?

  • new boy
    new boy

    Well, if he gets reinstated and gets caught with you on one of your sleep overs he will get "popped" again, DF'd. Plus there will be a big push for him to find a "good" JW girl by his folks. So they can have "good" JW grand kids.

    Good luck, there may not be a happy ending on this one.

  • slimboyfat
    slimboyfat
    I doubt he'll go through with it. It's not easy getting reinstated. If his mum is still talking to him that's the main thing.
  • macys
    macys

    Wow read my posts! I am currently going through the reinstatement process in an almost identical situation. It is not easy on a relationship like ours. PM me gurl!

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath
    do you know what he got d/f for ?
  • gypsyvine
    gypsyvine
    @stan livedeath I think for smoking weed and having sex or something?
  • gypsyvine
    gypsyvine
    His mother loves me by the way... which is so weird. Like invites me over for dinner and we have gone out drinking before..

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