My boyfriend is thinking of becoming reinstated

by gypsyvine 34 Replies latest social relationships

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once
    It sounds as if he likes to play false with people. Why should you think he'll be any different with you? Think clearly. Keep playing house without a commitment or find someone willing to commit and live your life honestly. If you like it the way it is I guess its your life. Enjoy the drama!
  • Doubtfully Yours
    Doubtfully Yours

    If he is reinstated, unless you want to convert to JWism, you are in for a rude awakening. Start planning for the many times he will be awol from your life.

    As in love as you are, start to imagine him GONE.🙁


  • steve2

    His love for you in the short term - 4 slim little months! - is as nothing compared to his love for his JW mom in the much, much longer term.

    There is nothing quite so unattainable for a woman in love as a man knitted tightly to his mommy.

    Honey, his once being a JW and now a disfellowshipped one has simply taught him how to be duplicitous - a word that is well worth looking up and pondering because that is a quality your very "new" man displays so very well.

    I'd tell you to run from this relationship, but I don't think you will.

    You'll need a lot more feeling torn up inside before it deeply dawns on you that your man is under Mommy's firm thumb.

    Cool that she's so nice to you - she knows who will "get" her boy in the longer term and it's certainly not you.

    Oh, by the way, best not tell him you've visited this site - a big fat No No for JWs and people who love them.

  • out4good4
    Oh, by the way, best not tell him you've visited this site - a big fat No No for JWs and people who love them.

    Or better yet, since you all are so cool together and your are firm in your resolve to not be recruited by them, tell them, especially his mom.

    Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

  • gypsyvine
    @steve2 - thank you for that. Hard to read, but all made sense.
  • TheListener

    Welcome gypsyvine. Glad you decided to post and get some advice and comments. There are a lot of people on the forum that have been through something similar and from time to time new posters like yourself will come here to get advice.

    My 2 cents; I believe that his mother, if she is a JW, is hoping that by treating you with kindness, love and respect you will eventually convert. They will treat you great as long as there is a chance that you will convert one day. I'm surprised that his mother has anything to do with her son since he's disfellowshipped, that's a no no.

    If he gets reinstated, which isn't automatic, it takes time and effort and a good deal of humility in the face of disgusting shunning by everyone at his kingdom hall, he will then be a regular JW in good standing. Which means he must believe the teachings of the Watchtower Society (JW organization name). That means he believe that almost all non-JWs will die very soon at Armageddon and that a career or education in this system of things is meaningless and useless.

    If you already know how he feels about these things now, that's good, if not try to find out to see if he is really in the JW mindset. If he is, then you are in for a rough ride emotionally.

    Have you had him read items which disagree with his beliefs? Would he be willing to read something like That would be a sure way to gauge his attachment to the JW organization.

    I wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out for you.

  • karter

    If he gets reinstated you may well end up playing second fiddle to a f##ed up religion and by the sound of it his mother.

    Best you sit him down and have a long talk with him about were your relationship will go if he goes back to the J.W's,Remember the religion will always come 1st you a poor 2nd.

    It's difficult for an outsider to understand but thats the way it is.

    Good luck what ever way you go.


  • Crazyguy
    If he's going to do it just for family then leave again then you maybe fine. But it would be good on your part to reinforce his willingness to leave by showing him that his cult is that and also wrong and not gods only organization. Go to he needs to get out metally.
  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    First of all... this is not your fault.

    You were raised in a religion that the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society, in its doctrinaire hegemony, proclaims is DEMONIC. But to be fair, you're in good company, because the WTB&TS teaches that ALL other religions are demonic, and they are "the ONLY true religion."

    You tell us, "I was brought up in the Church of Christ with an Elder father and I really believe in my religion."

    If your boyfriend was living up to HIS proclaimed belief, he would be condemning you for your choice of FALSE RELIGION.

    YOUR boyfriend is a freaking hypocrit! He keeps you as his SECRET.

    Is this what you feel you WANT? Is this what you feel you DESERVE?

    In his mind, he's got it made, boffing his secret girlfriend and fooling his JW friends into thinking he is on the straight-and-narrow.

    Oh... wait... maybe I've got that wrong. How presumptuous of me! Maybe for four months he's been living at your place in a TOTALLY CELIBATE relationship. Sure.

    You are in GREAT DANGER. If he gets reinstated, you run the risk that he will suddenly become the totalitarian cultist that is now gestating in his reptilian brain.

    Four months is a short time. Dump him now and find yourself a boyfriend who has only one face and does not treat you like his secret sex tart.

    You CANNOT AFFORD to gamble with your life and your mental health by betting that he is going to get reinstated and then do a fade. If you take this bet and things go wrong, you'll still be able to escape, but at a much greater cost.


  • Giordano

    Well it sounds like your both kinda in the same boat. He's a DF JW you were brought up in the Church of Christ and have an Elder father and don't like to get up early on a Sunday.........

    Sounds to me that you both need to step away from any church that demands obedience and has conditional love. I know all about the JW religion but very little about the Church of Christ as pertains to premarital relationships, excommunication/disfellowshiping.

    Unfortunately for him to go through the process of reinstatement he is going to have to keep this relationship secret for a year or three depending on the mood and temperament of his Elders. He could not afford to be caught living with you in fact just dating a worldly girl is something that could postpone his reinstatement. If his mom is aware then she would be compromised as would J.W. family and friends. That alone could be a problem. Also his returning to the religion and becoming a true believer could be an even bigger problem in the future as has been noted.

    This is a long way around saying that both of you need to stay far away from being in any high control religion if the relationship has any chance to become a serious commitment.

    Since your talking to the Mom does she speak to her son? If so he should leave good enough alone. If not then she is being coerced to shun in fear that she would be DF too.

    We have discussed the practice of shunning on this forum and you and he would do well to put shunning in the search engine at the top of this page and get a bit more familiar with it. If your not sharing this site with him I would urge you to share this discussion and others.

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