How To Fade Away Cleanly?
Hello! This is my first post and hopefully I can get some advice and input. I have been actively involved with the organization for a little over 10 years now. I began studying in high school, got baptized and my family fortunately did not. While in the organization I had many privileges including regular pioneering and serving as a ministerial servant. I also made very close friends who make up 98% of my current social system.
For a year now, I have examined the teachings, history and policies of the organization deeply. Obviously, when a JW loses his or her fear of information and reads from credible sources outside of the Watchtower publications, their eyes are opened up to what is actually true. With that said, I don't want to go back.
My problem is that I don't want to hurt my friends in the organization either. So I have asked my COBE to delete me as a ministerial servant and I have made him aware that I don't plan to attend meetings or participate in field service any more. The elders are aware that I had doubts before and that I was planning to leave. It seems as though they are going to allow me to fade away into inactivity as long as I don't disrupt the congregation with apostasy.
The announcement of my deletion hopefully will be made soon. I know whenever the friends don't see me at a few meetings, I am going to begin getting usual amounts of texts, phone calls, and unannounced visits at my house.
Does anyone have experiences like this? What were you able to say to the friends to get them to leave you alone without the potential of saying something/acting like an apostate?
hi Splane--welcome to the site. ( where have i heard that name before ?)
good you have made definite steps in the right direction.
Welcome Splane.................best of luck on your journey out of the religion. You are a young man with lots of possibilities ahead of you. Don't look back.......keep moving forward. A clean fade? I don't know if that's possible. Someone always seems to get hurt.
My guess is that after the initial curiosity about why you were deleted dies down and the scuttlebut about you goes round being left alone won't be a problem for you.
Thanks for posting. I recognize your poster name from somewhere - but cannot think where.
I appreciate the kind of problem you face - oh, and yes, very fortunate than none of your family followed you in! That's over 75 to 80% of the battle won, in my view.
Given that you say, "The elders are aware that I had doubts before and that I was planning to leave" you may not need to worry at all about others in the congregation contacting you. The elders may well decide to follow up the announcement of your deletion as a ministerial servant with a local needs talk about the need to keep the congregation clean and to avoid doubters and/or those who question "Jehovah's earthly organization".
I have asked my COBE to delete me as a ministerial servant and I have made him aware that I don't plan to attend meetings or participate in field service any more. The elders are aware that I had doubts before and that I was planning to leave. It seems as though they are going to allow me to fade away into inactivity as long as I don't disrupt the congregation with apostasy.
Hope it works for you, but don't be surprised if they pull the rug out from underneath. These may be good guy elders, not wanting to push an issue, but when the CO comes along and reviews records, it could all change. You haven't gotten off scot-free. Watch your back trail, don't get complacent, don't expect to skate away unscathed.
You should keep your thoughts re the WTBTS and their followers to yourself as it only takes two people for the Elders to call a judicial. Always search in private mode if jw's have access to your computer. Avoid Facebook or make sure it's kept very private.
Keep details out of your posts on sites like this.
The best thing to tell people is that your working through some private issues. There is no need to explain anything else.
With Elders if pressed you may need to say that you have been stumbled. As far as I know you will not be shunned if you have been stumbled. Google the Austrian Royal Commission on child sexual abuse. Starting in 1950 to the currant time there were 1006 cases of JW molestation with somewhere in the number of 1800 victims.
How many cases were submitted to the authorities? Not a single one.
Your research will not come from so called apostate web sites but from the sworn testimony of the victims, Branch Elders, congregational Elders even Geoffery Jackson a governing body member. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytbzkVaeWbA
If you hear that old 'wait on Jehovah' canard counter with "didn't Jesus tell his followers not to hinder the little children but to allow them to come to him' ?
Keep us posted. Most here have been where you are now and a very high percentage will tell you they lost friendships and the respect of the 'friends' but staying in became too toxic.
You will make new and better friends just do what you have been doing. Find people with a common interest, who meet at a regular time and share activities. Be it clubs, sports and especially volunteering to make this world just a little better for having you in it.
Moving away or out of the congregation also helped others. But one step at a time.
Get Stumbled after you have problems with depression and stress.
Then never go back to meetings and never be aggressive or belligerent when anyone contacts you.
Welcome to the forum. I understand the difficult time you are going through. The problem with conditional friendships is they can only end in a sour way. This is what happens when good people get groomed by a toxic group. With each passing day/month/year you will forge new frienships with real people. Life will get better.
I don't see how being honest about your reasons for leaving would be hurtful to your friends. They might not like it, but I doubt if anyone is going to be crushed by the news that you no longer feel this is God's organization.
Keep it brief, keep it kind, but don't pretend