I was feeling particularly hopeless about the whole JWs being assholes thing and sick to death of pretending so ...
I rang my sister and told her that I no longer believe JWs have the truth and the phone went silent, when I asked her to say something she just said if that was the case then she would have to hang up on me and then proceeded to indeed hang up.
So I texted her back immediately with FU.
I figured to hell with the consequence, I need to be free, I need to live honestly.
I always imagined I would feel devastated when the time came for me to lay my cards on the table with her and the horrible truth of the witness conditional love was proved beyond a doubt to me, but strangely, I don't feel devastated I feel relieved.
Ok, so it may be the adrenaline talking, but I think many of us would like to believe that our loved ones won't respond like a rabid JW when or if we reveal our true selves to them, and it's very difficult to accept that our loved ones are indoctinated.
But indoctrinated they are, they are under the control of the WT and sadly you cannot reason with an indoctrinated person.
All I can do is speak and live the truth of who I am.
I am realistic though and I know that now the real "fun" is about to kick off as my sister tells everyone she knows about what I said to her. But that's ok, let her, after all "what can man do to me?" I am not afraid of them anymore.
I don't need the JW's permission to be me, all I needed was to give myself permission.
Whoever said that they would rather be hated for who they are than be loved for who they are not was right.
I have decided it no longer sucks to be me.
My thoughts are with anyone who reads this and is going through something similar