by Utopian_Raindrops 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • Inquiry

    I told one of my dearest friends because this person (who is JW) I know would not spill the beans and ruin it.

    Anyway, my friend says to me, ”You do not have the right…..you are disfellowshipped.”

    Hey UR... I think that saying that JW issues are not your issues is like saying, "Oh don't worry about that leg you lost yesterday... it's been cut off, it shouldn't matter to you now anyways." Saying you don't have the right because you are disfellowshipped to act on that injustice is like saying you can't go after your boss for sexual harassment because he's fired you. The problem here my dear is that your "friend" is a dub. Plain and simple... This friend only deals with you now under certain conditions. And trust me on this one.. if this friend wants to spill the beans.. s/he will spill the beans... if this friend wants to find a reason to stop being your friend... reasons are easily accessible....Been there... done that... Just because s/he associates with you even though your DF doesn't mean that you don't still have to meet some pretty strictly defined WT conditions... one of them is not to attack (or do something this person deems to be an attack) on their religion. (Notice I said their... not your.. or not even your former religion... it's theirs in the possessive...as in ownership...as in pride and belonging... and you don't belong anymore.... you are talking about attacking something that still makes up a major portion of this person's identity... if you think your gonna do that and not suffer a consequence... your dreaming...) and if you do that.. this person is telling you... warning you really, that doing it could be a "deal breaker". (Tanx Dr. Phil) One way to figure this thing out is to set your priorities... ask yourself questions... like: Are you willing to be disliked for what you believe in? Are you able to handle it if this friend turns tail on you and walks away? Is this friend more important to you than protecting your child? Is exposing the WT important enough for you to risk this friendship? There are many more questions you could ask yourself. Set your perameters and stick to it. Your friend is. Why can't you? None of this is going to be a cake walk for you. You, like so many dubs and x-dubs alike (me too) were done dirty. It's going to be hard and painful and you will eventually lose this "friend". If you look at it.. the writing for that particular scenario is already on the wall... This person would have to come to a critical and new understanding in order for this "friendship" to get back on track... It's way off the rails already IMO. Now, I'm DA... I went on national television in Canada in '97... and I still had/have dub friends... but those are careful and conditional friendships... I choose to allow that sort of thing because I feel bad for these people and if there is a way I can help them out... I'll give it a go. But I've learned the hard way... that depending on them for friendship and association is just plain crazy.... why? One... someone under the influence of mind control can't really be trusted to make good decisions or act in their own general best interests... that's a given... Two... they can drop you on a dime at any time and have a thousand reasons why and never ever tell you even one of them .... one day your in the next day your garbage... dead garbage.. trust me.. your friend can still play that mental game... as a matter of fact... s/he is playing it... Three... this friend has other dub friends... and don't you know... this person will be caught out...this person is telling you that given that situation... they will not lose their position in dubdom for you.... it's a policed state...remember? I could go on... but even given these circumstances... that deck is already stacked against this "friendship". So, you do what you have to. You absolutely have the right to fight what you feel is unjust. The WT is still a big part of your life, even though your in recovery from it. You have every right to deal with your personal experiences and those who were/are and will be involved. Even if you've left a particular situation. That was a pretty intense situation and it will have impacts on your life, big and small for years to come. Not to mention your family still has strong ties... S/he is telling you in essence, not to be interested in the welfare of your child who is interested in continuing with the WT.. Now tell me, is this logical? Is it sensible? Is it right? Of course not. Like I said... you do what you have to and this "friend" of yours will do what s/he has to.... it's only up to you to accept the consequences... Not what you call a feel good reply.. but I can tell you from hard bitter experience... what I've told you is true. I hope it helps... Inq of the I prefer it real class....

  • Inquiry

    Me again UR...

    I was just finishing reading through the replies and wow... there are some wonderful people here... and great advise too... I sometimes think back to dubdom and compare it to this DB and dubdom can't even hold a drop of water to it.... it's amazing that people can reach out and effect so much more of a positive change and encouragement with their computers, over the Internet, (impersonal and cold as that may sound) than an army of 5 mill can preaching their empty message worldwide up close and in person...

    Now, that's really incredible...

    Inq of the that's real impressive class...

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    33 He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. 34 Then the king will say to those on his right, "My father has blessed you! Come and receive the kingdom that was prepared for you before the world was created. 35 When I was hungry, you gave me something to eat, and when I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink. When I was a stranger, you welcomed me, 36 and when I was naked, you gave me clothes to wear. When I was sick, you took care of me, and when I was in jail, you visited me."

    37 Then the ones who pleased the Lord will ask, "When did we give you something to eat or drink? 38 When did we welcome you as a stranger or give you clothes to wear 39 or visit you while you were sick or in jail?"

    40 The king will answer, "Whenever you did it for any of my people, no matter how unimportant they seemed, you did it for me."

    41 Then the king will say to those on his left, "Get away from me! You are under God's curse. Go into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels! 42 I was hungry, but you did not give me anything to eat, and I was thirsty, but you did not give me anything to drink. 43 I was a stranger, but you did not welcome me, and I was naked, but you did not give me any clothes to wear. I was sick and in jail, but you did not take care of me."

    44 Then the people will ask, "Lord, when did we fail to help you when you were hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in jail?"

    45 The king will say to them, "Whenever you failed to help any of my people, no matter how unimportant they seemed, you failed to do it for me."

    Matthew 25:33-45

    If you really want to make a statement, then keep doing what you are doing. Pay it forward and for every single mother you help, that is one less that will go through what you did.

  • Billygoat

    Big Tex - that is such a great scripture!!!! And one I think that many JWs will be surprised at when they meet their day of judgement. They will honestly have no idea what they've done wrong - and it's so sad that someone would get so far from God that they wouldn't know to help someone in need.

    And I believe in Judgement Day! That is why I'm so careful with my words here or with helping people as much as I can - whether I know them or not - whether is just encouragement they need or a place to stay for awhile. I do everything I can to help someone in need. It may sound greedy for me to want this, but God has done so much for me since my great escape. And I love Him for it! I WANT to help others as I've been helped. I WANT other people to learn from my mistakes and lessons. If I can do something to prevent them from experiencing my heartache then great! I WANT to hear that "Well done" when I meet Him on Judgement Day. Kind of like a child wanting a father's approval - not out of fear like JWs teach...but out of true love.

  • nightwarrior


    You will realize as time goes by that those you call your friends still in the borg have all at the same time disowned you just because a silly little man has said those simple words ,sister ???? is now disfellowshipped the congregations wouldnot survive if GOSSIPP wasnot allowed, why should you feel bad in coming to life ,why should you feel down now that the clouds are clearing in your mind,you have seen the harm you have experienced the affects of the cult,even your friend is condeming you,in a way,is she a true friend or one that was manufactured by the borg to become your friend,if so shoot her down in the water,get rid of her as you say so yourself the members of the borg all think alike,one mind one body and all that crap.yes your right they have been affected by a spell .of control.

    Any how utopian you do have a right to complain about the way things are

    Advice leave the shouting and everything else that needs to be done by members of this board ,as being given your circumstances you may suffer even more,keep quite and rescue your daughter in a quite manner ,as a thief in the night ,ok

    agape love to you all

  • Marcos


    You are, obviously, a very good and caring person. I’ve never seen a post of yours that was in any way mean-spirited or blatantly false.

    Nice people have something in common. They don’t like to hurt anyone. But, there is a time and place for everything under the sun.

    You have been done in by the WT just as have been so many people. You do have the right to say or do anything to protect yourself, your family and others.

    What does it matter the opinion of any witness regarding what you should or should not say or do? I recommend in this case, don’t be so nice. Cast your pebbles or stones. You are entitled due to having been hurt.

    Go get ‘em Mija.


  • LyinEyes

    Hey UR,,,,,,,,,,,,, put me on your yahoo messager buddy list,,,,,,,,,,LyinEyes71075

  • Satanus


    Firstly, when the wt dissed you, rendering you a nonjw, they gave up all control of your life. So, a jw telling you that you can or can't do something is way out of line.

    Secondly, her claim is inconsistent w wt doctrine. You see, the wt has been doing the very same thing that your friend said you don't have the right to do. That is, the wt has consistently attacked other christian religions, especially the catholics. If nonmembership were a condition that logically prevented one from attacking a religious group, the wt would have never attacked churches.

    Thirdly, while i think you are totally in your right legally, ethically, morally etc, to expose the wt and it's policies, you aren't obligated in any way to do so, if you think you might be sorry later, because of repercussions. It all depends on yourself, your dignity and integrity. If you are willing to lose a job because of making a meaningful statement, then i would say, go for it. A hard fought victory feels great.


  • pettygrudger


    You are your own person - you have the right to think for yourself, make choices for yourself and do what you want. I'm sorry you are feeling hurt & confused, this is the hardest part of leaving.

    I'm here - if you need to talk, email me!

  • jgnat

    The love and compassion you show to your family and the people you meet is evident to anyone with their eyes open. I am convinced Jehovah created you to add beauty to the world. Why not speak out about what you know? You will be helping people. It's not like a witness in good standing can speak out. He/she would be immediately disfellowshipped.

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