I AM SO SAD!!!!

by Utopian_Raindrops 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • Utopian_Raindrops
    Utopian_Raindrops

    Ok I am very sad and very down at this point.

    I have not been on talking of anything deep because I have been working on a project to post on the net (hopefully at Jourle’s site) about WT Hypocrisy and hope also to get something at least a pebble size stone to throw at The WTBS on their pedophile policies. I know so many elders here where I live who supported and hid the transgressions of pedophiles.

    I told one of my dearest friends because this person (who is JW) I know would not spill the beans and ruin it.

    Anyway, my friend says to me, ”You do not have the right…..you are disfellowshipped.”

    I pointed out that is the point as I was unrighteously dissed and look at the power they hold over people’s lives. Also, I explained that although I no longer wish to be a JW I have one child who wishes too and I cannot just drop my child off to worship freely! No child is truly safe at a Kingdom Hall!

    I felt it was my concern but now I feel sad because I think maybe my friend is right.

    I do not wish to be JW anymore so JW issues are not my issues….are they?

    I am confused and sad. I think of all the people physically, mentally, sexually, and emotionally hurt by this Religion! People….even young children have lost their lives because of this Religion! Am I to sit here knowing this and do nothing?

    My own little family in so many ways was hurt by those practicing the teachings of The WTBS. We even lost our home (Live with family so don't worry) and if I go through with this plan my oldest child and I will loose our jobs. All because of this unloving, hypocritical Religion!

    I don’t really care about my job as much as I care about all the people I have known for over 15 years as a JW. In so many ways now I feel free and wish others to feel this way too.

    Am I wrong in wanting to throw my little pebbles at The WTBS? Is it really not my place?

    Someone let me know because I feel just horrible today.

    Me, U_R

  • myself
    myself

    U_R, your motives are good in that you are trying to help others, so I don't think that is anything to feel sad about. Enough with the pebbles, grab a big friggin' rock! You and some of those you hold dear have been hurt. What if you helped even just one person? We can't help everyone, but those who want to be helped are looking.

    ((((((U_R)))))

  • SheilaM
    SheilaM

    UR: Why don't you have the right? I don't get it, if everyone felt that way no one would take a stand. GIRLIE get your friggin soapbox out and roar. If you don't have the right who does?

  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    Hey Utopian.

    Evil thrives unless good people stand up and resist it.

    If you think the WT produces evil results, then...fight.... FIGHT .... FIGHT

    and dont ever give in to those little self appointed "leaders of men" who would seek to tell you what is your right and your business.

    Im sorry a decent person like yourself feels down today. You are always so supportive of others.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    One of the first steps to recovering your own sense of empowerment is the ability to throw some shit that was dumped on you back where it came from. I believe this very strongly. You are feeling sad, and bad about yourself. Why? Not because you are a bad person, or because you feel you have behaved badly. Isn't it really because Jehovah's Witnesses have shamed you? And your friend is shaming you again. I say, enough!

    Throw it back on them. You feel like your response is a pebble. Then make it the first pebble. Then another and another and another. Do not make your objective to bring down WTBS or to cause them as much pain as they caused you. Instead, make this your goal to literally transfer some of the emotional weight back to them. Make your statement. But do it as many times as you need to. What you will find is that it becomes easier, the shame lessens and those little pebbles you are throwing become bigger.

    But I also hear you grieving your past and how badly you were treated. That is proper and I think you should. From what I understand you were treated badly. So strike back but do it for you and not to get revenge.

    Chris

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    Hey girl, sorry I havent been in connact lately, I hate to hear you are so down.

    You seem to be in a hard place, trying to decide what to do.

    When Denny and I left, we tried to fade out, because his very work , our finacial situation, was dependant on keeping good business contacts to work as sub labor. Guess who his best contacts were....... you guessed it the JW elders. We tried to stay hanging on for that reason only. But it came down to living our lives and going for it on our own. Denny even got a call from an elder saying, he heard that we d/a ourselves and he just had a big hail storm( denny fixes hail damage on cars) , and that he would not be using Denny anymore because of it. Well no shock to us, but then another brother in Texas said the same thing, then Oklahoma. But thank goodness that the "evil worldly " contacts Denny had didnt turn their backs on us. It made us sick to think these so called Christains, would rather see someones family starve, ( of course we were not going to starve, but you get the idea) than to stay loyal to your word that if you get a storm , I work you , and vica versa. A system built on 10 yrs of loyal , hard work, and friendship. In an instant , it didnt matter all the things Denny had done for any of these brothers, they all threw him away, because he was D/A. But like I said we knew this would happen.

    As far as family goes, there is no way in hell, I would let my child go to the k/h without me, and I would honestly,,,,,,,,,,,,,forbid them from attending this cult. I know it has ruined my childhood, my young adulthood, and it did so many more. I am glad we got our kids completely out in time, and our oldest was 14, at the time we didnt know all the things we know now about the WT. We at that time would have let Jake go to the meetings if he would have wanted to. I am glad he was sick of it too.He saw alot of the strange cult ways before we did, he just didnt say, and was not really sure.

    If your daughter is still young enough ,I would get her out, I know HQ is old enough to understand, but your other daughter may need help. You will be doing her a big favor.

    As far as making the WT pay, or hurt them in anyway, it doesnt hurt to try........lol. If it were not for courageous people who did stand up , this abuse issue would still be in the closet. Every little voice , united together makes a loud roar. I think the WT has already been made a fool of, and they may keep some of their ones, in, but our childrens generation , with the internet and openmindedness will eventually investigate on their own and walk away. They people they think they will get at the doors, will think they are fools, and know that the JW's are a cult and dangerous, because of the pedophiles.

    I would say, to live your life to make yourself happy and your kids,,,,,,,, it takes along time to heal,,,,KP.

    I have been out a year and a half , something like that,,,,, but every month I draw further and further away from the WT mind control. I still have aways to go, but I know I will find my place too.

    I wish you happiness and peace.......hugs to you and the family.

  • CoonDawg
    CoonDawg

    Hey, Utopian...

    You just keep chuckin' them pebbles. I know it's hard to realize it, but there are lots of us chuckin' pebbles and rocks of various sizes and ant varied velocities right along with you. Everyone of us will be shunned and cast out. We will be looked upon as the evil spawn of Satan...is it worth it? You're damn skippy it is! Just keep hammerin' away at them. I was on the phone to Attorney, David Love (of Norris & Love) and he even told me that they are breaking another law suit today. I am glad that more and more are comming forward and pelting them with stones...no matter how small.

    Joe

    (fellow pebble chucker)

  • Utopian_Raindrops
    Utopian_Raindrops

    Oh you guys so surprised me!!

    I posted and then went out to pick up a friend of the children’s.

    The girl I picked up is a baptized JW kid. She and her mother are homeless sleeping on a very mean relatives couch. I don’t have a place to offer them since I live with family myself but it really helps to have her to come over and have room to breath and be her crazy self.

    Her I am thinking I am picking her up and she and her mom are stuck in the JW world were widows and orphans are dirt and there is nothing I can do.

    I was thinking how I went to an elder when they were close to loosing their home and asked him to help this family.

    I was thinking we live in one of the richest areas of our state (we have A LOT of very well off brothers and sisters) and not one brother or sister could lend a hand. All they could do was turn the bible’s message of life into dead words.

    I was thinking how this girls mother tried to kill herself not that long ago and the only person they had to turn to is disfellowshipped me! Not and elder…..not a mature sister….or even a wet behind the ears MS but, me who is just as poor as they are.

    I was thinking about all the single mom’s I know who fled this one very wealthy cong (I know 7 personally (many of them with special needs children) and one trying to move away from them now because of all the lack of support.

    I am a witness in a sense….I am a witness to many of the injustices of The Watch Tower Bible And Tract Society!! (As well as recipient of their brand of love)

    I was getting really more down then when I 1 st posted thinking about how it was supposed to be none of my concern anymore.

    Then when I arrived home and logged on………

    I saw the wonderful replies from all of you and now I am just sitting here crying very very happy tears.

    I don’t even know how to thank- you all.

    Myself you said What if you helped even just one person? We can't help everyone, but those who want to be helped are looking. This had been my previous attitude…thank-you for helping me get that feeling back.Airborne

    SheilaM I know Thunder can’t do with out you and with all the encouragement you have to me and my Cassandra I know we can't do without you ether gurlfriend! Thank-you so much.Here's a kiss for you, my love!

    Refiners thank God for you man! Evil thrives unless good people stand up and resist it. Who could have said it better! I believe those men at Bethel are evil. DevilishThey teach some of the nicest people to be cold in their hearts. It’s like their members are under a spell and can do nothing but chant the same senseless teachings over and over. This hugz for my friend.Hug

    Thank-you.

    Big Tex you are always so kind and I know what you said came for personal experiance.HugThank-you. One of the first steps to recovering your own sense of empowerment is the ability to throw some Shit Happens that was dumped on you back where it came from. Throw it back on them. Literally transfer some of the emotional weight back to them. Literally transfer some of the emotional weight back to them. Make your statement. But do it as many Do you know maybe I possibly do need this but I am an odd soul. What I really really want more then anything is an apology and we all know I will never ever get that. I’m not a Jonah… wont get mad if The WTBS repents and shapes up….I’d actually be happy for all my friends who are still in. That way I’d know no one would be hurt anymore.

    You are feeling sad, and bad about yourself. Why? Not because you are a bad person, or because you feel you have behaved badly. Isn't it really because Jehovah's Witnesses have shamed you? And your friend is shaming you again. I say, enough! This is exactly true. I am sure many here know the feeling of being disfellowshipped when they were sorry and went for help. The feeling of shame and unworthiness in your God’s eyes. I’m not even going to go on about how it felt since so many here already know.

    Things I learned on this forum and a deep agony in my soul to no longer be abused is what made me NOT turn in my letter. It was the biggest conscience decision I ever made! I have had a rare case of some still speaking (mostly single mom’s and those with children of special needs or even adults with special needs) with me and yet I could not pen a letter even to make them happy. Every time I tried I would break down and cry. I just do not want to go back. Not even for my friends.

    I think of all the lives ruined in the name of God! All the children who have been marred….all the people who have died on The WTBS Sacrificial Alter!! It sickens me…It saddens me. I do not even get mad….my heart just breaks and cries. I am not about revenge but about change. I feel most victims’ just want the abuse to stop. So they can go on and live instead of being bound up in agony.

    Dede Gurlfriend HugThank-you so much! Your another one of those people who gives encouragement right when it’s need and always have the right words to say! The day you came into our lives was a blessing and a gift. our finacial situation, was dependant on keeping good business contacts to work as sub labor. Guess who his best contacts were....... you guessed it the JW elders. We tried to stay hanging on for that reason only. But it came down to living our lives and going for it on our own. It is so true that all of us here had every aspect of our lives wrapped up in The JW Universe! Isn’t it amazing how much we were dependant on That Religion! Sometimes I am so ashamed of how wrapped up I was.

    Denny even got a call from an elder saying, he heard that we d/a ourselves and he just had a big hail storm( denny fixes hail damage on cars) , and that he would not be using Denny anymore because of it. then another brother in Texas said the same thing, then Oklahoma. I can so relate because I did lose all but one account when I was dissed. Back then I thought it from Jehovah and still do. It is so nice to know someone can understand how that feels and what it’s about.

    But thank goodness that the "evil worldly " contacts Denny had didnt turn their backs on us. AMEN 2 THAT!! Now and again I have gotten some jobs from so called worldly and know that in time my books should be full.

    A system built on 10 yrs of loyal , hard work, and friendship. In an instant, it didnt matter all the things I have thought The JW Religion is the oddest fulfillment of Bible Prophecy in that They Have No Natural Affection! How Ironic that people who claim to be God’s People on earth today are some of the least loving people on the planet!

    there is no way in hell, I would let my child go to the k/h without me, and I would honestly,,,,,,,,,,,,,forbid them from attending this cult This I understand completely and tried taking the “I am your mother no-way am I letting you go!!” stand. This made my daughter moody and unreceptive to me. Sometimes she loved me sometimes she hated me. Being JW was her life from Birth on. Yes we were abused there and my other children now feel free and thank me but this one is having withdrawals. In a sense I understand because when I found out the Truth or the Troof I would get sick and feverish. All that suffering for nothing, none of it was for God. It was all for evil narcissistic men! I think she doesn’t want to accept the reality of it just yet. Still and all I told her I cannot drop her off by herself and I am not going. I was born into an Atheist household and my parents aloud me freedom of Religion and at her age and younger I went to church by myself. I feel bad sometimes I cannot offer her that same freedom.

    I know HQ is old enough to understand, but your other daughter may need help. You will be doing her a big favor. My plan to help her was get the kids into different “normal” activities for their age. 4-H, swim team, etc., but this child right now doesn’t want to do anything but sulk. I think she is afraid to spend time with children she once thought as “Worldly” and “Bad Associations”. She has been JW since birth and will soon be 13. This Religion was her life. She planed to become a full time Pioneer and hoped to serve at Bethel. Her heart is broken into a thousand pieces. If she does not adjust after a few months in these activities with other children I will have to get her therapy.

    Every little voice , united together makes a loud roar. This is how I feel of the pebbles I have gathering and storing in my pouch. I was hoping if everyone who could would throw a pebbles worth then The Giant Would Fall Down. (Of even better concede, repent, and change).

    I think the WT has already been made a fool of, and they may keep some of their ones, in, but our childrens generation , with the internet and openmindedness will eventually investigate on their own and walk away. They people they think they will get at the doors, will think they are fools, and know that the JW's are a cult and dangerous, because of the pedophiles.

    I would say, to live your life to make yourse It is my hope and dream that what you have said here is very true. I do not wish to see another person under their cold-hearted spell. So many who became JW were not bad people in the 1 st place. Many were good Christians who truly loved and cared about their neighbors and the world around them. Once they became JW slowly but surely that love of neighbor diminished and died. What a sad, wicked legacy The WTBS possesses.

    CoonDawg!! Thank-you so much for your wordsHeart I know it's hard to realize it, but there are lots of us chuckin' pebbles and rocks of various sizes and ant varied velocities right along with youWe will be looked upon as the evil spawn of Satan...is it worth it? You're damn skippy it is! Just keep hammerin' away at them. I was on the phone to Attorney, David Love (of Norris & Love) and he even told me that they are breaking another law suit today. I am glad that more and more are comming forward and pelting them with stones... Although there has been a few news shows there has not been wide enough coverage of the Atrocities committed by The WTBS and so it can feel very futile at times. People like you help keep it in perspective that there is a World Wide Out Cry Against Their Tyranny. I am so glad you found an Attorney to defend your precious child!! Please keep us posted as to what happens and thanx for sharing your Attorney’s good news!!

    It is so wonder full that Ex-JW’s are taking notice and doing as Refiners Fire Says….. If you think the WT produces evil results, then...fight.... FIGHT .... FIGHT Do not try and bend the spoon ...

    Thank-You so much everyone!! You have all been a real blessing here tonight.

    Sometimes I wonder what I’d do without this board!

    I’m so glad there is really a life after The WT and REAL friends who will never abandon you!

    {{{{hugz}}}} everyone!!!HugHugHugHugHugHugHugHugHugHug

    Gotta Luvz Ya,

    Utopian_RaindropsRelax

  • greven
    greven

    (((((U_R)))))

    My response may be a little late but I still want to say a few things.

    The reply that it is not your concern anymore as you are DF is sick! It is one of those catch 22 phrases:

    If you are a JW and you speak up you are DF'ed and then it does not concern you anymore? If you have been in prison while innocent after you are released it doesn't concern you anymore? Twisted logic, that is!

    I don’t really care about my job as much as I care about all the people I have known for over 15 years as a JW. In so many ways now I feel free and wish others to feel this way too.

    This clearly shows your actions are from love not revenge. You do not set their hall on fire or trow stones in. You are trying to show them the error of their ways. Warning people is a loving act, because if you wouldn't care then you would say: "hey,it is no longer of my concern" instead you care!

    U_R you have a good hart, use it as you see fit!

    Greven

    what is happening with the font color?

  • Francois
    Francois

    I see your "friend" who says, "You do not have the right…..you are disfellowshipped" has his/her head waaaaaaaaaaay up there where the sun never shines. I've heard of twisted, tortured logic before, but this takes the cake; sets new records, etc.

    How about news reporters who have never been a JW? Do they have the right to report on JW pedophilia? Do they have the right to report on anything they've never been a member of?

    I would forget what that "friend" has to say. She is obviously not capable of logical ideation.

    You go for it. There are sooooo many rocks lying around with which you could attack "The Society" it's just amazing. More amazing is the fact that it was the WTBTS who created these rocks for your use. Nice of them, what?

    francois

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit