You have all given me a lot to think about. I re-read my original post, and I do come across as a bit mousy, afraid to speak up for myself. That only applies with my husband, with everyone else I lay down the law (always nicely, though). There is literally no one else that walks over me, including my boss. I don't know what it is about my husband that intimidates me so, and I believe counseling may be the best way to find out.
Also, to kind of expand a bit. My husband is a "nice guy". He is usually soft spoken, and well liked by everyone. I would bet most people who know us think I run the relationship, because it appears that I have the stronger personality. And yes, I am apparently letting him call all the shots in our marriage, and that needs to change.
Also, to the best of my knowledge, he has not been unfaithful to me since before we were married. I now have reason to doubt how long he was faithful before we were married, but none to doubt since the wedding.
Blackout - great question "do you still love him?" I can't honestly say I am still in love. But, I also can't say I don't love him anymore. I just know that I feel hurt and angry every single day when I come home. I don't feel like he loves me, otherwise why would he let / make me work so hard without helping?
I grew up watching a very similar situation with my parents, and always promised myself it would never happen to me. That's why I talked about sharing so much when we were dating. There is a good chance that it's something I'm doing that has created the situation or at least kept it going in this manner, and I need to stop doing whatever that is. I have tried the "I'm on strike" thing, and what happens is the dishes sit for days (I've let it go for almost a week a few times), the laundry does not get done, my son eats take out, etc. That tactic does not work with him. I can't change him, you are correct, ThiChi, he has to decide that he wants to change and then do it. He has made promises in the past, and has even helped out, but it never lasts more than two weeks. Then he brings up those two weeks over and over, as though he has earned a break from all the hard work.
I just don't think it should be this hard. I know marriage is difficult, and I am willing to work through things, but I can't do it alone, and he doesn't appear to believe he needs to change. He says my complaining about housework is "petty" and that there are people in the world with "real problems". I think if I am not happy, that is a "real problem" but it does not appear to rate in his book.
Anyway, I have to go for the evening, but thanks again to everyone for your advice. I can't tell you how much it means to have you all to "talk" to and get support from.