Panic Attacks

by rebel 33 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  rebel

  I don't know if this subject has been touched on before - I didn't know what section to put it under.

  I have to go to the meeting this Sunday - basically emotional blackmail by my husband (long story). I have suffered from panic attacks in the past. When I don't go to the meetings, and my family do, I get very panicky and breathless. When I have to go to a meeting, I am worse and feel really ill beforehand. Years ago, I used to get real bad panic attacks, the sort where you feel you are going to die. I used to rush out into the garden, only to have to come back in again. This would go on all night!

  My point is, I am feeling pretty sick at the moment and I have this horrible feeling, the sort of feeling | used to get just before I had a severe attack in the past. Does anyone know how to overcome these feelings? I know that by Sunday, I will be a quivering wreck. The elders will be down on me like a ton of bricks, and I will end up feeling really bad. Any ideas? I have Blondie's brilliant Watchtower commentary to keep me sane (thanks Blondie) but I still feel pretty scared. I know it's really stupid - it is just a building with lots of people, but it really makes me ill.

  xxR
• 

  RAYZORBLADE

  Geez Rebel, I am sorry to read about this, and of course, I know how disabilitating this can be.

  I'm going post part of the end of your post, then go with that:

  "..I know it's really stupid - it is just a building with lots of people, but it really makes me ill."

  Rebel, it seems like you are under a great deal of pressure for starters to attend meetings: damned if you do/damned if you don't. You mentioned something about your husband, perhaps, if you care to, you can elaborate on that just in case this is a key factor to the anxiety.

  The thing is NOT the physical building with people inside, but WHAT the building and the people inside REPRESENT . It's what it represents that causes you this anxiety.

  Because of what it represents, that's why there are so many of us HERE and no longer JWs. We no longer feel the grief, anxiety, depression and misery of struggling with our conscience now that we are free of the WTBTS.

  Of course Rebel, I don't know you personally, but the elders will no doubt encourage you to ATTEND MORE MEETINGS so that you will get over this and to PRAY about it and god knows what else. I can tell you right now, the anxiety won't go away.

  I hope there is some means for you to discuss this with someone, someone who is not a Jehovah's Witness. Or if you have a contact that's an ExJW, that may help. If professional assistance is within your reach, I would strongly urge anyone to utilize it. It helps tremendously, and the opinion will be objective.

  I hope you will be able to break free.
• 

  moreisbetter

  Dear Rebel,

  Please dear, don't feel this is stupid. It by no means that. I feel very much for you right now. You are being coerced into doing something you don't want to do and this is abuse. Panic attacks are physical symptoms of that abuse. If at all possible, contact your doctor as soon as you can. He/she can can help you medically while the reasons behind them are being sorted out.

  This is my 2 cents. I'm going through the exact same thing right now. It does get better.

  Please take care and let us know how you are.

  Theresa
• 

  pandora

  Good Luck to Rebel. No one should have to deal with attacks such as yours.

  Please seek help from your doctor as soon as possible.

  -P(J)
• 

  crinklestein

  There are reasons people have panic attacks. Panic is physical reaction to either something that you fear or it's a reaction to a dangerous situation. Your subconcious KNOWS that you should not be there even if you don't realize this. And your subconscious is making you react in this manner so that you remove yourself from the situation. These feelings are there for a reason and you should take them to heart.

  Much like standing at the edge of a cliff or the edge of a tall building makes me have a panic attack. That's my brain telling my body to get the hell away from the edge because I could fall and die! And the only way for that feeling to go away is to remove myself from the dangerous situation. This is natural. Follow your feelings. That's why God put them there.

  If your husband loves you he will understand this and he will need to respect your wishes. Put your foot down for your RIGHTS and BELIEFS! Don't feel that you HAVE to go. You don't HAVE to do anything that you don't want to. Try turning the tides on him. If you have any hobbies that are usually something only females participate in, tell him that HE HAS TO DO THIS WITH YOU! And then see what he says. If he doesn't like the fact that you're forcing him to do something doesn't like then say, "See? Sucks doesn't it? Now respect my likes and dislike and don't force ME to do something I don't like."
• 

  rebel

  First, thank you for your replies.

  Rayzorblade - your comments really struck a chord with me. I have not been to many meetings since October - for many reasons including the hypocrisy, the cruel treatment of some of my own family members, the UN & child abuse scandals, and also the fact that I just don't believe a lot of what they teach. The elders do not like me very much because they say I am not submissive and am too outspoken - I always speak up for the underdog, no matter what. My husband is a devoted JW and he worries about me - he thinks I have gone mad. He is very old fashioned and can be quite cruel at times. I am going on Sunday to keep the peace because he has made the atmosphere pretty unbearable at home and the kids need a break.

  Moreisbetter - thank you so much for your kind words - I hope you too can get through your own situation.

  Pandora - thank you for caring - I feel so privileged to have found this board with people like you who care.

  Crinklestein - it's funny, but I was going to suggest my husband accompany me to our old church (we were once RC) just to see what his reaction would be!

  I am determined to be completely free of this organisation as soon as possible. I hate what it has done to me and my loved ones.

  xxR
• 

  Mary

  Actually, panic attacks are caused by a chemical imbalance of the brain. Your brain is telling you that you're in a dangerous position and you must flee. It's the same kind of terror people get who are afraid of heights, snakes or being caught in a fire, except in every day cases, the fear is irrational. Unfortunately your brain doesn't know this and you can get the same feeling of terror from going to the Kingdom Hall as you would standing at the top of the Empire State Building with no harness on.

  I know, because I used to suffer from them a few years ago. I had just gone through a really bad time emotionally (I almost had a nervous breakdown) and I was in the grocery store and I was suddenly seized with a feeling of terror and panic and I knew I HAD to get out of there. I ended up leaving a full grocery cart right there. This continued to happen over the next few months and it got worse and worse. I was really angry that this was happening to me and I was determined that I was NOT going to let it run my life. So the next time I was in the grocery store and I felt the attack coming on, I just stopped right there and thought "I am NOT leaving this store!" I stood there for about 10 minutes and my god that was difficult. When your brain is telling you to flee, the feeling is overwhelming and you just want to get the hell out of there. However, I stood my ground (literally) and I just kept saying to myself "I am not leaving. There is nothing here to be afraid of. Nothing is going to happen."

  I can be pretty stubborn and this time it paid off. After 10 minutes or so, I was able to continue on with my shopping. It happened a few more times after that, but each time it got less and less until I can now shop in this store virtually panic free.

  I've also suffered panic attacks on my way to the Kingdom Hall, but this was only AFTER I realized that this was not the "one true religion". So your feelings of panic are probably stemming from the fact that, as you say, you are basically disgusted with what's going on in the Organization.

  Your husband sounds very controlling and capable of making your life miserable. Have you tried talking to him about the UN scandal or the Pedophile problem or is it a waste of time? You might try telling your husband that you don't want to go because you suffer from panic attacks and can't stand being in a room with all these people.

  You should also talk to your doctor about it. I know a friend of mine sees a specialist about her panic attacks and it has helped her enormously.

  Good luck.
• 

  rebel

  Mary,

  You described my symptoms and the feelings I get when I have an attack exactly - you were spot on.

  You were right about my husband. My best friend (who isn't a JW, but she stayed loyal to me all these years) has always said he is a control freak. Our children find him very difficult to get along with. He has always been like this, and becoming a JW only made it worse. Our eldest two children find him really controlling. He is a good man and tries to do the right thing - it's just that he always assumes he is right about everything. His decisions are the best, his ideas are the right ones, he knows the best thing to do etc etc. Sometimes I think I am going mad and I can't believe I have been with him for 25 years - and I'm only 40! We have 4 beautiful children, 2 wonderful grandchildren and he is driving them away from him. I feel sorry for him really. I do love him and want him to see the truth and get out of this organisation before it really ruins him.

  In the meantime, I will go on Sunday just to keep the peace.

  Thank you again.

  xxR
• 

  Billygoat

  I am so sorry you're going through this. I understand panic attacks very well. They can be quite suffocating. Mine have improved over the years, where I don't feel like a caged animal anymore, but I still have them. I had one this morning when I first woke up. I'm unemployed and the helpless feeling of not having a job yet just overtook me. I immediately got up and journaled, prayed, read a little uplifting devotional. Sometimes it comes down to asking myself, "Is this moment going to KILL you? Will it take your life?" It feels like it sometimes, but putting it in that perspective sometimes is helpful. Or when I think about the amount of time the hardship will last. You could ask yourself, is two hours in a KH totally unbearable? Just think...in two hours you'll be out of here and can go home.

  Just some thoughts...
• 

  rebel

  Billygoat,

  This all makes so much sense to me. Of course, it is only 2 hours in a KH. I am strong and have been through so much, I can at least cope with this. It is so good to know there are people like you that know exactly what I am talking about. Most people, when I mention panic attacks, say things like "Can't you just snap out of it?" "Why can't you control your emotions?" etc etc. I understand fully the feelings you have about being unemployed. Although I have a job, I can't always pay my bills, and my financial worries get me down. But you seem a pretty strong person and I hope I can pray like you do when I get an attack.

  I do feel a bit of a failure though. I always wanted to be strong for my children. I never let them know if I have had an attack, I don't like to burden them. I just wish, sometimes, I could go away somewhere and just be me for the day - without having to think about anybody else.

  xxR