Desire to talk to an elder

by Eppie 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • Eppie

    Hey everyone,

    I have a question: I am happily faded but I recently got the desire to talk to an elder of my old congregation. The problem is that he doesn't know I am faded (i kinda disappeared from JW archives while moving to college), and that i do not want to get into trouble by this. I just have so many questions left. When I left I mainly left as I wanted to do the same things as my friends, but now i have read some books (e.g. Approaching Jehovah's witnesses in Love by Wilbur Lingle) and I just want to talk to a real JW again. I could of course talk to my parents as they are still JW, but I don't want to give them hope that there is a chance that ill come back (not very soon anyway).

    How are the guidelines? If I do talk to him and will be very negative, is there a chance that i can be dfd just based on that? I am also very afraid that ill burst into tears and tell him every stupid (in their eyes, i had lots of fun ;)) things i've done as i always feel guilty in front of God for doing them (i only faded about 2 yrs ago). Does anyone have experienced in such things? What should I do?

    Thanks for taking the time to read this post!


  • Dansk


    Stay well away! If you want to talk, talk to us here - or other ex-JWs close to where you live (providing they are moral, of course). It is most unlikely that any elder would "forget" any conversation you have with him and you'll just be starting problems for the future. Enjoy your freedom - treat how you feel as withdrawl symptoms. Takes a long time to get the "poison" out of your system - I was blessed, got rid of mine in days!

    Seriously, it has taken many people decades to have the freedom you have now. Don't ruin it for yourself!

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Eppie said,

    i always feel guilty in front of God

    I would suggest that until you realize that NO JW elder is even remotely a representative of "god" you should avoid acting on this impulse.

    If you feel you just have to talk with someone, find a Rabbi, Catholic priest or Buddhist monk to speak to. They are no closer to god than the JW, but you won't be investing any special "authority" in them, will you? ...and so they won't have the power (given to them by you) to destroy your self-esteem like the JW would have.

  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    Eppie, if your 'happily' faded', why this desire to talk to an elder? Ah yes, you said, 'I just want to talk to a real JW again'. Ask yourself, what have I got to gain by talking to an elder, more happiness? You yourself said, 'I am also very much afraid that I'll burst into tears and tell him 'every' stupid things I've done as I always feel guilty in front of God for doing them'. It seems that mixed emotions are at play here. You have left yourself open to many questions, is this what you want? If your 'happily' faded, I don't think so.

    Guest 77

  • LovesDubs

    The first thing this elder would be obliged to do with you Eppie, is determine where your loyalties lie. He will ask you VERY direct questions about whether you still consider yourself a Jehovahs Witness, if you plan on returning to the meetings, if you still think this is Gods Organization and that he uses the Faithful and Discreet Slave to do his will...and you will HAVE to answer all those with a yes. There is no hedging. Failing to do so will only get you "audited", if you will...will raise questions, interrogations, doubts, and investigations into your life and you will probably be disfellowshipped. They arent mincing words any more inside the organization Ep...they are sifting through the dregs looking for Judases, seeking out "faded" ones and either getting them back or CHECKING THEM OFF. Why do this to yourself? You will only make it impossible then for you to talk to any JW family or JW friends you have.

    It sounds more to me like you need to have a conversation with GOD babe. Talk to GOD if you have things weighing on your heart. It is from HIM the forgiveness comes. The elders DO NOT HAVE THE POWER to go to God FOR you. And by going to them you are only acknowledging that you think they DO have this power. The only power they have is to make your life MISERABLE, and it sounds like thats the LAST thing you need to have happen to you now. If you have questions ask them HERE. There isnt a thing under the sun that could have happened to you that hasnt happened to one of us in here or several of us honey.

    Please please please dont seek out the JWs. Only darkness and sadness lie down that road.


  • Marcos

    I love this:

    If you feel you just have to talk with someone, find a Rabbi, Catholic priest or Buddhist monk to speak to. They are no closer to god than the JW

    Nathan, that's great. It's so easy to forget that they (the Dubs) don't have any special position with God. So why not seek counseling from people who might actually be qualified to counsel? Good one.

    Eppie, no matter how your relationship may have been with this elder, he'll turn on you like a stepped on cobra if you confide ANYTHING in him. They don't even have the ethics of renegade priest. There is no confidenciality with the WT.

    If you still believe in God then know that you can go directly to Him through Jesus. There is no other intermediary. If you don't (and I see that you do), it's all your own bidniss.

    Can someone help me out here? Doesn't (didn't) the WT always make a big deal out of how stupid the Catholics are for confessing to a man? If so, would not the same logic apply to confessing to one man or several men (a committee)?


  • freedom96

    Welcome to the board. I agree with previous postings that going back to talk to this elder is just going to cause serious problems.

    I encourage you to do more research on the background of the WTS, and what really goes on. Talk to some on the board here that served time at bethel, missionaries, even elders, pioneers, and others. They will gladly let you know the inside scoop.

  • Hmmm

    Oh, that way madness lies; let me shun that. -- Shakespeare, King Lear, Act III, Scene IV

    Most of us have either been through--or heard from people who have been through--the same thing. It almost never turns out well. At the very first hint that you don't believe 100% of the WT's teachings, your conversation will start down the road to Inquisition. As has been said already, they're cracking down on faders.


  • SheilaM

    Eppie: That is like me wanting to talk to my middle sister, futile, stupid and self-destructive. Why do something that is going to get you kicked in the teeth? We all have a measure of self-destruction in us but I think learning not to is the best thing for you life. PLEASE refrain from what you want to do

  • Liberty

    Hi Eppie,

    Guilt is a terrible thing, especially if it is for the dumb things JWs feel bad about. What could you have possibly really done to feel justifiably guilty about? Have you murdered innocents, tortured people, stolen food from starving children? If you answered no to these then you have nothing to feel guilty about. Having and enjoying sex, partying with your friends, or even experimenting with drugs and alcohol is totally normal and mostly harmless for young folks. Ask yourself honestly, "Who have I hurt with my behaviour?" if you can't think of anyone then I'd say you are pretty safe and probably a nice person. You don't need to talk to an Elder because if these things really bother you he can't make them go away or change the past, all he can do is punish you in the here and now and it already sounds like you are punishing yourself enough already. If you aren't happy with your conduct just stop doing whatever it is that bothers you and forgive yourself. If you've hurt anyone tell then you're sorry and see if you can help them in some way. Getting DFed won't help anybody nor will feeding an Elder's puriant curiousity with your sordid details. You have the power to live as you want and don't need Elders and the Watch Tower Society to absolve you of your "sins". Don't let the Society's brain washing push you into giving your control over to imperfect humans who have the same impulses and desires you do. Your level of "morality" is up to you and you suffer the consequences of your actions so who is really better able to regulate your behaviour than you?

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