Welcome, Eppie, I love your name! A sweet gramma Newfie neigbour of mine is an Eppie too.
I just have so many questions left. Are you exploring what you believe and why you believe it? I think a personal exploration and study (like the book you read) will be far more productive than going back to the hall. You read the literature at the KH in the past. It has not changed. I suggest you spread your wings and read a wider variety of books. There are also great links and resources on this site.
I just want to talk to a real JW again. How about some funky and funny xJW's? You can openly discuss your experiences and fears without fear of judgement.
I could of course talk to my parents as they are still JW, but I don't want to give them hope that there is a chance that ill come back (not very soon anyway). You can see the danger, can't you? As soon as you open a dialoge with a real JW, their only goal will be to bring you back to the fold. They will despise your current lifestyle.
How are the guidelines? If I do talk to him and will be very negative, is there a chance that i can be dfd just based on that? Yes, if you are unrepentant. And you do still sound like you truly enjoy your independence.
I am also very afraid that ill burst into tears and tell him every stupid (in their eyes, i had lots of fun ;)) things i've done Yes, that would be embarrassing. And very unlikely that you will get understanding.
as i always feel guilty in front of God for doing them. I think you want to confess to somebody because of guilt. As had been said above, anybody other than an Elder would be safer to confess to. An Elder's job is to judge the severity of your sin, if you are truly repentant, and if you are redeemable or not. Nevermind that forgiveness is in the hands of Jesus Christ, who died for your sins already. The elders find it necessary to put their two cents in.
Are you at college? I bet there is a great nondenominational pastor around, well versed in of various religions, who would be a willing ear. Think about it.