1. Invest every cent you've got in a new company that will start up in the 1970's called Microsoft.
2. Masturbation does not make you blind, give you warts, permanently damage your dick or get you possessed by demons.
3. Don't waste time chasing the best looking chicks. There's too much competition and they'll drive you crazy. Go for the plain girls. You'll have a lot less lonely nights.
4. Anyone that comes to your door selling anything, especially religion or insurance - tell them to F**K OFF!