Have You Ever Considered Suicide? Have You Ever Thought Of Just Not Living

by minimus 44 Replies latest jw friends

  • minimus

    I know of a few people that have expressed themselves over the years regarding suicide and their loss of joy in living. After reading some of the horrendous things some have gone through on this board, it is more than concievable to believe that you might have considered such options. I, personally have never had these thoughts, but some close to me have expressed that if they "could just sleep" in death, they would feel better. Have you ever felt like this or have known others that have expressed these sentiments???

  • gumby

    I have.......many times.

    I would think....well....my wife, daughter/grandkids, mother, sisters, aunts.....are all dubs who have disowned me, I don't have a hope anymore as I'm a major sceptic of the bible, I'm getting older quick, life is a struggle.....I'd rather "just not be here".

    Then those feelings go away and life is OK again. Winter is the worst for these feelings.Hanging on until you get your thoughts, and perspectives correct after exiting dubdom is a tough road for many.

    Nice topic min.......and a touchy one.


  • minimus

    Thanks Gumby for your honesty. I shudder to think how my family might be impacted if they decide to do what I believe is inevitable, regarding their active association in the organization. Unless we are thoroughly disowned, we may never know or appreciate how we might feel if we are disfellowshipped and/or snubbed.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    Oh yeah. When I was 23 I became extremely depressed. My abusive childhood experiences finally came home to roost and the feelings came crashing down. I didn't really want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop and I didn't know any other way. Luckily for me, I had a tremendous woman for a wife who listened to me and cared for me and helped me get into psychological therapy. It took 7 years, but I conquered my past and that included suicide.


  • scootergirl

    I have had thoughts of wanting to die years ago when life seemed just too much to bear.........but never actual suicide plans/thoughts. I just wanted to sleep and not wakeup. Thank God I got the help I needed, cause life is good now.

  • Seven

    Yes, I had entertained thoughts of suicide while trying to cope with depression on my own. A combination of therapy and meds rid me of those thoughts while the depression still comes and goes. A helpful quote I copied in my journal several years back.

    We are born with the desire to stay alive. It is the most basic thing about us; we share it with all living beings. At each moment, millions of events take place inside our bodies and inside our minds that are designed to help us stay alive. Until the present, at least, the forces that are life-preserving have been stronger than the forces that are life-destroying. Many of us endured bleak periods during which inner voices cried out, "Kill yourself. Your life is nothing but pain and misery. You might as well end it all." Yet we did not die. The desire for life is pre-conscious, pre-verbal. It keeps us going even when the voices tell us to die.

    We must be, at bottom, fundamentally healthy or we would not have stayed alive this long. Like all living creatures, we can heal from our injuries and our suffering. If we have a healthy environment, healthy behaviors, healthy relationships, we will recover. We need to identify our histories of trauma, abuse, neglect, grief, and loss. We need to overcome denial on all of our addictive behaviors. We need to provide ourselves with good health care. We need a safe place where we can be who we are, and be welcome. We need quiet, respectful attention as we tell our stories in as much detail and as many times as we need to.

    If we get these things we will not just stay alive, but we will have good lives. Lives that are free of the curse of depression and suicidal ideation, lives that are productive and creative, lives that are filled with friendship and love.
    By David L. Conroy, PhD
  • Wolfgirl

    Yes, I considered/planned it twice. Once when I was 15, and had gotten in trouble for "dating" (i.e., holding hands and kissing) a "worldly" guy. I planned it all out and chickened out at the last minute. How terrible is that? Over something so little...but that's the guilt I felt because I was "bad."

    The second time was when my father admitted to his sexual abuse of me. I wanted to curl up and die to make the pain go away. Luckily, my now-husband was around to pick up the shattered pieces of me.

  • blondie

    Yes, after years of sexual and verbal abuse from my parents. But then I decided to stick around and make their lives miserable. I have been successful in a nonconfrontative way that has been healing to me.


  • minimus

    Blondie, I like your reason for living......Seriously, though, we really never know WHY people are the way they are. How many people suffer everyday due to depression, anger, self-loathing, abuse, etc.? It makes us think about how we should treat one another, kindly, if at all possible......It interests me to realize how many people just don't want to live at times. How fortunate it is when a person can look back and see that getting help improved their joy in life......EVERYDAY OF LIFE IS WORTH LIVING!

  • Scully

    Yes. Suicide seemed like a viable option one time. I'd been sick with postpartum depression for months, and was treated worse than a pile of dog poo by our congregation. It culminated at the Memorial in 94, when the servers had obviously been instructed to keep me from handling the emblems while they were being passed. At that point, I didn't know what I had done that was so awful, but I just wanted to save Jehovah the trouble of destroying me at Armageddon. I ended up in the hospital.

    There have been other low points in my life where I wanted to just disappear and not exist anymore, or go to sleep and never wake up. Other times, I've thought about becoming a missing person, and starting over with a new identity someplace else, except I figured that nobody would really miss me.

    Love, Scully

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