by Clambake 43 Replies latest jw experiences
Clambake I really feel for you here. But, I just have to say some of the responses have made me really laugh out loud, especially that 'covered in moles' GB crack.
If your wife celebrate chrismas with you then she is really close to getting DFd herself.
I hope it works out. Not sure how I would handle it but probably very passive aggressive. :(
I'd kick his teeth in for not respecting you as her husband.
Texting?
Seriously?
Congratulations on the baby!
Absolutely you must stop this guy, you already have the cult wedge in your marriage to some degree and now this guy on top of that?!
If he doesn't back off simply write a letter to NY and explain in the nicest way that you find it completely inappropriate for him to be constantly contacting your wife.......Use the headship thing for all it's worth! Tell them how unchristian you find it for another man to be so involved with another man's wife on such a regular basis...... Get started now if you want to do Christmas. Then you can have a lovely holiday with your new little one and beautiful wife.
Sounds like he kind of has the hots for her to me and feels he can or will protect her from you.
Over the years and reading all the elder stories it seems to me that some weird elders have a 'harem' mentality when it comes to the women. They (the elder) becomes the 'headship' for the poor sisters with ubm's. They like the power it gives them to be able to micromanage and have control over these brainwashed women who fear reprisal from the higher ups.
Calmbake,
If you want to get a pound of flesh, make it a big deal.
I personally would do the following, in the most kind and gentle manner possible.
Call him and get him on the line. Tie in another elder from the hall as a witness. Then explain very kindly that his private texts to his wife are not welcome. You know he doesn't mean anything bad etc... but that you would like them to stop. It will embarrass him, you don't come off as a lunatic, and you can even bring up that section of the elders manual already shared. Be super kind. it will stop, and put him on notice that you are no dummy.
It has been said in this thread but I want to emphasize it.
This goes against all the training the elders get of never contacting a person from the opposite sex alone. Specially when the spouse is not a JW. You must talk with your wife first about the issue, and make sure she understands that is not because you hate the Jw's. It is to avoid reproach to Jehovah's name (use the JW lingo) then talk with the Coordinator of the body of elders and have this guy present. Let them know that if he does not STOP this asap, you will contact the Circuit Overseer.
I don't have any experience myself, Other people here have been elders and seem to have good advice.
I am in my 30's and my closest JW girlfriends, 2/3, were married to UBMs. After they had kids... they felt they had to try extra hard to raise them JWs. They subjected themselves to their service overseer or random elder in the hall who took interest, almost as if it was their husband. Not sexual in any way, but in a bizarre way I can't explain. There is some common bond between JWs being IN vs OUT... he is capitalizing on this.
I would play it this way-yes its a game to play. I would talk to HER and make sure she knows you feel its weird. I would act like you are threatened by their communication--it being inappropriate--why isn't the WIFE texting her anyway? Her wanting to give a 'good witness' will see this is stumbling you and be more sensitive to YOUR feelings, than to defending him. Make sure she stays on YOUR side, not defending him. Who cares if he is ugly, fat, bald...i am sure your wife is young since she had a baby...and affairs rarely happen due to good looks. My point? Use this to get her on your side and have him back the F*&^ off. Its weird- and totally inappropriate.
I am in my 30's and woke up after multiple back to back pregnancies, because of the amount of work vs lack of support from congregation members. I hope this works for your wife.
Find your balls man! She's your wife and a new mother, for goodness sakes. Tell him in no uncertain terms to LEAVE. YOUR. WIFE. ALONE!!!
Field Service????? Jesus sent mothers with newborns door to door? Is he CrAzY? This type of thing only happens when you deal with someone who has a serious case of the stupid.
He is trying to become her spiritual head since you are an unbeliever . NIP it in the bud now !! Because the next step will be him taking interest in your child ,grooming her/him for the ministry ect. You do not want this man weaseling himself into your family . Level with your wife that you do not like this interference into your family life . It IS inappropriate for this Elder to be texting your wife ! If he needs to 'shepherd' her spiritually it needs to be done at the hall in the presence of others.
We had a situation in our Hall about 30 years ago, an Elder who was in da troof for decades,married with grown children, took interest in a sister who was bringing the kids to the meetings with an unbelieving mate, the relationship wasn't sexual, but the elder was removed from elder privileges, can't remember if he was put on probation or not (what's it called when not Df'd, can't remember) but nothing happened to the sister
