What would happen ??

by Clambake 43 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Clambake

    There is a certain elder in my wives hall that has seemed to developed a real interest her.

    First he seemed to feel a need to make sure all her blood cards were signed before she gave birth to our child.

    He sends her text messages if she misses a meeting saying how much " We missed you last night "

    He finally sent her a text wondering where her Oct hours were , knowing she had some pretty serious tears from child birth and could hardly even walk, much less do field service "

    I am seriously thinking about having a meeting with him and telling him I don't feel comfortable contacting my wife any more.

    Would this cause more harm than good ?

  • John Aquila
    John Aquila

    There is a certain elder in my wives hall that has seemed to developed a real interest her.

    Speaking as a former elder, I would never let any man especially an elder to get that close to my wife. Definitely tell him if he needs to talk to your wife regarding anything, he needs to go through you. That's the headship arrangement in the JW world.

  • DesirousOfChange

    I would suspect (and hope) that he is just trying to encourage a "sister" in the Cong who has an UBM. Is he newly appointed? Usually the zeal like this fizzles after a several months of being an Elder.

    However, you certainly could call or meet him and make it clear that you do NOT appreciate his constant calls to YOUR WIFE. Tell him you think that is inappropriate. Tell him if it continues you are going to contact his Circuit Overseer and the WT HQ.


  • punkofnice
    Clam - Have that meeting with him. He's stepping on your toes. As JA says; he needs to go through you. That's the headship arrangement in the JW world.
  • Clambake

    This elder is a real uber one. My wife on the other hand isn’t the most zealous dub in the world. Five hours a month tops.

    I am beginning to think he is some narcissistic bully going after weaker members of the flock.

    Where I live most congregations have kind of reached an equilibrium where no one joins or no one leaves. I think he misses the good old days of steak-outs and markings and kangaroo court.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath
    if you know for certain who it is--just turn up at the KH and have it out with him. loudly--in front of all the others. you will feel so much better afterwards.
  • Clambake

    Right now, He thinks when it comes to the bible I am some kind of dolt. All I have told him is I don’t believe there is much sincerity in your teaching when you can’t disagree with the GB.

    If wants to have some bible discussion, debate, whatever…………..does a person kindly show himself the entire religion is just complete bullshit based around twisting parables into the prophetic books of the bible or does that do more harm than good ?

    The last elder I studied with remarked how well I knew the basic biblical canon and then marked my wife and didn’t call me anymore. We were just dating then of course.

  • Finkelstein

    JWS elders are consumed in seeking out and reconfirming their power and control, you perhaps are seen by him as a weakness in spiritual appearance, therefore he goes after your wife directly.

    A another way of thinking about it would be elders see the rest of the congregation as " Their flock "

    Perceived possessions that uphold and sustain his own power and control and personal stature.

    Then again if you are not a practicing JWS, he may be just side stepping you for obvious reasons.

    Nevertheless you should approach him on how uncomfortable you are about him contacting your wife directly.

  • brandnew
    Tell that lame to kick rocks !!!!!
  • TheMark

    I'd be very suspicious of any man who is tip toeing around my wife behind my back. If it makes you feel uncomfortable then he needs to know and stop.

    However, if you plan to talk to this man, I wouldn't do it without my wife's knowledge. Let her know that you do not intent on making this a big issue or causing disruptions. He just needs to stop. If he wants to encourage her he should do it publicly at the hall. And by that I mean no backroom shenanigans.

    You have every right to tell this guy to back off. And make certain they (other elders) understand that it shouldn't have any negative effects on your wife. If you see she is being treated differently, involve the CO.

    Good luck

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