How I Help The Society Fake Its Statistics

by metatron 38 Replies latest watchtower scandals

  • metatron

    I confess: I'm a fake publisher. I turn in a fake field service report. I claim fake hours. In my last year as an elder, most of my hours were made up. Because of a commitment to a handicapped relative, I can't escape every meeting, just about 90% of them. So, I fake it. I feel no shame about this because publishers and hours are coerced by elders encouraged to DA innocent people trying to just get away. I'm not accepting blame anymore than I would attribute blame to any person living under coercion - perhaps in a foreign dictatorship. In addition to this, the "preaching work" is fake in itself. Sitting in the van, getting warm, driving to the far border of another county while "counting time", taking coffee breaks, TALKING TO NO ONE while knocking on unanswered doors, selling cheap, stupid magazines on kite-flying or lying Watchtower propaganda - this is an imaginary "ministry". Like any pretentious dictatorship, the Watchtower Society WANTS GOOD NUMBERS THAT TELL EVERYONE HOW GREAT EVERYTHING IS. In North Korea, they might fake Tractor production - here, it's publishers and hours. I'm part of a rapidly growing movement within the organization of fake Witnesses. Why do you think the Society is now experimenting with advertisements on television? Because so much of their "millions of hours spent in the ministry" is fake, unproductive, phoney. Even BAPTISMS are LARGELY FAKE because they are dominated, in this part of the world, by Witness kids who plan on leaving anyway - and were coerced by their families. I intend to count time spent exposing the Watchtower Society on the internet and by word of mouth. I intend to report time preaching the TRUTH about the "truth". So, when your idiot Witness relatives proclaim "Wow, the work is rapidly expanding because they reported 1,004,736 publishers in December!" - just smile and remember me and all the other tens of thousands of publishers who have suddenly appeared out of nowhere in the past few months - in their tainted figures. You'll hear from me about this next month. Yours in pretense, metatron

  • SYN

    Excellent post, Metatron. Even when I was in the "Truth", there was a lot of this sort of thing going on, chiefly amongst the younger Publishers, most of whom didn't give a flying **** at a rolling doughnut about going out in Service. Good.

  • acsot

    Metratron: You've just described my situation! In fact, I am quite delighted to participate in distorting the WTS' obsession with statistics. Their comfort is in numbers, not the people for whom they should be showing compassion and understanding. I remember feeling so guilty about low hours, when I used to be a "super" pioneer, almost killing myself in the process of getting my monthly required hours on that damn service slip. Hehehe, not anymore ........

  • minimus

    Hmm, Met/Min.....How did you get into my head and say all those things I've been thinking? This is SCARY. Personally, don't know why you guys don't think that the Society doesn't fudge numbers.

  • scotsman

    Been there. When i pioneered all my reports were faked I just made sure they all added up to the annula 1000 hours. And I just made sure my literature placements matched whatever was in the monthly report. This of course made me a model pioneer for 2 years.

  • NameWithheld

    Met, I faked the last year or so I spent 'in' too. It was SO much easier that way, though I usually waited for Bro 'pester you for time' to call before I turned in my fake time. Funny thing was, I always thought, surely they know that this is a total BS FS report! They didn't seem to care though. Not as long as I made up some #'s to report.

    Min, I don't think that the WTBTS has to fake/fudge the reports. The people 'in the field' do it for them. The Joe Publisher who does like I did above, the elders who call around every month to extract #'s from Joe Pub, and the C.O.s who pester the elders to pester Joe Pub for a better FS report. (Though I guess now it's each BS conductors who pester Joe Pub for his FS report)

  • Elsewhere

    Yup... my last year of so in was almost nothing but fake hours.

  • Voyager


    Absolutely correct-good writing. Hits the nail right on the head. Couldn't agree more. I knew an Elder once , who counted time visiting his father in the nursing home. His father, by the way, claimed to be of the anointed. He would leave mag issues there in the nursing home, and then he had the gall to turn in time for his FATHER. He claimed that his father was witnessing to other patients in the nursing home. Unbelievable, due to the fact that his father was, crippled, bedridden, and had tubes in his mouth and nose.

    But as long as there were high numbers, for the COs visit, then everything was just fine.


    Hey Metatron,you cracked me up with your post.Good one.....OUTLAW

  • RR

    Man, my wife and I pioneered for the last three years of our time there and we rarely did any time!

    I remember asking my wife, "how much time you want to submit?"


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