Waking up to TTATT: Blessing or Curse?

by Jules Saturn 34 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Jules Saturn
    Jules Saturn

    If you take the red pill, you'll have knowledge, you'll be awakened, aware of reality, you'll have freedom.

    If you take the blue pill, you stay in your bubble, wearing rose colored glasses, and feel security in an illusion.

    Taking the red pill isn't something that's easy to do. To accept that everything around you is an illusion built up on lies or half truths. But hey, it might feel good to be aware and break free from this illusion. But is it? Because while you've taken the red pill, your friends, your family are still taking the blue pill. So now, you're alone and now you don't have anybody because they most likely will NEVER take the red pill.

    As I type this, it has been a year since my doubts on the Org began to grow and I began researching and researching. Then the 2016 Presidential Election happened. And I was sure that the Great Tribulation was going to start soon. That's what I was hearing all around me. My parents were saying it, my friends, all the speculation. And I was frightened. I didn't want to be left out of the ark, or be outside of the "bunker" or basement, however you want to call it. But then January 2017 came and I still continued my research, it wasn't until then that I had finally woken up.

    It was such a crazy experience, like removing headphones and looking to your left and right and seeing a whole bunch of smiling faces and nodding during the meetings and the thunderous applauds during an assembly over a young child getting baptized, dedicating the rest of their life, to this.

    But see now I feel stuck, I question if all the research was worth it? Was I better off having taken the blue pill? Stay in the illusion, the fantasy? Keep my family and friends and marry a sister and raise young JW children the same way I was raised and indoctrinate them? Continuing to live with a chain and ball attached on my leg? I have no doubt that all of this psychologically messes a person up. See because now I've taken the red pill, and I can't go back, I can't take the blue pill, and because of that I can lose my family and friends. It's really sad isn't it? Anybody else every think about this?


  • HereIgo


    I think its normal for Ex JWs to go through this thought process. After all, we were indoctrinated into a cult and brainwashed. In my opinion, those thoughts do fade eventually. I left 6 years ago and the first year was rough, but over time, I no longer had those thoughts. These days, the WT organization 100% no longer have a hold on me. However, every one is different. I personally though, could no longer live a lie, its worse than being shunned in my opinion.

  • Diogenesister

    Always reality...always.

    But....I have a confession.

    I am a secret watcher of JW broadcast videos, and not just any old stuff.

    I love to watch the most emotional ones about the resurrection. The one of sergie playing violin in the field after death, of Jesus waking the dead girl-child, of the dead son reunited with his father in the 2016 convention video. Of the paradise video....The old couple as they stare at a cameo picture of a long dead daughter.

    And I bawl like a baby.

    I bawl for my grandparents whom I will never see young and vigorous. I bawl for the millions of dead children who never even made it to 5. Who were sent up the chimney, or to work in the "dark satanic mills" and whose bodies were thrown into a paupers grave.

    I cry for a lost dream that my modern, science loving skeptic cannot countenance .....A world ruled by an egotistical dictator.....but whom we tolerate to have our dead loved ones back.

    And the lives that our sense of justice demands from our cruel world... the unloved, unwashed, uncared for, unmourned masses in their unmarked graves.

    I can't help it, it's my dirty athiest secret.

  • neat blue dog
    neat blue dog

    I have these thoughts every so often, and it's definitely affected my mood and emotions because I, like you, mentally left in 2016.

  • Crazyguy

    Most have thought the way your thinking but it's to late for you and for us. I would not want my mother who is in her 70's to wake up but at the same time how evil would I be if I didn't try to wake up a child or a younger one so they could have a normal life. JWs live in a delusion and in the end they die most of them poor , destitute, many homeless, and in the end a useless un accomplished life, giving up all their dreams and desires for nothing.

  • LongHairGal


    I'm sorry about the dilemma you face as a born-in and hope you find a way around this or through it....Finding the Truth About The Truth was a relief for me because I had too many rude awakenings that something was wrong with the JW religion.

    I then planned my "fade". I reconnected with old friends and relatives before it was too late. My only regret was that I didn't do it sooner.

    But, I do believe if somebody is very elderly - let them have their fantasy. I agree with CRAZYGUY on this... If it's a young person - I hope they find TTATT before they are condemned to a life of ignorance and poverty which the religion is pushing. I glad I didn't buy their nonsense.

    Best of luck,

  • LisaRose

    I wasn't happy as a Jehovah's Witness so I wouldn't go back to living in a bubble, even if I could. Yes, it was hard losing family and friends, but it does get easier with time, while being in a soul sucking cult never got easier and never would have.

    Eventually you will make new friends and have your own family, so you will not feel the loss of your parents quite as much. Throughout your life relationships will change, situations will change, people will come and go, you will adjust and move on. Five years from now you will wonder what you were upset about.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Would we have been better off taking the Blue Pill?

    I've wondered that sometimes, too. Sometimes it really seems like it would be easier to NOT KNOW TTATT. I still think that is probably true for someone who is a JW and in advanced age. Would they really be better off to have to start all over? We were in our 50s when we became part of the "conscious class". It has been difficult. But would I prefer to have our children and grandchildren (BTW, all are "out") on the JW treadmill? NO! Our children all have degrees. All have pretty good jobs/careers. Our grandchildren all have opportunity as great as they can personally achieve and we'll see to it that they have a pretty good "head start".

    Give me the Red Pill any day!

    The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!

    Do everything you can to ensure that you and your family gain the greatest revenge possible!

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    It is both a blessing and a curse.

    I mourn the loss of my past, over 25 of my healthiest, productive years spent in useless cultish busywork. (Was a stupid, bloody CONVERT at the age of 20, woke up, or started the slow process of wakening up, when I was nearly 50!)

    I think about the show The Matrix a lot sometimes, and I understand why the guy wanted to be plugged back in....!


    And I have also bawled my head off at their stupid emotional videos... It feels like being a little kid who just lost Santa Clause all over again.

    We are innocent, trusting Drones no longer.


    (("... and this is what it sounds like, when doves cry..."))


    It's been over 5 years since I woke up, and I had been in it TOTALLY - "whole-heartedly" - and I hate their words now. They sicken me, literally.


    You are going through a loss, and a growth.

    It is a process.... Yes, a journey. Look how many people post here, some even after being out for decades. Nobody else (unless having been through a similar experience) "gets" or understands what being a JW is really like. We may make new non-JW friends, yes, but they will never understand quite how .... surreal/ controlled/ fear-inspired (Armageddon, doing something wrong, being disfellowshipped, losing family thru shunning, facing persecution, on and on it goes) was our existence.

    Becoming free is a process... A discovery... There will be some bumps and hurts, but there will also be magic and wonderful things too.....



    DesirousOfChange: THANK YOU! Your words are SPOT ON!! I was almost getting morose there, your words shook me out of it!! Red pill (unless too old or fragile for such a rude awakening) all the way!!!

  • Chook

    I was devastated when I realised it was a fraud, so many wasted years . But better late than never.

Share this