I need some advice

by SpunkedTeen 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • FayeDunaway

    Great advice here!

    Use the next few years to do as well as possible in school. Talk to your guidance counselor now, tell her your family situation and that you have no support for going to college. She will give you good advice on how to proceed.

    If you don't have a job, get one. This will give you time away from family, and save at least half of your money towards college.

    what are you passionate about? Pursue it, and see if there are any community programs similar. Try to make new friends.

    You can get out of this small pond you've been brought up in, you just need to go slowly. Don't feel desperate. You're going to be ok.

  • stuckinarut2

    FAYEDUNAWAY: You can get out of this small pond you've been brought up in, you just need to go slowly. Don't feel desperate. You're going to be ok

    Great comment.

    Yes, just maintain your positive and natural personality. Build new networks of people and slowly you will see that the 'pond' or 'goldfish bowl' environment that we thought was our whole world, is not.

  • LisaRose

    It's nice that you want to stay in to make your family happy and it would be hard to lose them, but you have to live your life for you, not for your family. Your life is not going to stay the way it is right this moment no matter what you do. You will make new friends, you will lose friends, you will get closer to some family, you may not be as close with some family. You will change and grow as an individual. You can choose to stay in the bubble that is JW life, but know that living in that bubble has a cost, the cost is your freedom and opportunities. Do you want to look back on your life thirty years from now and regret the opportunities that you missed?

    It's hard to go through change, but sometimes that is the only way we can meet our full potential, to be our best self. Only you can decide if losing your family is good enough reason to stay in a bad religion, but if I had it to do over I would have left thirty years earlier.

  • Mary J Blige
    Mary J Blige

    I agree with what has been said.

    You feel like this moment in time is going to last forever. You feel like in 5 years time you will be thinking and doing the same thing as now. You are in a rut of grief.

    But if you take the sound advice that you have been given - get a hobby - get a part time job - do some volunteer work - stay in school - get a higher education or trade qualification - there is only one thing that I would encourage you to do other than that....


    Even just jot notes of what you have done, experiences you have had, fun times or moments of clarity. This way (in one year, five years and ten years), you can:

    1. Measure your life growth - and BE PROUD!

    2. Gain confidence in yourself and then

    3. Set some goals, direct your life path and GO GET IT!

    This took me a long time to do because I was always so worried about making other people happy that I didn't stop to think about or focus on what might make me happy.

    You are young, you have prospects, you are clearly a thoughtful and caring teen. Put that to good use - on yourself. Live an authentic and inspired life. X

  • Guy Montag
    Guy Montag
    How do I post a topic
  • OnTheWayOut

    It is difficult, but I bet that deep down, you know you will have to find a way out of the Watchtower. As a teen, you need to take your time and figure this out carefully. But as a teen, you may think that years are an awfully long time.

    At some point, you will have to face a loss. Try to make it a loss of JW friends and not JW family. Ditch the fake friends at some point and start developing real friends. Consider your career future to be way more important than your JW or former JW future and make goals.

    You will figure it out.

  • rebel8

    The reasons you're saying you'll stay in are techniques high control groups use to...keep people in.

    Here is some info from a site run by ex-Scientologists.

    The individual is prepared for thought reform through increasing rewards and punishments, efforts are made to establish considerable control over a person's social environment, time, and sources of social support. Social isolation is promoted. Contact with family and friends is abridged, as is contact with persons who do not share group-approved attitudes. Economic and other dependence on the group is fostered. (In the forerunner to coercive persuasion, brainwashing, this was rather easy to achieve through simple imprisonment.)

    Disconfirming information and nonsupporting opinions are prohibited in group communication. Rules exist about permissible topics to discuss with outsiders. Communication is highly controlled. An "in-group" language is usually constructed.

    Frequent and intense attempts are made to cause a person to re-evaluate the most central aspects of his or her experience of self and prior conduct in negative ways. Efforts are designed to destabilize and undermine the subject's basic consciousness, reality awareness, world view, emotional control, and defense mechanisms as well as getting them to reinterpret their life's history, and adopt a new version of causality.

    Intense and frequent attempts are made to undermine a person's confidence in himself and his judgment, creating a sense of powerlessness.

    Nonphysical punishments are used such as intense humiliation, loss of privilege, social isolation, social status changes, intense guilt, anxiety, manipulation and other techniques for creating strong aversive emotional arousals, etc.

    Certain secular psychological threats [force] are used or are present: That failure to adopt the approved attitude, belief, or consequent behavior will lead to severe punishment or dire consequence, (e.g. physical or mental illness, the reappearance of a prior physical illness, drug dependence, economic collapse, social failure, divorce, disintegration, failure to find a mate, etc.).

    Robert Jay Lifton's Eight Point Model of Thought Reform

    1. ENVIRONMENT CONTROL. Limitation of many/all forms of communication with those outside the group. Books, magazines, letters and visits with friends and family are taboo. "Come out and be separate!"

    2. MYSTICAL MANIPULATION. The potential convert to the group becomes convinced of the higher purpose and special calling of the
    group through a profound encounter / experience, for example, through an alleged miracle or prophetic word of those in the group.

    3. DEMAND FOR PURITY. An explicit goal of the group is to bring about some kind of change, whether it be on a global, social, or
    personal level. "Perfection is possible if one stays with the group and is committed."

    4. CULT OF CONFESSION. The unhealthy practice of self disclosure to members in the group. Often in the context of a public gathering in the group, admitting past sins and imperfections, even doubts about the group and critical thoughts about the integrity of the leaders.

    5. SACRED SCIENCE. The group's perspective is absolutely true and completely adequate to explain EVERYTHING. The doctrine is not subject to amendments or question. ABSOLUTE conformity to the doctrine is required.

    6. LOADED LANGUAGE. A new vocabulary emerges within the context of the group. Group members "think" within the very abstract
    and narrow parameters of the group's doctrine. The terminology sufficiently stops members from thinking critically by reinforcing a "black and white" mentality. Loaded terms and clich├ęs prejudice thinking.

    7. DOCTRINE OVER PERSON. Pre-group experience and group experience are narrowly and decisively interpreted through the absolute doctrine, even when experience contradicts the doctrine.

    8. DISPENSING OF EXISTENCE. Salvation is possible only in the group. Those who leave the group are doomed.

  • getanewplanstan
    Good comments on this thread in spite of the originator being a poser. However, he/she is a stand in for real ones looking for advice.
  • Quarterback

    What's a poser? Oh, oh,,,,,don't tell me we've been , "Posed"

    That's not good.

  • SpunkedTeen
    Thank you all for your advice it helped alot

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