What to do?...

by DazedAndConfused 29 Replies latest jw experiences

SheilaM

Rev: Thanks for replying to this thread, and in the way you did. I think that is all I will add right now.
AlanF I again say to youthat was a mean way to handle the thread
RevMalk

Thanks again guys.
Listen, AlanF and I had some correspondence last night, and it's just incredible to be what he has in his head. There are some that believe I'm trying to be something I'm not, and that's just not true. I'm not trying to be anything, I'm just me. I've done nothing special and I am no-one special, as he's so good at pointing out. There is no following, there is no conspiracy, there is nothing. I don't know what I can do to make people understand that, but Alan pointed out that time will tell, and I guess time is all I have on my side. He believes something different and extraordinary and exciting will occur over time, and LambsRoar will fail and all sorts of rantings, whereas I believe what will happen was meant to happen. LambsRoar for example, he's insistent that it will fail. That can't happen because if no-one ever posts on that site again, those things are there as a matter of record and will remain there until the day I die, if not longer. If no-one posts there again, and someone reads a thread 30 years from now, and they benefit from that, then it's served it's purpose. If people continue to utilize the site for whatever their needs might be, then that's great too. Would I like to see that happen? Of course, because I think it's a beneficial tool in this cause, but I realize that if it doesn't continue, it's not what we needed and I will go on with life, knowing I tried my best and that's all I can do. But in my mind it is already a success, like I said, even if it never receives another post again.
Alan also accuses me of asking for money. From whom have I done this? I'd like to see anyone come forward and let us know if you've received such a request, because I have never asked anyone for money. To date I have never received one penny from anyone. We have a button for donations, yes, but as anyone who owns a website can attest to, it's not cheap to maintain a site like this. Sure, we don't use as much bandwidth as Simon does, but it's not cheap.
I'm also accused of generating links to make money on my OTHER websites that are failing. I maintain over 200 websites, this is true, but I have not one that is a revenue generating business. I receive payment to maintain them, this is true, but not from you guys, from the owners of the sites. It's kind of complicated to explain, my fingers are in each of these websites, and I did build every one of them, but I do not receive revenue from the general public, my income comes from the maintenance and such from these businesses only. So, it would be no benefit for me to promote these websites on LambsRoar even if I ever did do that, which I have not! The only link I have to one of my outside websites, is my parent company, a copyright notice for the design of the site, and that's it. And even at that, I have not had the time to finish developing the site, because I've been busy with all of this. If I were to use this cause for my own financial gain, I sure as hell would have made sure my one and only site that's designed to bring me income from the general public was finished! GRITS can back me up on this, she knows I've been trying to find the time to finish it since what? October?
The rest of the things Alan had to say to me, besides telling me I'm a con man, is garbage that keeps rearing it's ugly head over and over again regarding silentlambs, and I just won't go there anymore. It's ridiculous to keep spreading this trash. If I had done all those things then there'd be proof, but no-one has found any because it doesn't exist. But I will tell you one thing. I am sick and tired of hearing it. Alan was nothing but cruel in our correspondence, and it's just shocking to me. Both his ignorance to this entire situation, his arrogance and his lack of compassion. These guys have pushed and pushed and pushed until I am at the very edge, and I cannot mentally handle it any further. You cannot maintain a cause that's intended to stand up for what is right and just and good, that has a foundation of deceit and cruelty. Good does not come from evil and evil does not come from good, so what's it going to be? Is this going to continue? Because I've had it.
I am ready to forgive and forget and make amends with all of you that wish to continue this stupid war, but it's a two way street, I cannot accomplish this alone. I'm sick and tired of fighting when we're supposed to be supporting. I am tired of taking pot shots at each other when we're suppose to be working together. This is making me sick inside, and it hurts us all when this continues.
I'm just plain tired.
DazedAndConfused

I am sorry that I didn't get back to this thread earlier. At first I didn't say anything because I had hoped it would get lost. Apparently that is not in the cards, as they say. I tried a couple of times today to find it, but with limited time and having the flu right now I couldn't find it.
I just came in and it was right there. I never intended for this to happen and never thought that it might have been a possiblility. I apologise to everyone for this, especially Rev. Yes, I am going through a very hard time right now but it does not excuse what I did. I can sit here forever and try to justify or find reasons why I did it, but that is not going to change that I did it. Nor will it make it better. I did it and I so very sorry I did.
At some point I will probably get into what is going on with me, but I can't do that right now. Right now I am just doing the best I can to get things back on track. I love my brother so much and I look back and I am appalled at my own actions. I am glad that my brother is such a loving, forgiving man.
pettygrudger

Dazed - I myself have a brother that suffers awful bouts of depression, usually taking his hurt,anger & frustration out on those he loves the most. Rev. Malk obviously adores you, lean on him as he seems a huge rock of strength. I hope you feel better soon as well.!
Rev.Malk - has anyone considered the possibility in light of "other" recent events that perhaps there was some "campaigning" & games being played behind your back & Bill Bowen's? Has anyone considered the possibility that many persons have been "played" against one another to who knows what goal? I think its worth finding out - who know's how AlanF got his information, but its very possible he may have been misled as well as many here have been as I'm finding out!
Brummie

(((Dazed))))
I had no idea you meant RM was your brother, I just remembered you mentioned something about your brother back on the Trinity thread, didnt go back to check it out.
Its very humble of you to make the last post.
Petty you are a wealth of support, it stands out a lot in your posts that you care for people and want nothing but to help. Your a credit to your friends.
Brummie
pettygrudger

Thanks Brummie! (I'm trying to be just like mouthy - she's my hero! )
You're pretty kind & caring yourself I've seen in many of your posts, and not one to jump to "conclusions" quickly without seeing both sides.....that's a great characteristic!
But I mean what I said to Rev - it would be awful if it was someone(s) personal vendetta trying to topple not only Silent Lambs but LRD - both are invaluable services (or could be given the chance). It would truly be a shame to watch either fail due to someone's personal grudges (Simon how do I change my name???????)
RevMalk

Thank you Dazed, for the kind words. I don't want anyone to think that I have been completely innocent in our spats, because I have not. Dazed and I can really get crazy sometimes going back and forth. It hasn't happened in a long long time, but when we do, we BOTH can go way overboard. It's because we're so much alike in so many ways, and we're both stubborn as hell! But we'll get through this together, that's what families are for :) I love you sis!
Rev.Malk - has anyone considered the possibility in light of "other" recent events that perhaps there was some "campaigning" & games being played behind your back & Bill Bowen's? Has anyone considered the possibility that many persons have been "played" against one another to who knows what goal? I think its worth finding out - who know's how AlanF got his information, but its very possible he may have been misled as well as many here have been as I'm finding out!

Well, what I said about Alan on the first page still rings true. I believe his heart is in the right place, but his mind if being deceived. There's nothing I can really do to change that it seems, but my invitation for him to learn the truth, and know the real me is and always will be open. As for an outside source, you know, that is something that has been in my head a bit, especially when I heard GRITS mention that silentlambs has been having some problems with their site and such, and LambsRoar has been having some trouble with the search engine links, I don't want to really get into specific because I have a ton of work to do today, but we're being shut out of different places because we're being considered a 'hate group'. And someone had emailed me. A web technician of some sort emailed me and informed me he believes there is something going on, and this was after I'd been already getting a bit paranoid. I know this seems far fetched, but many search engines are powered by a handful of sources, some of which are manually edited by administrators. And these people are telling me that we can't be there because we're against JWs, even though the main page of LambsRoar says the complete opposite. Meanwhile the KKK is entitled to their opinions, the largest most disgusting group of people on this planet.
The whole thing just seems odd, and you might just have a valid point. I'm willing to accept anything that sounds fairly reasonable just to end this stupid childish war, of which I have not been completely innocent either.
I just want it over, that's all.
You know what's really funny, just as I was about to submit this post, I received an email from one of the search engines, because I emailed them and chewed them out. Here' what they had to say:

Thank you for your email. I have consulted with other members of the team and see that you have made improvements to your site that
will make it acceptable to run.

Ummmmm........I have made no changes....except we added Dr. Franklin, that was it. Does that mean that now they think we're legit, because we have a Doctor? Who knows.....
abbagail

Wow, a lot of activity in this thread since I last checked it.
Dazed, I'm so happy for you and Rev, that you guys are talking and sharing your true feelings. It's the only way to succeed. Congrats and may you find peace in your efforts to get a handle on things in your life.
Rev, I'm glad you wrote about what transpired with the AlanF correspondence, and also the other comments about everything. And you did it in a "nice" way rather than an angry one. Good going!
BTW, let me clear up that when I mentioned in the "other" thread about SL site having problems, I didn't mean any NEW ones. I meant the same ones SL said were occurring previously.
PettyG, I had wondered the same thing, about possible third-party shenanigans purposely causing "trouble by decree" between the (now) split lambs groups. The only possible "motive" I could imagine would be that the third-party may have wanted their own "group" to come out the "winner," so to speak. But I'm not really convinced that is a true motive.
However, Rev... how "timely the feet bringing good news of good things" as far as that email from the search engine people. Hmmmm... yesterday the "exposure," then today an "acceptance email" by the search engine company? How long did you have to wait for this reply to your email to them?
Either/or, it's ridiculous what they said about how you have now changed your site so it is now acceptable to them. Did you write back and ask for clarification of that statement?
RevMalk

Rev, I'm glad you wrote about what transpired with the AlanF correspondence, and also the other comments about everything. And you did it in a "nice" way rather than an angry one. Good going!

haha, are you saying that I'm getting better?
BTW, let me clear up that when I mentioned in the "other" thread about SL site having problems, I didn't mean any NEW ones. I meant the same ones SL said were occurring previously.
oh ok, sorry! But do you mean it's more of the same problems or you were speaking of the past?
PettyG, I had wondered the same thing, about possible third-party shenanigans purposely causing "trouble by decree" between the (now) split lambs groups. The only possible "motive" I could imagine would be that the third-party may have wanted their own "group" to come out the "winner," so to speak. But I'm not really convinced that is a true motive.
I don't know if that would be a motive or not, since there doesn't appear to be a third 'group', or am I missing something. As we've seen in the past, people don't really need a motive to cause trouble, except what seems like a thrill ride, and that's all the motive they need. Obviously silentlambs and I had some problems that were definitely not tampered with by a third party, BUT things like when people say I messed with the information on the silentlambs site (where it sits now). I don't believe I ever had access to that site, if I did I didn't know it, because I was saving pages from my browser to move over to the new site, which was a real pain. But anyway, my point is, if the site was messed with, it wasn't me, which it didn't appear to be to me, except that one day when they went down, and I obviously had no access to it then, because that was after the stupid war started. But things like that I guess a third party could have caused. Or the day they shut silentlambs down when it was still on my server......D-day is what I call it, haha. I swear to God I didn't do that, yet they won't believe it. It's odd really, before I was involved with them they told me they get an average of 6 hack attempts a day, but then all of a sudden it all got blamed on me. Well, what happened to the people that were making the hack attempts before I came along??? So, ya in that way a third party may have made things worse. Perhaps Bill and I would not be in the situation we're in had other things not occurred. In other words, these big things may have made us more sensitive to the smaller things. But who knows, all I know is I forgive Bill and ALan for what they've done, and maybe one day they'll find it in their hearts to end this thing.
However, Rev... how "timely the feet bringing good news of good things" as far as that email from the search engine people. Hmmmm... yesterday the "exposure," then today an "acceptance email" by the search engine company? How long did you have to wait for this reply to your email to them?
I don't know, maybe 2-3 days. As a matter of fact, the guy told me to correspond with him directly, and he'll make sure everything is done right.....
Either/or, it's ridiculous what they said about how you have now changed your site so it is now acceptable to them. Did you write back and ask for clarification of that statement?
I haven't written back to him, but I'm not going to go there. I'm satisfied with them letting us back in. The whole thing just baffles me....very very weird stuff.
SheilaM

<heavy sigh of relief>((((((((Rev and Dazed)))))))

What to do?...

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