Take the chick and run!
Truer words were never spoken, Apostle!
Welcome to the board, Fence...I feel for you. I know what its like to fear losing your family. I've
gone through it, and I have to tell you that while it's horrible, that for many, myself included,
there is no other choice. You can't stay in just to keep them. You'll be miserable and end up
self destructing eventually.
If you can drift away slowly, by all means, do so. There's no telling what your family will do in either
case. I'm going to quote now from one of my favorite books: Life Strategies by Phil McGraw:
Everyone, please forgive the length of this post. I think that Mr. Fence can really benefit from the
quotes I'm about to recite. I know I have.
Assignment#2: It's time for you to do a little homework, in part to see if
you're willing to recognize your self defeating excuses and rationales. I want you to sit down and
write a story. The story is entitled:"The Story I'll Tell Myself if I Don't Create Meaningful and
Lasting Change After Reading and Studying This Book."
I want you to be honest. You know your patterns, you know your typical excuses, rationalizations,
and justifications for failure. Just look ahead, see which excuses you are most likely going to rely on
and write them down in a story. I suggest that you begin it by writing: "After reading and studying
this book, I did not create meaningful and lasting change because..."
As you go through this exercise, I want you to be creative, thorough, and brutally honest about
the things you will say to justify your failure. You know you con yourself and let yourself off
the hook when the going gets tough. This is a test to see how willing you are to recognize that con
job that sabotages yourself. It is a test to see if you can tell it like it is, or if you want to just live
with the same old, tired excuses and be right instead of happy.
Now that you have finished writing, lets reflect on what you've done. You have just argued your
limitations. You have just created a record of the thoughts and beliefs that you use to sabotage
yourself in every endeavor you undertake. There, on paper, are the same thoughts and beliefs you will use to prevent this
book from changing your life for the better. The more candid it is, the more self-critical it is, the
more valuable it is. Are any of the following excuses familiar, did some of them get on your list?
-- It was just too hard.
He doesn't really understand me.
That's all for other people.
I couldn't focus because of the kids and my job.
He's just too harsh, I need a gentle approach.
My problems are different.
I need to read it again.
Until my spouse reads it, I'm just spinning my wheels.
I'm right and he's wrong.
Try something new with me for awhile. At least during the period of time that you are reading
this book, you can help yourself immensely if you evaluate your life, behaviour, and thinking very differently.
Instead of asking whether the way you are living, behaving, and thinking is "right", I want you to ask whether
the way you are living, behaving and thinking is working or not working.
I suggest that if what you are choosing is not working that by itself tells you that those things are
worthy of change. This outght to make perfect sense, unless, of course, you're more concerned about
being right than being successful. If, on the other hand, your priority is winning and getting what
you want, then at least for the time that you are reading this book, be willing to "move your position"
on anything and everything that we deal with.
You can always go back to your own way of doing things; resolve that if what you are doing is
not working, you will be willing to change it. I don't mean that figuratively, I mean it
literally. If your marriage isn't working, change what you're doing. If your self-management isn't
working, change what you're doing. If your "child management" is not working, even though you're
dead sure that you're right, change it. What have you got to lose? Forget about being right or winning the
arguement about who is right. If what you're doing is not working, change it. Measure your
thinking and behavior by that simple yardstick, is it working or not working? You've been right
long enough; try being a winner instead.
Having read only what you've read so far, you've arrived at a crossroads. In the next few moments,
you'll be making one of the most important decisions in your life. Will you choose to learn the Life
Laws, fold them into a strategy and begin to live purposefully, or will you just continue to bob
along with your hands in your pockets, taking what comes your way and complaining about
what you don't have?
There never is a "good time," so there's no better time than right now. There's no better place
than right here. This book is for people who are saying, "I have had it. I am sick of this. Show
me the Life Laws , show me how to live strategically and show me how to create what I want
in my life. I am ready."
The game has just begun. It's not too late. Whatever your situation-whether it's just that you
suspect that there's something missing from an otherwise quality life, or your life is in a shamble-
there is a strategy that will make you a winner.
Together we're about to make you bottom-line streetwise and real-world savvy. Enough whining
about "bad genes" or "bad luck" or "bad timing". It is your time and your turn.[/i] But you
have to have the guts to face the truth about yourself. Get your feelings hurt, decide it's all too
harsh, and your life is back where it started. But consider these two truths: First, you've
got what it takes, and you're worth the effort it will take to find that truth and build that strategy.
Second: nobody is going to do it for you. But that's okay, because you don't need a brain transplant;
you don't need a spine transplant; you don't need anything that you don't have within you."
You can have the kind of life you want, Fence. It's all out there. You just have to go get it.
You're in the right place for encouragement to go for it. Take courage. Many of us have
been where you are, and there is a whole different universe for you to discover if you just
believe you can do it.
(of the Dr. Phil is my hero class!) ;)
*edited for typos*