feeling of hopelessness and fear
no religion means freedom from superstition and dogma, and the opportunity to explore uncharted territory, and expand our knowledge and the human potential.
The opposite. Voiding religion from my life gives me deep peace
No witness lives their life carefree. There is reading, underlining or highlighting, field service, gossiping, lying about what movies they watch, chewing their tongues when they want to say "good luck", "pot luck" and "happy birthday". They watch good friends die of old age that should have made it through the big "A". And the older ones are janitors and have no retirement. All these activities and more are the reason they are so miserable.
Touching on what LisaRose stated, it sounds like you may be dealing with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) as well, which many ex-members of mind control cults deal with. It can come in cycles throughout the years until you heal fully, whether on your own or through the guidance of a professional therapist.
The peace we seek is already within us. It's a matter of connecting with ourselves and building the foundation starting from within and extending out. Not, outside extending in. It's a lesson for most of us to learn, some don't and then go on through life reaching outward, pulling things in to feel better until that job, partner, home, religion, drug or alcohol choice collapses and we hit rock bottom coming to this realization.
<<do you have feelings of hopelessness and fear for not having a religion? do you envy happy Jehovah Witnesses and living their lives carefree?>>
Good questions. Let me answer the second one first. I have never met a carefree JW...or one that has any assurance that they will be spared at Armageddon.
As for the first question: Religion never saved anyone. Jesus is a person, who receives and forgives every sinner that comes to Him. Christianity is a relationship with the person who paid fully and finally for the sins of the world, past, present and future. So He is the hope of the world. Knowing Him, and His love casts out all fear of future judgment.
The average Dub is ONLY ABOUT SHOW.
That does not mean that leaving does not have consequences.
I think a must-read book (which I have just started) is:
"Why Does This Keep Happening to Me?" - Alan Downs.
The book speaks about Conscious Agreements and Unconscious Agreements.
These agreements control our lives completely.
They exist in families, among friends, among congo members, and with our version of a Supreme Being.
"Waking Up is Hard to Do"
Totally understand. As long as I thought it was the truth, I loved everything. The meetings, assemblies, service, serving as an elder, you name it. I would enjoy every aspect of it. I loved even listening to the music prelude at conventions. Read every publication since 1983. The reason I was happy is because when you truly believe it is the truth and you are truly dedicated to Jehovah, and not the organization, it is not a burden. True it was tiring. I remember being happy when a meeting was cancelled. But overall, very happy. I must admit, I have always felt God's presence even though my zeal was not based on accurate knowledge. And people like myself hung out with people who felt similar. The ones who were not happy, were the ones who did not keep busy in activities. That is the folly. With hindsight, you can see why the organization wanted to run people into the ground. It keeps the flock in the pen. No thought of leaving or desire to research things beyond the Watchtower. So much of the happiness was based on that. The weak felt depressed and left out. The answer? Do more!!! So 9 months ago when I accidentally learned TTATT, everything went black. But now, things are improving. It was a real test. But I have not abandoned Yahweh and His Christ . I am starting to understand Christ's words: "So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free."- John 8:36
I felt anxious, hopeless and afraid when I was a full on JW and Bethelite doing all I could in the "ministry".
I only realized once I left, how negatively the weekly meetings affected me. Being constantly reminded how inadequate and undeserving I was, how hopeless and broken the world and everyone in it is and how unlikely it was that I'd ever survive Armageddon, was a heavy mental burden to bear and it took it's toll on me.
After leaving, I came to realize that if there is actually a God and if he does have a long term plan for mankind, there is absolutely no reason I shouldn't be a part of it. I finally feel good enough as I am and at peace with the things the way they are. I feel that lending a hand to make a difference now, instead of waiting on a magical cure-all, is a much healthier way of life.
I only realized once I left, how negatively the weekly meetings affected me. Being constantly reminded how inadequate and undeserving I was, how hopeless and broken the world and everyone in it
Every return trip home from meetings and FS was complete CD (without knowing what CD was).
Get this. They are not happy. They are told they are happy....One girl I know who is very beautiful is crushed all the time by the older uglier and horrible ones. She is vibrant. She has been disfellowshipped and never looked better. Very beautiful and very loving. No one would talk to her, her father,, an elder was in all sorts of straights over this.
My advice to her..........Just don't let this religion kill off your love of life and people. She went back and "behaved". What sort of love is that, that one would want to crush the soul out of such a lovely young woman? I hate the crushing of the young ones most of all. There is a jealousy at work here. It seems one can't be beautiful and good....stuff that.
I was beautiful once and now I know what crushing my soul was about.