A poll of sorts: How long have you been a "fader" for?
I am almost a fifteen-year "fader". I have no family in the religion. I do have two friends who sort of know how I feel but I don't rub it in their face. Why do they like me? Because they can be themselves around me and they know it.
I chose the "fade" because I felt such a sneaky and dishonest religion does not deserve to know what I am really thinking either.
I am also of a mind that sometimes a "fader" can drop hints here and there. However, it is not my intention to try and drag anybody out of the religion. I just want them exposed. This way at least people there will know what's going on and can make an informed choice if they want to stay.
I do not know any other "faders" locally and am not modeling myself after anybody. I get the cold shoulder in public when I run into JWs, but who cares? These people weren't my friends 25 years ago. I was a single woman who worked and faced the usual criticism from busybodies!
At this point, I have reached the point of apathy as to what they do or say and a lot of the anger has left me. I have long given up hope of getting "closure" because the people I'd like to tell off have passed away.
I have pretty much moved on.
In NZ congregation secretaries have been asked to compile contact information for those inactive persons to be followed up on by (?). Not sure what the official request says or whether this is purely local needs because of the CO visit next week or branch / org wide. My source speculates that it is to address recent mass faders in the local congregation. Be interesting to see how far back they reach for faders.
1/ 5 years. Stopped cold turkey. A couple of years of barely repressed rage forced me to look at reality.
2/ Had 3 approaches in that time. On each occasion I thanked them for their concern, told them that I would contact them if I required assistance but that at the moment I required none.
3/ Wasn't really aware of others who faded until I left. Once my eyes were opened, I became aware of many that had faded and many more who were in a sort of JW purgatory that only led to JW hell.
4/ No fear. My path out led me very quickly to confirming my long held hunch that the elders are just plain old ordinary men. Not special, not fear inducing, not worthy of any more respect than any other human, certainly not worthy of giving them answers to questions that they had not worked to deserve. As with all humans that I interact with, I try to be honest, respectful and authentic - while being very clear on what personal information I am willing to divulge based on a reciprocated relationship of trust and care.
5/ I'm not shunned per se...I'm just now fully aware of the reality of my life all along. The vast majority of my relationships were conditional, shallow, one way streets.
6/ In the beginning, there was no conscious thought other than self preservation. My rage was becoming all consuming and I had a 3 year old and a newborn. I had no non JW friends and as it turns out no real JW friends either. My family are all zealots who are only interested in relationships for what they can get out of them.
7/ None since stopping.
8/ They may affect my life much the same way as drunk driver may affect my life but they have no power over me. Like a drunk driver, their actions may cause initial disbelief and anger and may even cause my life to veer off onto a path that I can't foresee. I cannot control how others act towards me but I can control if and how I respond and that power is the power I took back the day I left.
1) How long have you been a fader for?
2) How often do you still get pressure from congregation members and/or family to return as an active witness?
For a couple of years but only ones considered "strong in truth" eg, pioneers or elders would come because Mr Possum would ask them questions they found difficult to answer. moved away. most don't return calls or keep in contact. Treated as dead.
3) What is the longest period you have ever known anyone to successfully fade? A successful fade in my view, would be someone who has faded for a period of time but no longer receives any pressure to return to active service (completely left alone).
4) If you have been a fader for more than two years, do you fear you would eventually have to face DA or DF?
Don't fear any penalty from WT. Don't see it as a legitimate organisation. Who cares?
5) As faders, how many of you are being treated as if you were DF'd/DA'd?
Never DF'd or DA'd but treated as dead shunned.
6) Have you faded rather than DA'd due to the possible loss family or is it because you have no network of friends outside the Org?
We could not protect the abuser of our child with two witness rule any longer. Disloyalty for breaking code of silence is rejection all friends and family. Faded from sheer frustration, anger and disappointment.
7) If you consider yourself a fader how many meetings/assemblies/ field service groups do you still attend on average per month?
8) As a fader do you feel that the Org is completely powerless over your life?
Our association with that cult has left us with shattered lives and psychological scars. However, we are in control of our lives and the healing process. Knowledge is power and we continue to learn through forums like this and university education. Martin Luther King JR.' "Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity".
Hopefully My choice of questions should avoid the possibility of disclosing any personal details which might be incriminating.
I will most certainly publish the results once I've had at least a hundred respondents and have found the best way statistically to express the results.
Thanks again to all those who have and will participate!
I had to check with my intro post. :laughing:
8+ years for me.
I faded 21, almost 22 years ago. My family pressured me for first two years, I was very firm that JW religion is BS and they kinda stopped pushing the faith on me. My siblings did not talk to me for over decade, and my mom for about 3 years. Since I moved thousands of miles away, I do not meet anyone in my old KH. I am not interested to meet anyone and I do not care to meet anyone. I do not feel that WT has whatsoever power over my life, nor I consider them as authority for anything. Life goes on. I moved, have successful marriage and career, and past cannot be taken or erased. However, my future is what I am making of it, and WT does not have anything to do with it. I wish my family would break the bond with WT, but it is hard when my mom, my siblings are in the cult, and now my niece is studying to become one. I have bunch of cousins in WT, two of them are elders, uncle, aunt, so there is not escape for my mom from the indoctrination.
It's really challenge me, especially living with JW family members. I have starting to fade in 2011 and finally, I left the JW org in late of 2015.
i never faded
i quit---in 1971. job done.
Stan what made you quit in 1971? You we're so close to the end of the system of things. Must have been big.