So Can DF'ing Be A Bonus?

by Englishman 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • Englishman

    I’m passionately opposed to the unscriptural practice of disfellowshipping. I believe that it preys on mankind’s worse fears of being left alone, an outcast, a pariah shunned by one’s own tribe, a person so reprehensible that even one’s very existence is left unacknowledged. It’s certainly not the invention of a caring Creator, and as for it being a loving act for the DF’d one, please don’t insult my intelligence.

    That being said, I wonder whether or not disfellowshipping can actually be a refuge for the disillusioned witness? It’s undoubtedly a very effective way of stating one’s opinion of the WTBTS! There are some very definite pluses too, no badgering by elders over lack of meeting attendance, no “loving” shepherding calls, no ducking and diving on the telephone. Perhaps even a feeling of quiet satisfaction of having made a positive decision, a sort of “lets go for it” attitude of mind, an end of vacillation.

    Then, of course there is the knowledge that one has stood up to one’s worst nightmare and found the incredible courage needed to overcome these basic fears of being alone and unwanted.

    Maybe, just maybe, the WTBTS’s policy on DF’ing may turn out to be an “own goal” and prove to be a refining process that actually molds the very people who are right now exposing the societies misdeeds for all to see. Just consider the calibre of some of the posters here who’ve been chopped by Brooklyn and tell me that I’m mistaken!


  • unanswered

    well, englishman, i'm not of the high calibre you mentioned, but i think you have a great point! while there has been a big downside to my d/fing, there has been a positive side too. i haven't heard from the elders since i was d/fed, that is a huge note of positivity! also, when out in public, i don't have to worry about talking to certain people that i didn't want to talk to when i was a witness. yes, i definitely think there is something to what you said. cheers-nate

  • jst2laws

    Quote, “I’m passionately opposed to the unscriptural practice of disfellowshipping”.
    Two things I fight with my conscience over, accepting too much responsibility then angrily trying to place the blame where it belongs: 1 Neglecting suicidal individuals I might have done more to help. 2 Having part in disfellowshipping weak persons. A few years ago I was part of a committee that disfellowshipped a sister for fornication, yet at the time of the incident she was not even aware that her conduct was an act of fornication.

    But the way we treat them afterward, as you point out is unconscionable . The harsh approach is supposedly in imitation of how the Jews in Jesus’ time treated a ‘man of the nations’. Yet religious fanaticism in that time resulted in such hatred and harsh intolerance that they murdered Jesus Christ. Why would a reasoning Christian want to imitate their mindset.

  • hippikon

    There is a downside to getting reinstated. Have to have that S--t eating smile every time you go to the Hall. Have to bend over and grasp you ankels every time the elders look at you. I got the last laugh though (1 Ti 5:22)

    "But it does move"

  • Skimmer

    Hello Englishman:

    Perhaps the most overlooked positive effect of being disfellowshipped: One gets to find out which friends are real and which are just hypocrites.

    Here's an idea for a freshly disfellowshipped person to try. Go to the meetings at your Kingdom Hall and act like you're enjoying life like you never have before. Wear a big grin and every time someone looks at you with scorn, return the look with a smile and a good laugh while retaining eye contact as much as possible. Greet everyone by name and make them feel the discomfort of having to adhere to the ridiculous doctrine of shunning. Sit wherever you please and not where they want you to sit. Giggle occasionally, but not enough to give them a justifcation to physically toss you out of the hall. If you are a man, have a couple of large cigars prominently displayed in your vest pocket and make comments like how your sex life has dramatically improved now that you are getting to know real women. If you are a woman, consider wearing some non-traditional clothes (pants, short skirt, or business suit) if you think that will draw attention to you and make comments on how it has become so easy to find quality men. Oh, and mention how you just won several hundred dollars/pounds/euros in the lottery or at the racetrack. Bring your songbook so you can share vocally in at least one part of the meeting, and don't feel bad if you're slightly off-key, off-tempo, or a little too loud. Ask a few non-JW friends to come with you and introduce them to the elders with the opener "I brought my friend here today so he/she could see what JWs are really like".

    Avoid overly obnoxious behavior like arriving drunk or breaking wind during the closing prayer. Do not camp out in the lavoratory, but do feel free to make a contribution of sorts while you're in there. It's only fair that you give them a kilogram of the same stuff they dish out every day by the megaton.

  • outnfree

    Such wit! Such poetry! Such fun!


    I found disassociating myself to be very liberating -- hence my moniker here. I had emotionally disassociated myself about five months before I actually wrote the letter. (I had SERIOUS questions for about a year and a half before that. I had doubts and niggling worries for YEARS before that.) Meetings were to be endured. Inanities were to be rued. Field service became out of the question.

    At the point that I decided to make my move -- the 5 months out point -- I actually did do things that were disfellowshipping offenses according to BORG rules. But they were not unscriptural things. Rather, I visited a sick, disfellowshipped sister, I went to area church services looking for a possible new home, I read apostate material, I met with a local minister, I prayed for and with non-Witnesses about health and other concerns, I shopped for Christmas presents with my non-JW husband, I BOUGHT my non-JW husband a Christmas present. But, alas! my downfall -- for there were never TWO WITNESSES to any of these things -- I tried to share the truth about "the Truth" with my dear friend on the inside.

    Yes, she reported me to the elders, which precipitated MY decision to just walk away. I might've done otherwise, but I decided to lose her (and a very few others) and end it. I had only stayed because of hoping to help her. I had no illusions of my being able to reform the Organization.

    You DO find out who your real friends are. Mine are two [previously]inactive sisters and my ailing disfellowshipped girlfriend. And I have no family who are Witnesses.

    I DID try to point out a few things in my last two meetings with the elders so that they might have a CLUE as to why so many are slowly leaching away. But I don't think I made a dent. And I didn't want to give them enough ammunition to DF me.

    It was VERY important to me to be able to walk out of the KH after my DA announcement with a big smile on my face so that the congregation would understand that I had rejected Jehovah's organization and it had NOT rejected me.

    So, now, if you're thinking of leaving and you want to make a similar statement, don't do something they can disfellowship you for, just write your polite letter and GO.
    But stay for the announcement.
    And walk out with your head high.

    And, as Skimmer noted, you don't have to shun THEM just because they shun you!



    A man must not swallow more beliefs than he can digest.
    -- Havelock Ellis

  • outnfree

    It just occurred to me that some WITH FAMILY inside the Borg might find disfellowshipping to be a better way out, as long as they have family that will not cut them dead.

    Sorry for my narrow-mindedness.


  • Yerusalyim

    I guess if one can overcome the emotional kick in the jimmy over being disfellowshipped it could be a good thing, who knows. Hi Englishman, I missed you ALMOST as much as I did FRED.

  • Englishman

    'evenin', Yeru,

    Nice to see you here, try the chat room for real fun!


  • JT

    Skimmer says:

    Ask a few non-JW friends to come with you and introduce them to the elders with the opener "I brought my friend here today so he/she could see what JWs are really like".


    Skimmer is one sick dude , but my wife and I loved it-

    we had a sister who was DFed who use to bring a different man to the hall at least twice a month and introduce them to different bro in the Hall. She would tell the guys before hand to ask: "Aren't you going to speak to her" Of course the poor JW would be standing there after welcoming the NONJW just looking like a fish out of water

    looking back at the time we thought the sister was just WICKED


    today my wife and i just laugh at the silly rules we tried to keep for WT

    how sad


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