I'm not sure what to do anymore, do I go back and play nice with these idiots all the while trying to plant seeds with my kids?
Crazyguy, I'm a non-JW (never was one), but I have a JW wife, and kids that she'd love to turn into little JWs. I'd did the 'play nice' bit for the longest time. It probably helped early on, because they saw me as a potential recruit. They would be quick to reassure me that I was 'head of household,' while at the same time, teaching my wife and kids to avoid 'bad associations,' and 'worldly people.'
Earlier this year, I began showing my 11 year old son, who is pretty internet savvy, some of the news reports about child abuse among JWs. I also showed him the Silentlambs website, with their long list of predators, and their photos. I've also made him aware of the events in Australia. Now, everytime I see him, he asks me if I've got any updates on these events. I've also got him to think critically about the shunning & disfellowshipping. He's stopped by the Disciples of Christ church with me, during the weekdays, when I drop by to say "hi" to Chris, the pastor. My son knows that THEY don't shun & DF, in fact they do the opposite, by going out into the community and helping out. He sees this, and knows that something's up with the JWs. One more thing, there's a nice little Youtube video of a man, possibly a church pastor, standing in front of a JW convention, and calmly asking attendees if they "imitate Jesus." Almost everyone ignores the guy, and walks right by him. My son sees the irony of this too.
The old saying is, "the best defense is a good offense." I'm not suggesting you go off and join another church, but it'd be good to perhaps introduce yourself to a pastor of one of the more 'mainline' churches (not the fire & brimstone evangelical type). Those guys love to chat about what-would-Jesus-do type stuff, over donuts & coffee, and it would give your kid/s a chance to compare & contrast. One thing my son said right away was, "wow, he's a real nice guy!" His surprise might've stemmed from the fact that, during most of his childhood, he'd been taught that other churches (Christiandom) were bad. Again...I don't PUSH him in my direction, nor am I an active member of that church (Disciples). But after a few friendly visits for coffee with the rev & some of the other members, he can sense the difference ON HIS OWN.
Another thing that has helped, is having sort of a fraternal band of buddies. If you don't already have a 'crew' outside of J-dub land, then I suggest you get cracking. I know some groups, like the Elks, Moose Lodge, Oddfellows, and especially the Freemasons will f-ing HAVE YOUR BACK. Especially, with this sh1t of an elder trying to be your kid's SURROGATE DAD!!
That guy needs to be cornered by you and your crew, and told to BACK the F&CK OFF. Catch him on his way out of the supermarket...or the KH, if he's one of the last to leave. No need to get violent, but just you, with a few of your boys there for effect, should have him shaking for a few weeks.
By the way, I recently told one of the elders, that I knew all about the child abuse problems going on, and that if I found out that MY kids were going out in field service with ANYONE besides their mom, that there'd be serious f&cking consequences.
So, I'd definitely start to go on the offensive, especially if one of your kids starts to see the light, just a little. That's the time to pounce. It's worked for me so far, and has been alot more effective than playing Mr. Nice Guy.
Oh...speaking of. That's a good book: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover. It fits right in with what I've posted here. Even deals with the difficult spouse issue--JW or not. My 2 cents.
