by Peony 33 Replies latest jw experiences
Peony:
Just view them as people, only on a lower level than you since you at least had the guts and intelligence to face the fact that their cult is a crock of deceitful, insidious crap. See Them for what they are, nothing more. How do I cope with them? I first try and talk TATT to them and if they show no interest I scoff at and ridicule them whenever I'm afforded the opportunity.
I like what FayeDunaway says above. One thing I've noticed is the immense shame that people feel when leaving the Borg, whether they left voluntarily or involuntarily. My brother, who I reconnected with after many years of being DF'ed, seemed to carry that shame to some degree for all of those years. I'm determined that whenever my DA finally gets announced I don't want it to impact the way I am around those people who will now shun me. My goal is to be really nice any time I see them at first and to shame them for their behavior if they refuse to interact. I'm not taking that bullcrap on myself, and I know that's a huge purpose of shunning, to make you feel lower than dirt (as if you're dead) so that you feel so ashamed you come back. Nope, not going there. I want to talk to them like I normally would and if they won't talk back I want to ask them questions like if they think they're being loving by trying to psychologically manipulate people to come back with the silent treatment. I honestly think I may have to refrain from making fun of them. I don't want to, as I don't want to be a bully myself, but I do also want to make them feel that shame, make them feel awkward like they want me to feel, make them feel rejected as they would have me feel. It's all so stupid, and I want to point it out.
I'm so sorry that it got to you like that. I've seen it before and it hurts. I think that with my family it may be harder because there was a closer relationship there that I'm more hurt by losing and I'm sure that they were hurt by my decision. But ultimately I am trying very hard to remember that I'm just being me. They are the ones treating me differently. I never did anything to them. They ARE doing something to me by shunning me. That's on them, and I don't want to take any of that on as my own. They should be ashamed of their behavior, not me.
I had a similar reaction the first time the JWs came to my door, and it had been ten years since I left. I thought I had expunged every vestige of cult mind control out of my mind, but my mind went blank, I couldn't think of a thing to say. But the next time I did better, and the time after that I gave a through reverse witness.
Gotta admit that if I found myself in your situation, I'd act like normal...........like nothing had changed. I'd FORCE them to be the assholes. (Maybe they won't be like that.) I'd figure that I never made the decision to shun THEM. I'd force them to shun me and put them in the uncomfortable position in a public place if they did so.
Doc
Peony
Don`t get your nickers in a knot over this dear , we have all been their .
It takes time , sadly , sometimes years to shake the indoctrination we have been subjected to , from our minds and emotions .
Trust me , it will get better and easier as time passes , and getting along with your own life doing what you want to do and not being a puppet of 7 imperfect men in Brooklyn .
smiddy
peony-----the PM indicator is here under the search box---to the left of my avatar. it will be green if you have a message.
