Thought I was stronger!

by Peony 33 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Magnum
    James Mixon: they have no power over me anymore and they can

    sense that

    It is true that they can sense it. You can't let them have the upper hand. You can't give them the impression that you're weak - that you really want what they have, but that you're not as strong or worthy as them. They're condescending. They think we need/want their help. They think "the brothers" could help us if we would only allow it.

    You have to keep reminding yourself that they wouldn't stand a chance against us in a debate. That's why they run from such. JWs don't even know/understand their own doctrine. The org is trying to hide its own history. JWs should be disturbed by their own history - that is, if they knew about it, but most don't. JWs live in a delusion. They are part of a group that virtually idolizes seven men (actually, more) and an organization and a website. The org' seems to be like a corporation. It has become cheap and shallow. It is cartoonish.

    The next time a situation like that arises, you can just completely ignore the JW, reminding yourself of the above. Since you DA'd, I doubt that JWs will attempt to interact with you, but if they do, be strong. You have the upper hand. DO NOT FEAR. Do not give the impression that you want/need them. If they look at you in disgust, then you can do the same to them, for you have ample reason to be disgusted with them and the org.

    JW: "Peony, would you like for us to send the elders by to see you?"

    Peony: "Oh, no thanks, I clean my own windows. Besides, JWs charge too much."

    JW: "Oh, I meant to help you spiritually."

    Peony: "Are you kidding? OMG, no. You all are the ones who need help. JWs are clueless. Please check out the website"

    The scenario immediately above is more intended for you to just think about to give you confidence, not to actually be used (unless the JW's manner calls for it). If a JW sincerely tries to help, you could show strength and in a dignified manner be reasonable and point to an issue or two that disturbs you about JWdom. Maybe you could plant some seeds. But just don't show weakness or give them the impression that they're right and you need them.

    Also, I'd like to mention that I do understand your feelings. I get disturbed when I see them, too, but because I know they're clueless, yet think something's wrong with me. That I find to be very unjust.

  • Je.suis.oisif
    peony....Hi, poor love. I've not attended a meeting since April and I peek around corners when out. I live in perpetual fear incase I meet them. A few weeks ago I wouldn't get out of the car because an elder/pioneer couple were in the same car park. My OH literally dragged me out of the passengers side saying "I'm not putting up with this". Unless you've been a part of the indoctrination, they just dont get it!
  • Giordano

    Well we exited 48 years ago and by the time we had stopped associating we were totally clear of any lingering 'truth' beliefs. However we were not shunned so for the next number of years there was family diners, visits back and forth and in the early years hard fought arguments re the rights and wrong of our getting out. This is an Italian family and there was a lot of arm waving and emotional outbursts. Even if we tried to totally ignore the JW construct it was always that 800 pound gorilla sitting in the room. Arguments got started when everyone was trying not to. It was like stepping on black ice even when you know it's there you your feet go out from under you and your sitting on your ass wondering how that happened.

    We outlived our family but the memories good and bad don't go away.

  • Peony
    Thank you all. I do agree with some of your thoughts Magnum for those hardcore witnesses but if it was me (not hardcore) and I was the witness that had ignored someone and had caused them to get upset, I would have felt terrible. I'm hoping they will go home feeling bad and realising what a cruel thing shunning is! The other positive is my Weight Class leader knows the situation and saw first hand the reaction. She is disgusted by it all and hopefully warns others to stay away from JW's.
  • The Marvster
    The Marvster

    Peony, thanks for sharing...

    It's okay to get emotional, it's okay to feel those emotions... as JW's we are taught so much to suppress emotions, if someone abuses you physically, emotionally or otherwise, 'wait on Jehovah', brothers treating you badly? 'wait on Jehovah', in deep depression? 'wait until the new system' be patient, it was so bloody hard to really express who you are deep inside.... and now you are out? emotional outbursts, this just proves you are 'human' again and are in touch with your feelings, NEVER FORGET, the damage from this org can run very deep, and I guess you know how much the JW way of life hurts people, so it's no surprise that when you bump into someone who represents the very thing that causes you so much hurt, you might react badly to it, I think it's a natural reaction. You are in a much better place because the difference between that 'witness' and yourself is that she is simply obeying 'orders' to reject another human being without questioning the ethics of that behaviour, there is no personal conscience there, just a GB injected mindset, but you are living from your heart and how you feel, hence your reaction (not cold, inhuman or harsh).... after all those years of repressing natural reactions while 'waiting on Jehovah', something's got to eventually pop...

    A year after being DF'd (I never returned to the meetings), I was on a train here in the UK, and an elder from the congregation got on and accidentally sat right opposite me before he had the chance to notice I was there. I said 'hello' thinking elders could still talk to me, hoping he would at least ask if I was ok, but he just gave me a cold long stare and didn't say anything, we were sat face to face just a few feet between us... I was totally 'stunned', and didn't know where to put my face, and then when I got off the train I was really upset. It happened again when 'I' accidentally sat opposite a witness couple from the congregation, again, just a couple of feet away, they stopped talking and put on stoney zombie-like faces, again I was totally stunned how they can just shut down so cold like that... yep, it hurt.. I guess that's the whole purpose of the shunning to 'keep' the power over you.... that power will eventually fade as you gain more self confidence...!

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    Dear Peony, you are the good person, you are the one with love in your heart for your fellow human beings. The person you describe is nothing like you and nothing like a Christian - she's a J.W.!

    Everyone here who has been a J.W. now acknowledges how blinded and compliant they were to the Org's evils. Pity people like her, but not the wolves in sheep's clothing who control such ones.

    One day she may arrive here and I'll welcome her, as truly welcome you.

    I don't pity you - I admire you greatly for who you are now, and what you have achieved. You will get stronger with each passing day and become a beacon to people like the one who upset you. You are on the right road now!

  • Peony
    I am so glad I joined this site, you are the voices of reason and have brought my strength back - thank you so much, much love x
  • ToesUp
    Hold your head up high! You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are stronger than you think. Hugs to you!
  • Sabin
    peony, I would consider myself a strong woman to have survived the things in life that I`ve gone through, & yet at the moment I have difficulty going out on my own cause of the anxiety. Don't beat yourself up, I think your brave. It`s just part of the process. Believe that it will get better. When you have been part of the Borg you are aware of how cruelly they view people who leave. They are like a pack of wolfs, any arsehole can be mean it takes courage to be kind. Be true to who you are which is obviously someone with better morals than they have.
  • talesin
    I feel like such an idiot because I know I have done nothing wrong.

    Hi, dear Peony (love that flower!),

    Oh, how well I know that feeling! It is the sinking of my heart, KNOWING I am not perfect, and it's ALL MY FAULT.

    Guess what?

    No one is perfect! And YOU are perfectly normal.

    We do NOT have any ideal to live up to. That is one of the biggest lies we are taught. You are good enough, you are strong enough, and you CAN do this ... AND ...

    Life is better on the other side, yes it is!

    Keep on keepin' on, and we shall be here to listen, and give you support when you want.


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