Feeling Pain...no one hurts my 8 yr old son

by LyinEyes 34 Replies latest jw friends

  • songmistress


    You've got my number sweetie. Hang in there.

    Love ya,


  • LyinEyes

    Once again I am overwhelmed with all of your heartfelt expressions , each and everyone of you, it means so much to have others that see my dad, that man, for what he is.

    He was not abused as a child, he was never treated wrong by me ever even when he deserved it. I did love him thru all the abuse he gave me as a child and an adult. He beat me for any little thing, as he took it as a personal rebellion agaisnt him. He let my mother suffer with depression and drug abuse and turned a blind eye, until the very last. I think he wanted her to die. He was into big business and that always came first, he still uses that as an excuse why he can see me, before being d/a. He lives 45 miles from me. When used to see him only at assemblies, my dad would put on an act of acting so sweet to them, and they would look at me and say who is that mama.

    He has wanted me out of his life, since my mom committed suicide, he was glad she did, he said he was glad he got the money to pay taxes, in so many words. He married the sister he had an affair with while mom was in rehab, and she is only 8 yrs older than me. He even swindled me out of a very large inheritence I was to get from when my mom died.I never saw a penny from her estate or the life insurance policy he had. But I have repressed memories on what and how it went down, but I have the legal paper that prove , I signed it away. He tricked me , I think by renewing the life insurance he had on me since I was a child.

    THey had a daughter that is only 2 yrs older than my little girl. I tried to be close to him , I tried to get close to the new baby, and for years as she grew. His wife has always been a bitch, but my love for my dad made me try and try and try.

    It took his last visit to know , that all of my efforts had not made a dent in his heart for me. He drove the 45 miles to my sister's workplace, she is d/a too, and told her she was dead to him. It broke her heart. He told me out away from her , that he didnt want to lose another daughter. THis was all because he wanted me to go to the assembly that weekend, and had heard we stopped going to meetings. THe only reason he even came there to talk to me, he had no intention of talking to my sister at all, but that is where he could find me,,,,,,,,,, his intention was to get us back going ,so he could get brownie points with the new C.O. and try to make elder again, He lost that privledge 18 yrs ago when questions about my moms suicide hung over his reputation. That is the one thing I think the JW did right , not letting him serve in that position again.

    Well I just wanted you all to know a little history of the monster I call father now. I hope I never have to see him again ,,I will not ever let him speak to my kids. I know this man,,,,,,,,he will not change, and he is using the organization to back him up. But he was like this before I got d/a.

    I told my son that my dad is crazy,,,,,,,he said really mama he is??? I said Chance,,,,,,,, he has to be to not care about us ,huh? I told him there are alot of families who are just not right. I told him he has lots of people who love him and today he is with his one and only Pappaw. He is very close to Wild's dad , has been since the day he was born. This child is the one who was born 2 months too early, almost died, before we could get him born, almost 5 times the 1st week, stayed in the NICU for 2 months and for three years we didnt know if he would live or die, so many times it was life and death. Chance is a happy little boy, with more spirit and heart for someone so young . I wonder if his experience of his early life which was alot of physical pain , gave him some kind of insight to him, that some kids that never were so sick have?

    Like I said, I have moved on about all of this, I have decided I don't want that monster as my dad, and I don't wont him in my kids life at all. His past treatment of us , is unforgivable. Plus he never is humble enough to admit he is wrong, What makes me sick is he is always bragging on how he built a KH or a house for someone in the congregation, or is putting Pioneer hours in, or how Jehovah is using him..........gag.

    This post is all about my son crying about why this man that doesnt live so far doesnt care to see us.

    Thanks all for listening and your words really do help me feel alot better.

    Hugs from Dede and Chance..

  • LyinEyes
  • Windchaser

    (((((((((((((((((lyin))))))))))))))))))) I am feeling pain for you. My heart goes out to you and your sweet children. I don't even want to write what I'm thinking right now about the mental and emotional abuse the society brings upon its members.

    I love you and ache with you.


  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    Thanks for taking the time to share your experiences. I hope you feel better. Were all answerable to a higher power/source. It sounds like you made up your mind, if you have, do what YOU think is best for you and the family.

    Move on with your life, set goals and do things that bring happiness and pleasure to you and the family. Yes, the hurt will be there, but you'll learn to make the necessary adjustments with time. It is truly a sad scenario. I wish you the best,again learn to let time be your friend.

    Guest 77

  • TR


    we would do fine without his love, we have at least one good pappaw .

    And that's what it boils down to. He has people that love him. You handle this very well, my dear.


  • outnfree

    ((((((((Lyin, WT and Chance))))))


    But you're handling it well, Dede -- reassurance and love from those who do love your baby boy are the right ingredients for a healing balm. (You know this, the reassurance and love from posters here make you feel better, right?)

    Sometimes keeping those who can hurt us most away in order to prevent more hurt is the only way to live a contented existence. To hell with your dad and up with your husband, father-in-law and kids!



  • BeautifulGarbage


    I'm so very sorry for your suffering growing up and the suffering that your son has to experience now. I can relate and understand how painful it can be.

    My Father and I have a very complicated history. A very long, winding, bumpy road of a relationship scattered with physical and emotional abuse, manipulation, broken promises, and devastating heartbreak. I have not had any contact with him in nearly two years. He is a JW, currently, but has never shunned me or my siblings.

    One of the last promises he broke was to my then 7 year old daughter. Unfortunately, it was made without my knowledge until afterward. After two years of not fulfilling this promise, she came to me and asked why. I had to explain to my 9 year old daughter that, unfortunately, her Grandfather makes grandiose promises that he can't keep. That, for the most part, she can't believe everything that he says. In a nutshell, Grandpa is a liar and SHE did nothing wrong.

    I know that my Father in incapable of loving me and my children. Though I know that in my head, my heart still cries at times.

    With my children, I also make them focus on those that do love them. They have my Mother and her husband (Papaw). My Mom's husband has been a wonderful grandparent to them and they adore him. And my Mom is a terrific Grandmother. Unfortunately, my husband's Dad died several years ago and his Mom now suffers from dementia. They only see her rarely because she cannot take too much stress and my kids are very active and boisterous.

    In the end, I know that I cannot control him and his behavior. I just try to provide the best home I know how for my kids. And at this point in time, they, and I, are better off without him in our lives.


    Edited by - BeautifulGarbage on 3 January 2003 18:6:13

  • happyout

    I don't know if you are still checking replies, but let me add my heartfelt thoughts to you and your son. My son is two, and I have often said if someone hurts him they better hope the police find them before I do. I would kill and do jail time to protect him. I believe, however, that he is better off without such a bitter, uncaring, and STUPID person in his life, one who turns his back on his "family" because some group of men in New York tell him to. Maybe in time your son will come to realize what love really is, and what it is not, and be grateful for the love you surrounded him with. Much love to you and your family ((((((((((Dede and children))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  • Bendrr

    Lyin, all I can say is love your son twice as much to make up for the lack of love from *that man*. And give that little guy a big hug from me (and just about everyone else here) tonight and tell him that a whole lot of people he's never even met care more about him than *that man* does.

    The Empire could care less that their teachings hurt kids like yours. The millstone of Luke 17:2 is out there, it's got a strong chain, and it's just waiting for payback time.

    Mike, who has no kids of his own but loves to spoil everyone else's and then send them home and let mommy and daddy deal with the rest.

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