Feeling Pain...no one hurts my 8 yr old son

by LyinEyes 34 Replies latest jw friends

  • LyinEyes

    I will start off saying that at first when I was trying to think of a title to this thread the only word that came to mind, was two really............sorry but I am trying to not get this edited.... I will feel bad for the words I want to say right now. F you Daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    My little 8 yr old son for some reason ,out of the blue to me........... asked me why his other pappaw doestnt love him??? OMG, I havent heard my two older children express what this little 8 yrs old said to me tonite. He asked why ...........why didn't his other pappaw , my dad, love him, what did he do to make him not love him. I am sure some of you must have heard this..... But this hit me hard

    Tonight my children went to their only pappaw, WildTurkeys dad's house for a bit. On our way home, he brought all of this out, I am not sure why. But my baby, has always had such a way of letting me know that things bother him, he even clings to me more than I think is age approriate,,,hard to explain,,, but from what I have seen of other kids his age, he feels a lot of pain. I guess he is very emotional like me.
    I tried to tell him it didnt matter that the man he calls his other pappaw, didnt love him, we would do fine without his love, we have at least one good pappaw . I told him that his daddy's mom and dad were like my real mom and dad. And that the one pappaw would give his life for him. I told him I loved this man as much as he does, and I am ok. I think it all boils down that my little son, is mad, yeah real mad, that someone that calls himself my father doesnt love me. My son loves me so much he hates the fact that this stranger who is is other pappaw doesnt love HIS mom. He, at the young age he is,, sees truth, he sees the way it really is. Even thou I cry behind closed doors , I try to protect my kids form the pain that my dad's indifference to me, really has hurt me.

    I guess my little son , did me one big favor even thou he doesnt know it....... He made me hate my dad in away that I don' t think I will cry another tear for the sorry bastard.

    My son had tears , many tears running down his cheeks, about the way my dad doesnt love HIM.

    I am a very protective mother, don't screw with my kids or I will fight you to the death.
    Well, it happend tonite, even thou my damn dad didnt even know it. He hurt the most precious thing to me,,,,,,, god damn him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This is an unforgivable sin to me. There will not be any forgiveness for this. I guess because I know he wouldnt give a damn.
    My little son,,,,,,, sees the love he gets from his only good pappaw and saw that he should have two , and that his mom doesnt have the love either.

    An 8 yr old little boy. I don't know of many things in my life that have hurt my heart so much. But what could I do but tell him I understand. He is so angry he wanted to do harm to my Dad. So do I.

    I know this is so damn dysfunctional many may not understand. But this is what being a JW has done to my family. It took away his other grandmother, and his other pappaw.

    This son was the one who had the nightmares of armeggedon, fears I am going to die like my mama did,the one who worries about everyone. I do my best to comfort him. But he knows the truth I can' t lie to him when he sees for himself the bitter truth of what this man , my dad has done.

    He came home and got on the computer and told me he wanted me to hear a song, and that it is the way he feels about his other pappaw... the one who doesnt love him,,,,,,,,,,,

    It was the Eieminim (sp) song, I'm sorry Mama....... but he said change the word mama to your daddy mama........ I have always thought of my dad when that song comes on, and Never told him that . I almost feel apart when the song came on and he told me that song was just like my daddy.

    I don't know what to say to make this right, I guess there are no words to say to make it better for my son. It makes me damn sad that an 8 yr old boy has to see such ugliness from a man who claims to be such a Christain...... a self righteous JW.

    I told my husband tonite......... if my dad ever comes 10 feet from me or my kids...... to give him the two words that came to mind..............F.$%^^ OFF!!! That is all that I can say without goint crazy on him. I know this is a real sad thing ,,,,,,, but this is what the WT , has done to families.

    Hurt the innocent. The children. If JW's are God's choosen people( I swear I know they are not) I would tell anyone I would rather burn in hell than be associated with such evil bastards.

    Okie Dokie , you all see my pain, you know my son's pain, but we will survive it.

    I just needed to be able to say this. Thanks for listening,,,,,,, there are no words you all havent told me before,,,,,, there is no comfort, there are no explainations as to why........ it just is the way it is. I have seen worse. I just wanted my kids not to see it. But they do. Maybe they will be stronger for it , in the end. Too bad tears and pain have to be the way to learn life's lessons, .. I have to say , I cursed God , if he is out there,,,,,,, tonite. I don't understand how He can see these little kids hurt , be hurt, in many ways,,,,,,,,,, and just let it go on and on....... I am glad I have a place to tell this pain too......... I know one day I will be able to tell my son more things, but right now , I only tell him what I have too, the bitter truth he already knows.

    Thank you WT for tearing my family up. And thank you WT for making my son lose his other pappaw........... They say everyone has to answer for what they do.............hummmmm what is the price the have to pay for a little boys broken heart and his tears?

  • ozziepost

    This is the great tragedy of the Watchtower's actions. It's the children that get hurt. I could say it's a form of abuse, at least emotionally.

    Of course, the Borg's leaders and its minions, the elders, will simply say that it's all the fault of the one who is DA/DF and it's something they should have thought of before they did whatever they did.

    In my view, there'll be this impasse forever more, at least for as long as the Borg exists.

    Mrs Ozzie and I sympathise greatly, Dede, for we too have had our children greatly affected by the Borg. In our case the Borg tore them away from us. Mrs ozzie and I will never forget the words of triumph from the Bethel rep whos departing words were "And don't forget, we have your kids".

    Like you, Mrs Ozzie sheds a tear each day for each child she lost. It's worse than death, for we know the children are still alive. Cruel indeed.

    We must try not to let the anguish embitter us. Hard I know, but we have to do it, otherwise the Borg has won.

    Warm regards from downunder to your family.

    Cheers, Ozzie

  • LyinEyes

    Mr. Ozzie and Mrs. Ozzie,,,,,, thank you so much...... I am kind of glad you cant see me right now, I have many tears in my eyes....... tears that just come from knowing that I do have real family , in my heart from as far away as down under. This means more to me than you will ever know.

    I plan on writing alot of this in a journal to give to my kids when they are grown,,,,, that might explain to them why they thought I was so crazy ..lol... And I really mean it when I say all of you here have pulled me out of the dark hole of JW many many times. You have done this with your expressions of understanding, unconditonal love, and shared heart break.

    Hearing your words of understanding ,,,,,,, do tame the anger in my heart right now, .. helps me put things in perspective, and the words make me stronger.

    I just wanted you to know Mr. Ozzie, you have always been one of the most tenderhearted posters on this board and I just smile thinking of you and wife, enjoying your life together. I hate that she and you cry for the lost children, I too can not imagine any worse pain. Maybe for some out there, their JW family will see the light the real truth and maybe there is hope they can make amends. I wish them hope in this, as I do you and Mrs. Ozzie. I am not a pessimist at all, but I see things for what they are,,,,,,,,,,,, even if it took me 18 yrs of trying with my dad to see it.......I guess there is always a hope things might change. But I can' t waste too much time letting it hurt me, and I wont stand for it hurting my kids any more than it already has.

    Tomorrow I intend to take my kids back to their one good and only needed,,,,,,,,,,, pappaws and just hug him tight.....I might not be able to tell him this without crying, but I love Big Joe , Pappaw , as called by me even sometimes.......and even thou I am not used to telling a father figure how much they mean to me,,,,,,, I am going to.

    Thanks Mr. Ozzie,,,,,,,,,, May life bring you and the Mrs.happiness and love.........

    All my heart...........dede

  • Francois

    You could say that it's a form of child abuse, because it IS. It is emotional/psychological abuse pure and simple.

    It is far, far past the time when this separatist, microminority cult was dead.


    P.S. - Nice new picture!

    Edited by - francois on 3 January 2003 6:14:5

  • Guest 77
    Guest 77


    It will do you good to remove the puke within your system. I'm going to relate a story that I have told before, it has to do with a golfing acquaintance who lives down the street from me, not a witness by the way. His dad was on his death bed and requested that he see his son before dying. Upon seeing his son, he 'asked' his son to forgive him for all the wrongs and abuse he inflicted on him. The son said, NO! Just thinking about, makes me cringe. Both are losers.

    I had problems with my domineering mom and I went out my way to settle it. Today she treats me like a person not someone she controls.

    I don't know your situation and I don't want to get nosy, but, have you approached this problem head on? Did the boys father experince some form of abuse in his past that he can't shed or come to terms with?

    Here's another true story. My oldest grandson who is now nineteen finally meet his father this past year. So, for 19 years he was without a father and his father NEVER came to visit him. My grandson knew who his father was. His father also a golfer asked me to approach his son for him, as he explained his circumstance and his problem, I said NO, it's his responsibility, YOU DO IT. Well, the father did take the responsibility and today he and his son are getting along very well.

    Another story is my grandaughter who is 12. Over four years ago every time she would come to visit us she would always be crying and unhappy. My wife came to find out that her mother never showed her any natural affection. What did I do? From that moment on I began to hug her and reassured her that we cared. Today, after these four or so more years we ALWAYS hug each other. Is there a change, an awesome change in her personality.

    Every circumstance is different. What may work for one may not work for another. What else can I tell without being nosy. Extract some thoughts from these three experiences and maybe you can come up with some solution. I agree the child suffers and the sooner we begin to resolve this problem the sooner everyone is content. If not, the problem will remain. You have to ALLOW time to do it's thing. Pointing fingers at this stage of the game will not solve the problem. We need solutions and then execute these solutions to the best of our circumstance and ability.

    I have six children, the oldest being thirty-nine and nine grandchildren,so,I think I know where your coming from. In the meantime, hang in there and allow time to do it's healing.

    Guest 77

  • Granny Linda
    Granny Linda

    Morning, Dede. I sincerely hope that your continual letting go of what we cannot change...and cleansing your spirit with tears has helped smooth some of the rough edges. It's the total shits what one must endure at times for sake of recovery. BUT it's a journey filled with such wonderment and self discovery that in time the pain and hurt subside. Both you and WT already have experienced the upswing to recovery and that's what we cling to in times such as you just experienced. GAWD, I detest that religion.

    When my oldest grandchild was born, my JW mom lived a few short blocks from the kids and never bothered to go see her great-grandchild. Oh, she had a little gift (how sweet), but couldn't be bothered to deliver it. This is the only grandmother to my only child. The only surviving grandmother - as I am to the grandkids. I take that as an added responsibility along side the love. Nonetheless, my mother who is 76 or 77 years of age has never seen any of my 3 grandchildren...and it's so OK. I don't want such judgemental, hateful, self-righteous, smuge, arrrogant, deluded FAMILY around those precious children. Like yourself, I'd fight the fine fight in order too protect those kids. And my son and daugher-in-law know just how I feel. Even as I write there is a sense of anger, but not like in the beginning. Unlike those who will probably never come to their senses, we have walked through the door of fear, and come out refreshed and new.

    As with my mom I decided long time ago, "Let the dead bury their dead." I'm alive and eternally grateful that my extreme mental illness, the illness ignored by JW family and elders, took me to the depths of hell where I was able to climb the ladder of success. My personal success. Damn, that makes me feel good about recovery.

    It's good that you reconize the sensativity within your son. Some of us as children did have what seemed like an over abundance of such, but I'm a firm believer in how the parent deals with such gifted children makes the difference. I always ended up in front of the elders because my mom didn't know how to deal with me. Hell, she didn't really know how to deal with life, but that's her problem today, not mine.

    Detachment; it is neither kind or unkind. It is my saving grace that's for sure. But it's not something that comes overnight either. Lots of love sent your way, Dede. I'm so glad you shared with the board. Sometimes I think not to bother coming back here, but it's stories like your's that remind me of how far I've journeyed. Gratitude remains my daily mantra.

    granny linda...who is moving to Colorado the end of month. Back to the country. Yeapy!!!!!

  • ugg

    OMG....how awful......(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( lyineyes )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  • animal


    I went thru all of this already, as each kid figured out that people had parents. My wifes parents are cool and stay involved in my kids and our lives. My mother was a single mom when I grew up and never was able to keep a guy very long, so is still single. They asked how come I didnt have a dad they could visit. I explained it. They asked why my mom doesnt visit them like moms (my wifes) mom does. This was trickier, I didnt want to sway them to disliking her like I do. Well, she took care of that herself, the few times they ever met her. They cant stand her, and dont want to be around her. Now I can comfortably explain to them why she is such a bitch. And yes, she is a pioneering 66 year old spinster.

    Your kids will also see thru it all. They are a hell of a lot more resilient than we are as adults. Let them get closer to WT's folks.


  • bittersweet

    I wish I had something to say to make you feel better.Nothing is worse than seeing your children hurt.All I can do is send some hugs your way.

    (((((((((((lyineyes))))))))))))) ((((((((((((((lyineyes little boy))))))))))))))))))

  • scootergirl



    My parents (mostly my mother) wanted to see/get to know my children. After many years of apprehension I finally agreed. I allowed A. and J. to go see them. Eyegirl was going to be with and I knew that she (eyegirl) would watch over things. Everything went well. Kids had a blast and were really excited about getting to know their grandparents. Emails and phone calls were exchanged.......a relationship was beginning to grow between granparent/grandchild (still shunning me though). This went on for a few months and then my parents just dropped out of sight. My daughter would send an email but would get no reply. One day in the car, the kids were talking amongst themselves and I heard them say to each other "well, grandma and grandpa must not like us". It broke my heart. Two innocent little kids doing their part for a relationship while two adults weren't.

    I emailed mother on Mother's Day of this last year. Kindly and respectfully mentioned how the kids felt. This to no avail. My kids still felt slighted. As a parent, the worse thing to see is your child hurt.

    You know what I realized, my children were in a sense "begging" for love and attention....the same thing I did with my parents for so long. I make no excuses for people, no lies about people...my children see people for what they are. And, unfortunately, they see that they have grandparents that are not willing to set aside time for their grandchildren.

    Things came to a big blowout when Mother finally emailed me asking if my kids could accompany them on a "family" ("family" meaning everyone else in the family MINUS me) to an all-expense paid trip to Florida. This following months of no contact with my kids. This burned my butt. Simple emails, phonecalls, or letters couldn't be sent....knowing that two children are hurting, but to think that they could walk in dangling this trip in front of their noses......that would make everything okay?! NO WAY.

    The first email I sent back was "generous offer, but no thanks." Then, instead of asking me why I felt this way, my siblings were involved in this....trying to find out "what was wrong with" me. When I found this out (which REALLY p.o'd) me, I emailed AGAIN and said "that they had not established enough of relationship with my children to take them that far for that length of time without me". Well, this was replied w/an email from Mother riddled with guilt and marytrdom......how she has tried and tried to establish a relationship only to have it shot down by me. Guess what I saw? A green light to tell her exactly how I felt. I fired back an email and then blocked her from my email. I shut the door, in a sense.

    I sat down and was open and honest with the kids. Told them about the trip and what went on between my parents and me. Funny thing is, neither one of my kids wanted to go if it meant that I couldn't go.

    Being a parent means protecting our children. Protecting my children means me keeping them far away from the dysfunctional mother that raised me.....I know how destructive her behavior can be. I've lived it and I will not let me children know how it feels.

    I gotta go hug my kids now!

    Edited by - scootergirl on 3 January 2003 8:58:52

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