i feel more confused than ever

by BlackWolf 42 Replies latest jw friends

  • StrongHaiku

    BlackWolf, a lot of ex-JWs sometimes get the anxious feeling "what if they're right?" (basically Pascal's wager). You may experience that at times but the more you read and study (as you are doing) the better you will feel.

    For what is worth, here is how I deal with it - I DON"T CARE IF THEY ARE RIGHT. The God of the Bible they represent and their Organization is immoral. I'm better than their God (and "his Organization"). And, if he is exists, I'm good with the idea of dying knowing I had the moral high-ground.

  • naazira

    Your parents will probably have the elders meet with you. The reason I cautioned you to lay low in your other post was so that you could get your head together, and emotional strength. Now you risk meeting with elders who will be looking to see if you are a threat to the congregation. Hopefully, your parents will not mention what you said to them. If they do, you'll definitely be on the brothers' radar.

    Please consider the comments that the members here have written on your posts. Many here have lost their families to this religion. Today you can have your family, and tomorrow you could lose them. They will remain faithful to Jehovah's organisation- with or without you!

    Keep posting here and best wishes.

  • Vidiot

    BlackWolf - "...I the more I read the Bible the more ridiculous it sounds to me."

    Objectivity is pure poison for Biblical literalism.

  • umbertoecho


    Ditto to that response. Gently gently disengage.......

  • StarTrekAngel
    Blackwolf, don't forget your parents are just as much of a victim of this cult as you were. Have some pitty for them. Even if you don't believe, take the objective stand and act from the perspective of someone who would, then you can slowly attempt to prove them that even then they are taking the wrong approach. Is true, you need evidence to believe in God and even the bible shows that. Don't tell them that so directly. See their answers, the think the evidence is all around them. Do some reading, take them to the bible and show them that the "type" of evidence required is not the same. Show them that almost every character in the bible has at some point demanded proof from God. I don't have much more time to type now but if you want some pointers, PM me. There is plenty of evidence in the bible that there is nothing wrong with demanding that God shows himself for what he supposedly is. There is evidence that in fact, with more digging off course, that no only God wants you to test him but that he does indeed test his followers to see if they themselves are worthy of trust from God.
  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot


    "Blackwolf Do please watch this great allegory about God/Hank, someone posted it on here recently for newbies and it's revelatory...

    "Hi, If anyone knows to post youtube vids on here can they let me know please, unless its above and not just the link in which case I've done it๐Ÿ˜ƒ"

    Just go straight to the video on youtube and right click on the video. Right click on: "Copy video URL". You posted the mini-url, you need the full URL.


  • C0ntr013r

    I don't think everyone here understood that you are not baptized. Since your not, your parents will probably not do anything to drastic just because you have doubts. They will just try to convince you that their religion is right.

    If they involve the elders, they cant really do anything since you have no "contract" with the organisation.. But, depending on what you tell them they might mark you as bad association and that can be very lonely for you, so be careful.

    Jehovah's witnesses believes in religious freedom until your baptized. So you can discuss things with your parents but make sure that you are taking a questioning approach; I don't understand this, how can that be the case? etc. And don't refer to "Apostate sites" on the internet, they will think that you have been poisoned by apostate thinking and that can damage your relationship with them.

    Also, when it comes to what to believe, Only you can figure that out. A lot of people here don't believe in God and they will argue for that position.

    You will have to study this topic on your own to come up with your own conclusions. Before, you have had other people tell you what to believe, don't make that mistake again. Research what to believe yourself, don't take anyone else's word for it.

  • YinzerDad

    Longtime reader, first time poster...


    You're getting some pretty sound advice here. Being that you aren't baptized, you have the upside of not being disfellowship. You have the downside of your parents dragging Elders into it and potentially "advising" you into studying for Baptism. At least that's the route my parents (specifically my mother) took when, one Tuesday evening before the weekly bible study I informed my mother (dad wasn't home from work yet) that I no longer wanted to go to meetings. Ever.

    Her response? "DON'T YOU LOVE JEHOVAH YOUR CREATOR ANY MORE?! HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL?" <insert tears and hysterics> (her, not me).

    So I begrudgingly relented and went. (What her feelings had to do with it, I'll never know. But she's crazy and i wanted her to shut up.) That night, after dad got home, he said "Your mother told me what you said. You know our relationship with God is important. And if you want our relationship as father and son to remain strong, you need to keep a relationship with God."

    That hurt. It also made me angry. I kept my mouth shut.

    A week later one of the younger elders approached me after the Sunday meeting and said " I hear you're interested in studying for baptism?" Um? I am? Little did I realize until later that my mother was enlisting the full power and might of His loving organization to manipulate me. Fortunately, I did have the good sense to passively resist. (Thanks Ghandi). Went through the study and coaxed out of him that if I got baptized, i could only then be disfellowshiped. Otherwise i wasnt truly a Jehovah's Witness. Not a smart thing to tell an aspiring lawyer. I saw my opening and took it. After the study finished, I agreed with the elder that I would think about baptism.

    Fast forward 16 years. I've been through college, law school am happily married with a child and... am not a Jehovah's Witness and don't attend the Kingdom Hall. And I never will again. I last went before I moved out from home and went to college.

    My point in telling you this is (1) you aren't alone, (2) Don't underestimate the Orgs ability to undermine your closest relationships to other Dubs and, (3) passive, constant resistance works. Im not saying go full-on dead weight. But I am saying you make a decision and set a goal in your mind's eye and don't lose sight of it. Then, do something between floating along and treading water until you get your chance to split. It works so well and can frustrate dyed in the wool Dubs so much... that it will push them to a breaking point. And once that happens, you win. Because at that point, they've lost control. I did it for two years and avoided baptism by passively attending meetings and conventions... and silently plotting my life while the brothers and sister drone on and on and on....

    You've got three years until you need to move from their legal protection. Bide your time and pick your battles. And whatever you do, don't get baptized. It's a contract you have no business entering into and is literally the point of no return.

    Good luck and please keep us updated.

  • Giordano
    YinzerDad A great first post for Blackdog. Welcome to the forum!
  • SecretSlaveClass


    Welcome and great post! If anyone's situation parallels Black Wolf's it's yours. Hopefully Black Wolf will take it to heart and employ your successful strategy.

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