i feel more confused than ever
Well I know I've been posting a lot of topics like this lately and I'm sorry if I sound whiny or annoying. My parents were asking me why I was so upset lately and I ended up just telling them the whole truth. I told them I don't believe in god or the bible because I don't have any evidence of anything. Of course they told me " but the evidence is all around us". I asked them about all of the child abuse cases and they said " where all imperfect humans". I told them I didn't like feeling controlled and they told me "where not controlled we chose this" and that I sound like an apostate!! I feel like crap now and more afraid and confused than ever. I don't know what to do. I could live my whole life being a jw even though I hate it and possibly live forever or I could live my life doing what I love and possibly be killed at armeggedon. What should I do?? Should I believe what parents say or what the so called "apostates" think? All of my old fears are returning and I feel so doomed :(
I don't know what to do. I could live my whole life being a jw even though I hate it and possibly live forever or I could live my life doing what I love and possibly be killed at armeggedon. What should I do?? Should I believe what parents say or what the so called "apostates" think? All of my old fears are returning and I feel so doomed
Don't do anything, what's the hurry? And don't be confrontational with your parents, why add wood to the fire? Keep quite and under the radar while you do research and sort things out. It will take a while. Took me almost two years to sort everything out.
If I recall correctly, you are 16 years old.
Advice on a prior thread encouraged you to lay low, say nothing to your family about your doubts, and start looking at ways to get a college education and begin making friends outside of the organization.
I still think that is sound advice for any one, especially a teenager and young adult.
Too much time on this or ANY discussion board, is not healthy for anyone. Especially a teenager still living with JW parents.
Sorry for curt response. I am on my way out but wanted to chime in here.
I truly wish you the best - as I try to heed my own advice. (Seriously, I need to take breaks from here or I, too, start feeling too much negativity. And I'm old enough to be your mother.)
-Aude Sapere (meaning: Dare to Know; Dare to Have Widsom/Understanding; Dare to Think for Yourself)
PS: Armageddon is NOT coming. Get an education and a satisfying career. Start saving now for moving out. When you move out, start saving for retirement. I'm serious.
Thank you :)
Don't believe something just because someone else believes it.
Study things out yourself.
Take your time.
You don't have to figure everything out today.
One thing my parents say that confuses me is that Jehovah allows us to suffer to prove that humans can't rule themselves? I said that if god was really all powerful and loving he wouldn't of let Satan tempt eve with that stupid tree in the first place!!
Plenty of sound advice. But the main thing in this thread or previous ones, no one is telling you what to believe. Do your own research. Don't be scared about Armageddon. According to the Bible and many interpreters that was supposed to happen almost 2000 years ago. Hundreds, if not thousands of religious leaders have predicted Armageddon in every century since Jesus, actually before Jesus lived. Not gonna happen, at least for a long time, and if it does, it may not be due to divine intervention, more like a human made disaster or a natural disaster.
"...I could live my life doing what I love and possibly be killed at armeggedon."
BlackWolf, If you don't believe in God or the Bible then why should you fear Armageddon? It's not going to happen.
It sounds like you need to express yourself desperately but your parents and sisters are not people you can talk to. Tell your parents to get you a doctor. That will make them believe that you are just going through a phase and hopefully not apostate.
Hoping that a snippet of my personal experience helps you realize, that yes, you can do this! You have lots of support here, and will find some in RL (real life) as well.
I was 18 when I had the same experience, and my mother immediately told me I had to leave at the end of the month. Mind you, six months earlier, my friend had suicided (gay pioneer), and I had been gravely ill for about six months. Thanks, Mom! (haha) I had a grade X education, and was quite frail. But, I did it! Got a job and an apartment by the end of the month. So, moving on ...
After about 7 years of those feelings of doom and guilt, I realized that I could not believe in this so-called "God of Love". The straw that broke the camel's back, was a 'shepherding call' by two elders (one was my father, and the guilt trip was heavy, but enough of that).
Know that by that time, I was married, had gotten my GED and working at Exxon, going to university part-time, with a new home and car, and a social life, had the world by the tail!
So, I said my last prayer to him (well, actually "it", being a fairy-tale entity as all gods are), and it was short. Maybe this will help you. "Dear Jah, you know I am a sincere person and speak with good intent. I cannot believe in these people and what they say. They are hypocrites. If I am wrong, then all I ask is a swift death when you destroy the rest of the World. I will always be a good and honest person, but I can no longer believe in YOU.. In Jesus' Christ name, Amen."
I put it behind me, and never felt guilty again, for living *my* life, for choosing to *not* believe, for being ME.
It's okay, you can do this. You came to the right place for support. I have never regretted my choice to leave the cult.
Edit: I *always* forget something - if you are in school, you may want to talk to a guidance counsellor, or a teacher that you really like. When I was in junior hs (grd 7-9), I had two teachers who really tried to help me. Back then, there wasn't much they could do to stop abuse, but they *did* succeed in crushing my parents and the JWS' attempt to censor the assigned reading list, which included A Clockwork Orange by Sir Anthony Burgess - a great book! But nowadays, you may find a really supportive person to talk to, and your parents need never know! : ))
I tell people I have one belief "reality" and only I can be the judge of what that means. Without getting into semantics of God and religions.
Of course here I can my reality says therea no jehovah and jws are a cult. But all they need to know is you vase your beliefs on what you can determine is reality. Discussing details with them will just make them barrage you with thought stopping comments and fear obligation and guilt. Lay low. Be strong