I am confused......Any opinions???

by nita6368 44 Replies latest social family

  • nita6368

    OK...here is a little background. My boys are all honor roll students.My oldest son is a governors scholar and both he and my thirteen year old are in the gifted and talented program at school.My 8 year old is doing well in school with 6 a's and 1 b on his last report card. My boys go to bed at 9:00 on school nights even my 16 year old.My 2 younger kids play baseball and my oldest plays football.My kids are not nasty, not rebelling they were raised as witness children and the oldest 2 gave talks at the hall.

    As far as my last marriage of ten years. I was married to a dub. He committed adultery 5 times in the 10 years we were married. He was publicly reproved and disfellowshipped twice. I put up with the crap for ten years.Then I left him and divorced, he is now married to his last girlfriend.He paid $50/week support and we struggled. I work full time and have a good job but boys can be expensive. But I did it, I was not on welfare. I took up his slack. I was on my own with my boys for 3 years. I got my self financially stable had a nice home , provided a nice life for my boys.

    Now here we are in this marriage, you say I am worried about money. My children are my fianancial responsibility. My husbands childsupport is garnished from his paycheck so his child is taken care of whether he works one day or all week. Why is his support garnished? Because he did not pay, he shirked the responsibility of his childsupport, this all took place before I came into the picture. Since we have been together he has repaid $6,000.00 back.His house was in foreclosure when we married and they came to our house to repo the truck.He assured me he had just had some financial troubles and it would get better.Guess what we got a foreclosure letter in the mail day before yesterday. Seems the house payment he was making got used for other things. In the last year he has increased our monthly debt by $1000.00 on loans that do not have my name on them but have been cosigned by his father but guess what as his wife I am still responsible.He doesn't even bring home $1,000/month.

    Some of my other posts had more history to my past and some posters here know more about my situation. There has been more than just words to my children from him. Do you have children? It seems easy for you to talk negatively about them...I am assuming you are speaking from experience?

    Edited by - nita6368 on 8 January 2003 10:49:14

    Edited by - nita6368 on 8 January 2003 10:50:8

  • Brummie
    It never ceases to amaze me how people are always so willing and quick to play amateur psychologist.

    And it seems you are top of the list Hekate!

    Your post may have had a few good thoughts but are certainly nothing more than amateur. How amatuer is it to kick someone when they are down? How amateur is it to assume that, as a new poster here, you had more insight into the problem that anyone else here did? How do you know things havent been shared before and you missed em?

    nita6368 you are a very beautiful person and should not feel so unsure of your decisions, however we all do mistrust our own thoughts sometimes and seek advice from friends. You did the right thing in starting this thread. Most of us have leared a lot from our freinds, more so than we will ever learn from a know-it-all psychologist!

    1. You are focussed MONEY You make the statement often that you earn way more than him. Proud to earn 3 times as much as him. Maybe he has a problem with money, but maybe you do too.

    Geeesh, perhaps she is looking for reasons as to why he is the way he is? He is not showing love so why is he sticking around? Is it wrong for the mind to seek answer and come up with the conclusion that MONEY might just be the reason he's sticking around? could be money couldnt it? After all he is getting a cosy little number here.

    2. You are focussed on what this nasty man says to your precious boys

    Hekatel when a woman is not shown love by her husband she will inadvertedly turn the love she has to give to her children...is there anything wrong with that? Whats your problem?

    Welcome aboard Hekatel, glad you have a strong mind and a strong opinion, so do many others here.


  • Valis
    It never ceases to amaze me how people are always so willing and quick to play amateur psychologist.

    We all try to be friends and help each other here. Maybe something you aren't used to because you come off like an ass?

    1. Because they have nothing better to do?

    What could be better than offering advice when asked?

    2. Because they love meddling in other peoples affairs?

    You can't meddle when you've been invited dipstick..

    3. They love hearing their own voice (or seeing their posts)?


    4. They think their opinion is so worthy they put it on other people?

    If no one shared an opinion the point of this DB would be moot.

    5. Have grandeous ideas of becoming a psychologist without the hard work to go with it?

    Methinks you have the grandiose opinion of your own words without the forethought that goes into posting something even halfway nice.

    6. They have had or are in a relationship that hasn't/doesn't work, so every other relationship that doesn't work must automatically be catalogued along with theirs?

    Where do you get this from? Please provide examples.

    Why do so many ask for advice or opinions from people who are really not in any position to give advice or opinions.

    I think you're making some pretty big generalizations about the people who post here...BTW since when do you have to be "in a position" to proffer an opinion? Perhaps if we were all Elders, Governing Body members, or Pioneers our opinions would count? Gimme a break..

    Is it because if you did finally make your decision and stay/leave you wouldn't have to take full responsibility on yourself?

    She has to take responsibility for her actions regardless of what anyone here says to her. Maybe you have experience doing the exact same thing? That's the only way I could see that you are "in a postion" to make such a comment.

    Just look at the posts to see how many of these people give advice, when they can't/couldn't make their own relationship work.

    Dude, do you think everyone marries once and its all pie in the sky? Please tell me what's wrong with hearing from others and gleaning bits of useful life experience ? Or is it you don't or never have done this and live in some unknown "Paradise on Earth" where nothing goes wrong and if it does you have all the answers and have no use for the advice or experience of others?

    What chance has anyone elses relationship got of working following this kind of advice?

    Show me where any of the users who posted to this thread gave her "bad advice"..

    BTW, if you don't like all the exchange of opinion and advice here then don't let the door hit you in the ass!


    District Overbeer

  • nita6368

    (((Brummie))) Thanks for your kind words!

    Oh my goodness I have actually had the District Overbeer post on one of my threads Thanks Valis!

  • Witch Child
    Witch Child


    Gods, Sweetie, don't let Hekate get to you. Psychologists have their uses and can be a great help but one does not need a degree of any kind to be asked to give advice. (unless it is a degree of commonsense and kindness) You asked for a little input, lots of folks gave their 2 cents, you'll do what you think is best for you and your boys.

    I really just love the accusitory, hackles-up posture Hekate took. Hillarious! Like. oh yeah, let us consider the trials and tribulations of poor mister man in having his wife bail his sorry butt out of debt that HE HID FROM HER TILL AFTER THE WEDDING... and poor fella! Now his wife supports him while he snipes at the kids he knew in advance were part and parcel of the deal. Grown-ups taking children's misbehavior personally and using it as an excuse to belittle them is pitiful.

    laughing at those with huge chips on their shoulders

    (Oh, and my current 5 year+ relationship goes smooth and sweet. As compared to my 6 year marriage to a jw that tanked on the wedding day and never recovered.)

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