Three day convention
Tips to survive this? Or should a feign an illness?
Stay home saying you have to watch the Australian Royal Commission's hearings regarding JW child sexual abuse on You Tube!
If you're sitting on the floor, sit as close to the front row as you can. If in the bleachers, go to the top. This is for maximum impact.
Eat gas-inducing food and fart really loud. Laugh every time. The laughter will become contagious and disruptive to the program. First the kids will giggle because they can't resist a good poo joke. Then it will be the teenagers, then everyone will just start laughing.
If you can't produce a fart at least 4x per hour naturally, I'd suggest getting some apparatus from a practical joke store to simulate them.
Do this for a few hours, then start faking cramps. Squirm around in your seat, holding your belly and groaning. Get louder and louder.
This should all climax by you jumping up and running out of there really fast, groaning, "oh noooooooo". Keep running past the bathroom and straight to your car.
This should be 100% effective.
I assume you are young and have to go with family? I missed a 3 day convention in my 20s (in a period when i hated being a witless and wanted out) by choosing to drive myself there instead of going on the bus or with friend or family.
That's what i told my family, i never went. when quizzed over why they never saw me for 3 days I asked them where they were sitting and I just told them i was over the other side of the stadium (8 - 10,000 were there).
Otherwise just fake an illness, or just say you are not going at all or that you will go 1 day only and choose the least offensive one to deal with.
If you are under 18 and living at home then you probably will have to go and just make do with a book to read or something to do while there. Make up your mind though that soon you wont be doing this any more and life will get better.
Imagine the logistics involved in surviving one of those old 7-day international assemblies. Consider yourself fortunate, BASHFUL.
And they finished at nine at night.
If you do not have to go because of family that live in your home, then simply do not go.
Before Mrs Phizzy and I woke up, we blew out the D.C (now R.C) , family and friends just assumed that we went.
I would have made an excuse in those days if questioned about our absence, but nobody asked.
feign illness a stomach upset is a good out. Or attend the first day and when you get home say you have a headache and need to go to bed early. In the morning complain the headache is still there and you feel dizzy so need to go back to bed.
Feigning illness can be complicated because you have to remain ill when they are home and that can be limiting depending on what you pick you have to decline food or be in bed a lot as if you seem to be improving they may expect you to go.
If you do attend complain that you have pulled a muscle in your back so need to go for a walk as the chairs make it worse. say you will listen to the program on you phone/radio. You can listen to whatever you like.
If your stuck their with no ride, who could say you can't sit any longer on those wretched chairs, get up walk down hallway to outside keep going to nearest Starbucks.
My favorite quote from yesterdays RC "Flee from the world controlled by Jehovah's enemy Satan who takes in good people and uses them until them they're of no more use then discards them." They betray themselves.