Taming of a Beast (Long post)

by animal 49 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  jst2laws

  Damn,

  I finally got to read this through. I am going to print this and put in a special file. I have a few people in mind to give copies to. You are still with your wife.

  Damn,

  I break down in tears, still reading. Holy shit, what a pussy! But I cant stop, and manage to finish the letter. I look up, and the counselor and the 2 girls are crying too. This is going be a long week.

  Damn,

  We had all kinds, from child abuse to sex addicts, to cutters, to abusers. What the hell was I there for, I was just a drunk!

  Damn,

  we were told is that, if we were successful in our changes in life, chances were that we may lose our spouses. What attracted your spouse in the first place may now be gone forever, and we had to be ready for this. Yikes!

  Damn, You made it through it all.

  Jst2laws
• 

  animal

  Elderrepents... that was barely the story of my life... just a tiny piece of it. I went and did that survey too.... thanks, it was good.

  Jst2 ... yep, I lived thru it all. Writing and posting this made me want to post more, in the near future.

  For the rest of you.... the link where I found the questions about codependency is here:

  http://www.recovery-man.com/coda/codependency.htm

  Animal
• 

  Gizmo

  Codependence vs. Interdependence

  By Robert Burney M.A.

  "In order to stop giving our power away, to stop reacting out of our inner children, to stop setting ourselves up to be victims, so that we can start learning to trust and Love ourselves, we need to begin to practice discernment. Discernment is having the eyes to see, and the ears to hear - and the ability to feel the emotional energy that is Truth.

  We cannot become clear on what we are seeing or hearing if we are reacting to emotional wounds that we have not been willing/able to feel and subconscious attitudes that we have not been willing/able to look at. We cannot learn to trust ourselves as long as we are still setting ourselves up to be victimized by untrustworthy people." ***

  "Not only were we taught to be victims of people, places, and things, we were taught to be victims of ourselves, of our own humanity. We were taught to take our ego-strength, our self-definition from external manifestations of our being. . . Looks, talent, intelligence external manifestations of our being are gifts to be celebrated. They are temporary gifts. They are not our total being. They do not define us or dictate if we have worth. We were taught to do it backwards. To take our self-definition and self-worth from temporary illusions outside of, or external to our beings. It does not work. It is dysfunctional."

  Good huh?
• 

  ugg

  oh animal......what you wrote was beyond outstanding.....thank you so very very much for opening up.....i am in therapy also....i want to become a whole person some day....

  i am so proud of you for "making it" maybe some day i will graduate like you....((((((((animal)))))))))

  ps...HAPPY HAPPY ANIVERSARY!!!!!!!! 20 YEARS!!!!!!! WOW....that is big time stuff...
• 

  Jesika

  Animal,

  All I can say is I was forcing myself not to cry while reading this. After reading your story I think I have to take a closer look at myself. I will email you so I can talk with you about this. I am still trying to hold back the tears.

  Jes

  Ps Happy Anniversary!!!!!!
• 

  animal

  Inner child....

  Mine was 12, and was part of the eye-opener. The "inner child" is basically the point that you stopped growing emotionally. The way we found it is for another post, most likely. Needless to say, when I found this out, I saw why I acted like a damned kid all the time.... I was one, mentally.

  Jesika, I will email you tonite after work. Ugg, my little sis, email me.

  Animal
• 

  teejay

  Animal,
  
  A most excellent account of what has most likely been an interesting life. It is difficult for people to ever really impress me, but that's exactly what you did here, Bro. I could comment on a lot of what you shared, but because of what it means to me personally, I like this part the best:
  
  I read the hate filled one first, seeing the girls shrink back from me when the threats are made. Then I read the one to my real dad. Let me tell you, I didnt even get thru the first paragraph before breaks in my voice showed up. I maintain, or try to, but eventually I break down in tears, still reading. Holy shit, what a pussy! But I cant stop, and manage to finish the letter. I look up, and the counselor and the 2 girls are crying too. This is going be a long week.
  
  After each letter was read, the counselor tore it into pieces. Once we were all done, he burned the papers in a trash can. No one would ever see what we wrote. The exercise was explained to be one that we should do anytime we are upset with someone. Write them our deepest feelings, letting it all out. Then destroy the letter.
  
  Reading this has reinforced at least three things for me:
  
  1. It's wrong to make judgments of people based on their appearance.
  
  2. You never know what someone is like or what they've gone through or what kind of person they are until you sit down and talk to them.
  
  3. There is a lot of good in a lot of the people posting on here.
  
  
  p.s. Thanks for the chat the other night. I've never been much of a chatroom fan, but you may have changed my mind about that.
• 

  xjw_b12

  teejay I miss Animal's posts here, but have seen his name pop in chat once or twice. Always struck me as a real down to earth no bullshit kinda guy. CJ and I were disappointed to have missed our opportunity to meet him and the others in Green Bay this summer.

  Thanks for resurrecting that post. I must have missed that one and am glad to have had the opportunity to read it now.

  You wrote:

  1. It's wrong to make judgments of people based on their appearance.
  
  2. You never know what someone is like or what they've gone through or what kind of person they are until you sit down and talk to them.
  
  3. There is a lot of good in a lot of the people posting on here.

  I'd like to add 1 more:

  It's wrong to make judgements of people here based on their reply to topics.

  I have been guilty of that. But then you read a poster's bio, or they start a thread that reveals a whole lot more about them, then you can ever have imagined.

  Yes there is a lot of good people posting here, and a lot who used to post, but have moved on, but their words stay with us!
• 

  Euphemism

  I truly admire those who've faced down their own issues and experienced emotional healing. Thanks a lot for posting that, animal.
• 

  Piph

  Thanks a million for posting that, Animal. I was forcing myself not to cry too (I'm in the office).

  I've been working on my own healing for over 4 years and it keeps going on...I'm wondering when it's ever going to end. It is so encouraging to read your experience, that you delved in and got through it and are through it. Thank you so much.