Can You Really Become Inactive Instead of DA'ing and Keep Your Family

by truth-or-consequences 37 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • paradisebeauty

    Since this year's commemoration I've been to perhaps 2 meetings.

    But even before, I was skipping more and more during the last year or so. Sometimes I was going to one meeting in a month.

    They gave me 2 assignments in school, but 2 weeks before the assignment I told them I can not make it.

    I've only been contacted by the elder to whom I was suppose to give the preaching report.

    And I only have contact with one person from the organization, a friend to whom I also told my concerns.

  • paradisebeauty
    there is high pressure to unofficially shun faders who are known to live a lifestyle that doesn't comply with JW rules.

    I'd say they also shun faders who don't do anything that doesn't comply with jw rules.

    I am not disfellowshiped but shunned, though the only thing I do different of them is researching the Bible out of more sources of information.

  • fukitol

    Yeah of course it's possible, if you're prepared to tell a few white lies, tickle their ears a bit (ie, play them at their own game).

    All that's required is to tell the nosey nutjob prying JW mullah spiritual policeman (aka elders) that you love Jehovah and want to serve him to your best ability, but that lately you're suffering from some depression, discouragement and ennui but praying hard, reading your Bible and publications daily, and will be making a big come-back very soon.

    Then when they leave, secretly give them the big finger as they walk away and get back to being a normal human being instead of a brainwashed religious weirdo.

  • SecretSlaveClass

    I know JW's who haven't come near a Kingdom Hall or picked up a WBTS publication in years. Some of them moved away to different congregations and simply stopped attending, others didn't move away but simply stopped too. As far as I know only a couple of them ever got Df'd.

    The ones who got away with it though were either single or had spouses who felt the same way. It seems having a devouted significant other makes fading a lot more difficult.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    Thankfully, we are to all intents and purposes shunned by 95% of our congregation because we miss meetings and never go out in field service. Suits us!!

    J.W.'s are "counselled" [ordered] to associate with "spiritually strong ones" in the congregation, not weak ones, but out of the other side of mouth, the Org tells J.W.'s to "show love for one another and assist those who are weak." No wonder J.W.'s brains are mush and they can't use their own reasoning, because the Org indoctrinates them with contradictory "teachings" which can be used for whatever situation suits their purpose at any given time.

    Fading demands total silence regarding personal views, hence the reason for the 2 Golden Rules -

  • OnTheWayOut

    I am in harmony with Witness My Fury on page 1: ....all my JW "friends" dropped me. BUT, here's the but, if i do anything not approved by watchtower even now i can be disfellowshipped still and then lose my family.

    A dangerous mind-control cult doesn't just let you walk away. You have to be quiet about your disagreements with the Watchtower and you cannot be open about breaking the rules concerning birthdays, holidays, any activity that is against the rules.

    I am a huge fan of fading/becoming inactive. But it's not the magic answer to everything.

  • WingCommander
    Cults shoot their wounded. Plain and simple. There is NO honourable way out of a Cult. Period. Their ultra-controlling and punishing methods of "Love" will not allow for it.
  • SecretSlaveClass

    Let me clarify my previous posting.

    I also agree with Witness My Fury. Because you have successfully faded this by no means dismisses the authority the Org will enforce if you are caught enjoying "worldly" pursuits. You will need to still exercise extreme caution if disfellowshipping poses a serious social problem for you. Those whom I know of who have successfully faded have no desire to involve themselves in the seriously taboo interests of the "worldly" as laid out by the Org edicts, besides zero attendance in years their only other behavior contradicting JW policy are secular education and accumulation of material wealth.

  • EdenOne

    I concur with WitnessMyFury and OTWO ... you CAN fade, but expect to be shunned anyway. Perhaps part of your family still "in" will keep on speaking terms with you, one or another may exceptionally keep some association with you, but for the most part, those loving brothers and friends will discreetly shun you. The difference between you and a DF or DA is that normally they won't overtly avoid contact with you if you happen to meet casually. They will be polite, even say they miss you at the meetings, but the conversation will be kept short because, as an inactive Witness, you're no longer considered a "good association".

    Unless you physically move out of your territory, you won't ever really leave the radar of your congregation elders, and if you're caught doing anything forbidden to a JW, you'll be swiftly denounced and DF'd (even without you being present at your JC) and the elders will wash their hands off responsibility over you.

    As WingCommander said, there's no way a cult will let anyone leave honorably.


  • cha ching
    cha ching
    I am not DF'd or DA'd, but do not go to meetings, or anything JW..... I am basically "left alone." My mom won't give me her cell phone #, my sisters don't call me or e-mail me (though they did not do that much ANYway... I was always the 'caller'.)

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