Tonight's memorial - did you go?

by dmouse 46 Replies latest jw friends

  • bluesapphire

    Good for you! I hope your wife comes around soon. It took me a year or so for my husband and this is our second year in a row WE don't go to the memorial.

    I'm still working on my sister (the one I sucked in when I went in) to come to her senses. Today she called and said, "I just wanted to LET YOU KNOW that tonight is the memorial. I thought YOU SHOULD KNOW." I said, "Thank's. I have to get off the phone now. I don't feel well." Every time she talks about the borg, I cut her off and say I can't talk. That's because she wont let me even share a scripture with her in case the demons possess her the way they possessed me, yet she feels I should listen to her.

    Funny thing is that if she had been sweet and said, "I miss you and I wish you would come to the memorial with me." I would have been tempted. Just so I could have her back in my life. But she acted all self-righteous and so she got jacked.

    How sad this all is.

  • bluesapphire

    I was wondering for those of you who stated you didn't want your children to go but spouses/exes forced it upon you.

    I don't think they can do that. If the memorial lands on an evening in which YOU have the custody (i.e., not a visitation night), there is nothing they can do legally. They can't force religion on YOUR custody rights.

    Now if it happens to land on an evening where THEY have the custody, then you have to bite the bullet.

    My own head-strong opinion is that they can stick it! I would not let my girls go with my husband (if he wanted to take them) no matter what! Much less my mother-in-law or even parents or siblings. I would make them all have to stick it! It's a slap in the face to the Watchtower Society to SHUN the bogus memorial. What's more, I would straight out tell them WHY. I'd love to see the look on my MATRIARCH (loved that one) mother-in-law when she realizes she can't CONTROL the future of MY children!

    Sorry if I offended anyone. It's just my opinion.

  • dmouse

    "Hugs" to all.
    It was great reading all your responses. Sitting here, all alone with my thoughts, while my wife sits with her 'friends' at the memorial.
    It was good to know that I was not really alone and that good people all over the world were having a similar experience. If only JWs knew what they put us through! I have spent weeks agonising over my decision not to go - if it wasn't for my wife and family there would be no issue of course, it would be adios amigos to all that JW bull!
    They probably think we make up our minds on the spur of the moment. If they bothered to talk to us about what we feel they would find out - but no, my wife absolutely refuses to talk about it, even though I always manage to keep calm, rational and kind. Do you remember seeing the pictures in the mags (often repeated) where a JW woman is holding a bible and attempting to reason with her husband, who is turning away in anger? What a laugh!!!! It's usually the other way round!
    Again, my love to all and thanks for being there on this difficult night.

  • CornerStone

    Hello All,

    Man! This is so hard for those with connections to the "collective". Some decided to go, (me) , others have not. More POWER to all who act out of their conscience! Family ties and friends make it so hard to put this org behind us. But I suppose in this world we don't just battle for food and shelter, but for our very souls. Stay strong everyone.


  • thinkers wife
    thinkers wife

    It really helped me to read all of these posts. Sometimes when you are all alone with your thoughts it is easy to forget others are facing the same feelings and emotions.
    My father told me when the Memorial was earlier this week. He said "Do you know when the Memorial is?" I said, no. He said it is April 8, I don't know the time in your area. I said, ok dad I'm writing it down. And I did.
    Then yesterday two witnesses (who do not know I am Da'ed and I don't feel obligated to tell) stopped by and gave me an invitation. Thinker was a little put out because it was like he wasn't included in the invitation. He asked if unbelievers weren't allowed to attend. I told him that most JW women are uncomfortable talking directly to men and that assuredly they meant the invitation for him as well.
    It was a little disturbing to me all week from the time Dad invited me.
    I even had a little nagging feeling that we should go. Opted out though. Survived the evening. Thinker and I had our own celebration. Much more spiritual. I don't know that I could have sat through it and listened to it. Weird after attending approximately 38 Memorials, and now having no desire to hear the talk I could give.

  • outnfree

    I was blessed to STAY HOME (I also DA'd myself - recently) and have NINE partake of the emblems at a celebration with two other ex-JW's and our children and a "significant other".
    We were amazed! The occasion was JOYFUL! I raised my hands in the air as if to say "All RIGHT!" when I could hear ALL of us crunching the matzoh. Contrasting that to the deafening silence I would have heard at the local Kingdom Hall at their joyless, boring "special occasion" where the friends who have ignored you for months (years?) all flock to greet you with an insincere, "How ARE you? We've MISSED you?".

    So, ExPatBrit, I'm feeling really guilty, because you endured yet another one, partly at my urging because of your long-term goal to 'fade away'

    Thirdson, What a WONDERFUL idea! REAL love in action! How very ...

    Michelle, Es,
    As hard as it was for you to let your children go (once you made the break) was as hard as it was for me once upon a time to have my husband refuse to let them go. I was so CRUSHED not to have my children by my side at what I felt was a "command appearance" -- commanded by God's Son.
    Hard to empathize now that the scales have fallen from your eyes and you realize just how dangerous the cult can be, but the Matriarch is still blinded and REALLY, SINCERELY feels she is looking out for her children and grandchildren's best interest.
    Thank goodness another occasion is now history!

    To all,
    Aren't we just BLESSED to have the caring and support of one another!

    I was so tempted to do as joelbear suggested and sit in my car at the exit to the KH parking lot last night with "Happy Ex-JW. Visit" but censored myself just as I had while a JW. Why? Never went out in field service on "worldly" holidays -- figuring that was just rude, it was their special day. Same last night.

    However, I am very grateful for this outlet and also am hoping with the help of my two other ex-JW friends to start a support group in my area. Thinking that after the Dateline:NBC program airs will be a good time to blanket the area with flyers and perhaps even get local newspaper coverage about the group.


  • joelbear

    You cannot imagine how thankful I am to have been able to get up this morning and read your posts.

    Yesterday was extremely difficult for me. I told my mother about 2 months ago that I was thinking about going this year. She put on the full court press to get me to go. In the end, I just couldn't.

    The only relationship I have ever had with my mother was based on guilt. The only relationship I have ever had with my dad was based on fear and intimidation.

    Sometimes I say to myself, its the society's fault for brainwashing them into these automatons. But recently, I've been saying to myself, no, they made the decision to become witnesses. They were in control of their beliefs and behavior.

    The witnesses appeal to a sick desire in people to be #1 in the world and to be able to control other people's actions through mass intimidation. Yes, the society is guilty, but all witnesses share in this guilt to some degree by association.

    While I understand why some here decided to go to the memorial, I am also proud of those who did not.

    great big hugs to all who were affected by this over the weekend.


  • digderidoo

    It's good to read these posts the day after the memorial.

    I didn't go last night, thought about it though. My mom seemed gutted when i told her on Saturday that i wasn't going.

    Last year was the first memorial i didn't go to, this year seemed much different though. It was as though last year i finally made a stance, as if i was saying that i no longer wanted to be a part of this org. This year tho i didn't have that statement to make, as it was already made last year. This year i didn't go just real reason.

    So i went out with a lifelong friend, also an x was his first memorial he missed. We went to a bar in the city and just chilled out. At around 9.15-9.20 though we began to the bread or wine being passed around now?(the meeting had started at 8.45). It was weird.

    I,m glad i didn't go.

    Yours dig

    Try to add life to your days, not days to your life.

  • expatbrit


    Don't feel guilty at all. Your advice was good, and it was my decision to go. While it was a bit of a tough experience, I think it was the right decision for my current circumstances.

    I'm pretty sure I'll reap the benefits over the next year in maneuvering room.

    Next year? Who knows.


  • mmetz

    Well first of all this is my first time here and I want to thank everyone for there fine inputs. May God Bless each and everyone of you with strength and courage and wisdom. I was at one time a unbaptized publisher but after several comments made to me and things I have seen I back away from the religion. But I have not backed away from God and infact seeing the faults of the JW faith has made me even more stronger spiritually than I ever have been before. I prayed so humbly for many months and this is where I ended up at. Thank God. This is however the first year that my mother whom is a JW did not ask me to attend the Memorial, in away I was shocked but relieved. I have been for the past year trying to show my folks all the mis conceptions of there faiths view on love as there love is not of there neighbor that Jesus instructed us which means all people and not just there love for one another inside there own group. Last week I asked my mom. How can you possibly sit there and say that you believe that Christ gained kingdom power when in Matthew 28:18-20 Christ had appeared before his diciples after he had been resurected that he had recieved kingship over Heaven and Earth when he had went back to God. So if he had done so then how could he have possibly recieved it in 1914 as the JW`s believe. Then I proceeded to show her in Revelations where John had seen in his vision that the 144,000 were of men that had not defiled themselves with women and etc. So I asked her how can you say a women can be of the 144,000 when the bible says they are men. I then told her that here I was with Gods word and proving to you that with Gods word alone I have and can prove that your religion is not the only truth as the matter of fact far from it. She replied " I don`t care" Now how does a person fight that. They know that there faith is false but they are staying involved anyways ? So to put this to and end I now have for the first time not been invited to the memorial and she has also begun to limit our visits and what we talk about. I have been told by my folks that the discussion of God was not allowed in there home with me and here after all the years of my life (40) and being raised a christian believed that Gods word was one that can and should be openly discussed with anyone that makes a claim to be a christian. I also ask anyone where do I go now with my folks and there faith ? I`m stumpped.

Share this