Tonight's memorial - did you go?

by dmouse 46 Replies latest jw friends

  • dmouse

    My wife has just left for the memorial.
    Just before she went she asked me to come...this was the second year in a row that I declined. I hated seeing her so sad, I almost agreed to go just to cheer her up but that would betray her in a very real sense. To go to the memorial would be an admission in her eyes (and other JWs) that I still believe deep down that it is the truth. To decide not to go to the memorial is the ultimate symbol of rejection of the religion of Jehovah's Witnesses. This is important because any hint that I might return will inevitably delay my wife's awakening to the real truth. I realise that any progress will probably take many years, but to give any hint of credence to the Society will set us back to square one. I must be strong, I must persevere in my rejection of all that is untrue. I love my wife dearly and I owe her that.

  • Thirdson


    I think you have done the right thing. Over the years I have known many unJWbelievers attend the memorial just to please their spouses. Some of these have become JW's themselves. Those that haven't but still attend give their spouses hope whether real or not.

    In order to show your complete disbelief in the WTS org, religion and belief system you have to stay away. You have the strength and wisdom to do so. I hope in time you can convince your wife that it is right to stay away.


    'To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing'

  • COMF

    You did just fine, dmouse. I assume, and hope, that your declination was done kindly, without irritation. Now do something special with her so that she will see that your rejection of falsehood is not a rejection of her.


  • Esmeralda

    Hi Dmouse,

    I myself am counting the hours until this day is over.

    My family may have tried to call me, I don't know, I've been screening my calls and they
    didn't leave any messages.

    I'm hoping that they won't pull a dramatic last ditch effort to try to guilt me into letting my daughter
    go. They may show up at the door near to the time of the event and say "Is she ready to go?"

    at which point I'm planning on saying "Thank you but she's not going."

    I am glad to see Thirdson and COMF around here today. Guys I just got done doing an hour
    of yoga and meditation and I'm still so stressed out my muscles are twitching like mad. I'm
    determined not to let this get me into another MS episode. Any wisdom that you have to offer
    or just encouragement will be appreciated.

    For the first time, this year I, like you, Dmouse considered going for my family's sake (See here for the details:

    but I can't mislead them that way. Especially my grandmother. I love her too much to give her false hope.

    My thoughts are with you, Dmouse, and all the rest who are going through this.

    Folks like you, COMF and Thirdson have always been such comfort and strength to me. Thanks for just being here, gentlemen.

    Love you both!

    *hugs all around*

  • Simon

    Heck, we didn't even get an invite

    I gues they knew we'd just be trouble
    Shame my mum is so pathetic that she won't speak to me, my wife (who is still a JW but no one speaks to her) or her grandchildren.
    I think she may have been the very first case of 'mad cow' many years ago...

  • patio34

    DMouse and Thirdson,

    I definitely think it was the right thing and I'm not going either. Although taking the coward's way out and using my health as an excuse--but everyone knows that's not really it. Besides, the WTBS wants the numbers really inflated, so why contribute to that?


    Loved your comment about the 1st case of mad cow disease!


  • expatbrit

    Okey dokey. I will be going to the sodding memorial in a couple of hours. Here's why:

    I'm a fairly recent fader. I'm hoping to fade away, but still preserve my family relationships. To do that, I need to avoid provoking confrontation with the thought-police. Going to the memorial will "reassure" them that I am not a threat that must be neutralized, by cutting me off from my family. It gives me another whole year to control my situation and withdrawal.

    It may well give my wife and family false hopes. So be it. I would rather give them false hopes now than have them cut me off so I have no chance of helping them see the truth about the truth later on. What's one more false hope to a JW after all? They have so many.

    I think everyone must do as they think best in their own individual circumstances.

    Actually I feel sorry for you guys who aren't going. You'll have to put up with my crazed ranting when I get back!


  • Esmeralda

    Good luck expat...I don't know if I could even sit through it without being physically
    sick! I'll be thinking of you and we'll deal with your ranting when you get home...

    hang in there!

  • expatbrit



    I've been building my mental defences all day for this. Visualizing putting up walls in my mind against which any comments or "encouragements" from the congregation will splatter like so many rotten eggs.

    Hopefully my walls of self-control will hold.

    But, later.....HULK MAD!!!


  • Kristen

    Tonite will be the first night my husband goes without me. He's getting ready as I type. They are combining both of the congregations I grew up in for the Memorial this year and EVERYONE who knows me and my parents will see that I did not go.

    I just can't. It's not in my heart. And if I did, it would only be to please everyone.

    We even had an elder and a sister stop by TODAY to encourage both of us to be there.

    who wonders what they'll really think after tonite

    my bio

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