Just wrote my DA letter....

by dubstepped 53 Replies latest jw friends

  • reds
    Enjoy your freedom.It's wonderful. I've been out 6 years in October. 1 elder visit the first month out. My husband died last September, the same elder came to his funeral because my son called him & he studied with my husband. Not one person called or got in touch with me from this loving congregation. Not that it was expected,it just goes to show action speaks louder than words.Some speak some don't. If it ever comes to a point where I have to make a decision,I like Billy ex benefited ans. I'll disfellowshipped them.
  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    It's great that you're in a situation where you can cut loose without any repercussions.

    Have a great life!

  • dubstepped

    Thanks for the support. My wife started wavering last night when she was actually addressing her letters to family. I understand why and we slept on it last night. Baby steps. We had a decision to pull the plug but at the last hour my wife was overtaken by grief and couldn't follow through. That's okay and we'll just ignore the phone calls from elders and see how my wife feels about things given a little more time for it to sink in. We do this together, whatever it ends up being. For now we'll treat them like bill collectors and ignore them until we're either forced into a situation where we need to DA, or we'll wait and see if my wife can follow through. Shit gets real, as they say, when you're one step away from it all (putting the envelopes in the mailbox). It overwhelmed her and I can't say I blame her for that. The whole thing is overwhelming because none of us want these choices. A win-win would be for everyone to get to be themselves without consequence, but once a teenager makes that lifelong contract with an organization they must be held to it I guess for the rest of their lives. How would JW's react if in their preaching work they were talking to Catholics or Baptists who would be forever shunned for conversion to the JW religion. They would bad mouth those religions for doing such. It's all just so hypocritical and awful. They have set things up to give them power over your decisions and consequences thereof. I understand that some don't want to admit the authority they have, but they have it. You can disavow their authority all you want, deny that they have it, and it may be true that they can't influence who I am, but they have my family and therefore have authority to mess up my day, week, or life. The power over me is nil, but the power over others is great, and that power affects me whether I like it or not. That power got to my wife last night. We'll see what happens.

    I appreciate you hearing me out. It helps to have a place to go talk about this stuff. Both of us have been bullied in life as kids. Both of us have been incredibly lonely in the organization with no real friends. To add another layer of rejection is fairly traumatic, and my wife in particular struggles with the rejection she's experienced in her life. Never had any friends growing up in the organization. Came from an odd family that set her up for failure socially. Being approved of or wanted or liked is huge to the average person, maybe even more huge when you've always wanted it and it has been kept from you. This is just another layer to add on top. It is a shame because my wife is the most beautiful person inside that I've ever met. It makes me so angry but there's nothing I can do about it. She has so many scars from the years of being treated poorly by people in this organization. Time will tell what she is able to do and maybe we'll need an external nudge. If that comes, we're certainly prepared.

  • done4good

    While I will state you are not necessarily "playing their game" if you DA, (so congrats!), however make sure this is what you want to do. It will put the exclamation point on your position, and you will have no chance of reaching loved ones still in. I speak from experience 8 years later.


  • WingCommander
    Your wife sounds a LOT like me. Totally f*cked over by being raised in a religious lunatic cult. How you described her, you could have easily be describing me. My parents were abused as children, sucked into this cult right before I was born (around 1975) and raised me in it. I always felt like an oddball outcast. It's really messed me up. Best of luck to you both.
  • Vidiot

    Have a Very Merry Un-Baptize Day!

  • OnTheWayOut
    Thanks for this update. There really is no hurry to such a decision. In this case, the badgering might make your wife want to DA, or the lack of badgering might make you both decide it isn't necessary, or something else. You've already made your giant leap in understanding TTATT.
  • passwordprotected
    I was asked to write a letter of DA, but I refused. A letter is what they require, and what they require was of no interest to me.
  • FayeDunaway
    Completely understandable! It's such a heavy thing. Is a move possible for you?
  • dubstepped

    We could move, but that seems extreme to me. Then we'd have to give up new friends we're cultivating and our business too. I'd DA all day long before I gave them that kind of power.

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