I AM SAD AND NEED SUPPORT (page 3)

LyinEyes

I am so sorry for you Scarlet,,,,, that really hurts I know.

Even before I was d/a my dad kept me at arms length so to speak, and I was an elders wife. But for some reason he didnt want to mix his old family with his new family. He married after my mother died, to the sister he had an affair with. THe woman is only 8 yrs older than me. I can't get along with her , but always tried to keep my tongue , she is just a hateful person. Thru the years I tried and tried to have a relationship with my dad and it was always me doing the giving. He now has another daughter, my half sister , who is 11 now, only 2 yrs older than my daughter. We really don't know each other but seemed to have some kind of bond from seeing each other at assemlbies and letters. But it is definatly not the way I feel about my sister who is 3 yrs younger than me.

I don't talk to my dad of course now, he has a good reason to shun me now,, before he just ignored me. I am sure my little half sister will here all kinds of things about me and how I am an evil apostate. I understand that her mind will be twisted by them. I can only hope that one day she will seek me out and I can tell her the whole story. Then when she is grown she can decide for herself if she wants to be my sister or not. It will be quiet a wait , but my door will always be open to anyone who wants to reach out to me.

Your sister, Scarlett, thank goodness is old enough to see all of this unfolding before her eyes. No one can tell her that you are evil and her just beleive it. I know the pain of what your parents are doing to you . There is no pain like being told you are dead,,,,,,, when you are not. It is like what greater evil is there that a parent kills their own child,,,,,,, and basically that is what they are doing.They can't kill our physical bodies but they call kill our hearts so to speak.....all in the name of love they say. That is why it is so sick and twisted and a cult.

I would talk to my sister if i were you and tell her that no matter what restrictions they put on you two , on seeing each other, you will always be there for her. Your parents may infact , stop all association and then your sister can't do much about it. But if you and her talk and you both know you love each other, you might have to just wait until she is 18 and out of there. I am sure she can sneak away to call you on the phone or meet up from time to time as she gets older. It seems like she will from what you say.

Hang in there and I know it hurts,,,,,, hopefully you will save your sister many years of misery by doing what you are doing,,,,,, leaving that cult.

Keep us informed ok.......... Hugs to you,,,,,,,,, Dede

wednesday

What truly sickens me is that JW's will cite that DF works b/c people will miss there family and see the error of their ways and repent. NOT TRUE people are emotinally blackmailed into doing anything, including lying, to be able to have a relationship wiht their family. It's bullying at its best.

So sorry your mom is like this-glad your sis is old enough to see it for what it is-a sham.

termite 35

Scarlet; i'm so sorry

Ihope ,in time, your sister leaves- at least she'll have you to turn to if she is shunned...

It's like a bereavement almost,is'nt it? though all the more hurtful as you can see the ones you love- but can't communicate with them.Some shun me, some don't- but none of them are family- so your situation can only be much worse than mine

I hope in time, your mother realises she'd rather have you than their approval.I know a witness woman with 4 children, and she speaks to them all - could you cite some examples of this to your mother so she can see that some very 'respectable' witnesses still talk to their disfellowshipped children?

Good luck

Love Termite

A Paduan

Hey Scarlet,

Your mom and brother were already jws, and now, because of your willingness to suffer rather than accept lies, your sister may not be - this is a good thing - now she may leave and be unguilty about it - it's an important thing you have done, and it could even be a step toward freeing up your mum.

paduan

imanaliento

(((((((((((((Scarlett)))))))))))) i think your sister will see what hypocrites they are and in time leave that org. can you get some info to her, give her this site address, Ray's Franz's books and others may be of help if she can read them without the spiritual police over her. your fortunate to have your husband, and your future is with him.

Scarlet

Thank you all for your wonderful replies and support.

could you cite some examples of this to your mother so she can see that some very 'respectable' witnesses still talk to their disfellowshipped children?

My aunt has a disfellowshipped daughter and spends time with her all the time. She plays a active role in her daughter and granddaughters life and would never think of shunning her. My mom feels that my aunt is in the wrong for doing this. My Mom is all about works. When I was about 14 I wanted to be a Candy Striper at a hospital and she told me that my time would be better spent in field service. Needless to say she forced to go in service all the time that summer and I didn't get to volunteer. If you are not doing works then my Mother thinks you are not good enough,

It's like a bereavement almost,is'nt it?

Yes it is. I was in the mall today seeing all of these mothers with their daughters at all different ages. I saw old women with ther grown daughters. It sadend me to see this as I know I will never have that again. My Mother is so stubborn no matter how much she wants to talk to me I know she won't. I told my sister to tell her the door is always opened on my side and I would never shun my own mother out of my life.

To all of that are also being shunned ((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))) I feel sorry for each and every one of you.

AwakenedAndFree

Dear Scarlet,

I'am so sorry for what you are going through now. The Watchtowers' shunning policy is un-Christian and unscriptural. And the mental pain it causes to all of us is surreal.

You have a beautiful, warm-loving sister - her refusal to shun you is a dysplay of true Christian love!

As for your parents, please continue to love them - It's the right thing to do - you are pleasing Our Creator and that's what it matters.

Please let us know how you are doing.

Many warm((((( hugs))))) to you.

Christian Love,

AwakenedAndFree

Mary

"......my brother asked him why he doesn't believe in the JW's and he said because there religion is based on a lie....."

That's the problem right there. As soon as a faithful Witness hears those words from an "inactive" Witness, then the blinders go on, the gates go up and they are deaf, dumb and blind from that moment on. That's "apostacy" in their opinion and they cut off communication for two reasons:

1. So that of course you'll be so devastated that you'll come back and "see the light", and

2. Because they've been warned time and time again over the years about listening to anyone who says ANYTHING against the Society, in other words: the Governing Body. They're told (as we all know) that "apostates" will try to "draw you away" with their "smooth lips" and "twisting" the scriptures, so naturally, your parents are unconsciously terrified that if they listen to you and your husband, that you'll be so convincing that they too will start to doubt whether this is "the Truth" and of course, then they'll fall in to Satan's snare and be drawn away and then they'll die at the Big A.

I'm glad your sister can see the light, but your parents are a different (but common) story. My advice to you, if you want to keep the lines of communication open with them is to try the following:

Write them a letter telling them how upset you are that they cut off communication. You might want to make it sound as though the reason you stopped going to the meetings is because you're upset at something an elder said to you, and wonder how this can be "the Truth", with an elder treating "a sheep" so badly. Your husband also feels "stumbled" and wondered the same thing, which is why he blurted out that he thought the religion was based on a lie.

Although this is trickery, it can work. For active JW parents, this is more along the lines of you being "stumbled" rather than you being an apostate, and from their point of view, you can still be saved. They could easily either call you or write to you and of course, blather on about the light getting brighter, not all elders are perfect etc...........you could pretend to really take it all in and of course confirm with her that deep down you "know" it's the Truth, but you just feel really hurt and stumbled right now.

Hopefully, your parents will be willing to "give you time" but will obviously be encouraging you to go back to the meetings. Eventually, they'll quit pestering you though, but as long as they just think you're "inactive", they'll be more likely to keep the lines of communication open.

Not everyone wants to do something like this, but it depends on how much keeping those lines of communication open with them means to you.

Let us know what happens. And God bless.

SLOAN

Scarlet,

I'm soo sorry that you are going threw all of this pain. I've only been out of the organization for 2 years and my parents not only shun but seem to have taken it to a whole new JW level; I'm NON~EXISTENT to them. It is extremely painful and again I'm soo sorry. There are a lot of good people here and I'm sure that they will bring you much comfort. If you would ever like to talk one on one just let me know and I'll get you my e-mail address.
You hang in there girl!!!! Best wishes!!

Beck_Melbourne

(((Scarlet)))

Sorry you are going through this. Many here can relate...and all I can say is 'Hang in there kiddo'.

If your relatives want to shun you, it won't stop you from enjoying your life, so pick up your toture stake *cough* and just forge ahead. Your quality of life hasn't changed...only the people in it...not to worry...you don't need people who don't need you. And besides...you have us and we have you! ((((HUGS))))

~Beck~

I AM SAD AND NEED SUPPORT

Share this