30 years, your new post pretty well sums up my situation as well. About a year ago my mother who is well entrenched in the org. came over to chastise me about my association with my Df'd dad. She had threatened to advise the elders if my association with him did not cease. That was really the final straw. For years I felt that something was not right with this religion. Every where I looked I saw broken families, mental breakdowns, and power hungry bodies of elders telling me I'm not a spiritual person, only to find out recently these very elders have been brought down by various scandals. At this point I started to question various doctrine such as disfellowshipping and began to search various sites on the web. What I found was very eye opening and I soon ordered the Franz book Crisis of Conscience. I found Ramond Franz's book to be well written and informitive, not at all what I had pictured since the WTS tries its darndest to innoculate its R&F from apostate material painting them as vicious revenge seekers with an axe to grind.
I have shared some of my findings with my wife, however she would rather turn her head and pretend that these problems do not exist. She feels that if we attend more meetings Jahs spirit will be upon us and these feelings will fade with time. I know her intentions are good, but I don't see this hapening at least in my case. I have two young daughters that I do not want growing up as I had to and it is difficult when you have a mother who wants to brainwash them everytime they go to see her when we are not around.
I agreed to go to the meeting last night with the wife as the CO was in town. It's pretty amazing to see who crawls out of the woodwork to attend meetings and go out in service when he is in town, when on sunday we are lucky to get 60 people in a new KH designed to seat about 150. My wife was irritated with me and said I had a smug look on my face as I sat through the meeting, its hard to sit there and listen anymore with a smile on my face.
I guess for now I'll just bide my time and read all the interesting posts.