So fed up!!!!! New here!

by Shytears 34 Replies latest watchtower medical

  • gilwarrior

    Hello Shytears. You are 16 right now. In two years you will be legally an adult. Then you can do whatever you want. If your parents won't let you be what you are then you should consider the option of getting a place of your own. I am 29 years old right now and a year ago I moved out for the first time and two months ago I moved from Houston to Las Vegas. It isn't easy, but I have the freedom to do whatever I want and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

    However, if you move away, you have to accept the probability that your parents could shun you. My family doesn't shun me, but they have made it clear that they are disappointed that I have left "the truth." I am truly convinced that JWs use shunning as a tool to keep people in the org. You have to decide what is more important to you, doing what you want to do or pleasing your parents.

    Also try to find some exJWs in your area through the net or whatever source you can use. And remember, relax, only two more years.

  • Shytears

    Everyone thank you so much :)Well my parents don't know i don't want to be a witness anymore.i don't know if i should tell them right now or wait until later and just for now pretend to agree on what they say?.they keep wanting me to go to the meetings and field service,but i have no desire anymore.Sometimes they only reason i go is to be around people,cause i dont do much socially.It hurts because i feel i have no true friends there,i have sooo many friends that are ""worldy"i cant count on my hands and feet.well i have to say i have one jw friend who doesnt want to be a witness anymore either,so i guess we kinda bonded,but i think it is easier for her because she is not baptized unlike me.My mind and heart are always being pulled in different directions.i dont want to hurt my parents cause i love them,but i dont want to hurt either.i know they want whats best for me,but maybe what they think is best is really not. lots o love ,Laura

  • A Paduan
    A Paduan

    Don't tear yourself apart "let your yes be yes and your no be no"

  • Sentinel

    Oh, my dear (((((((hugs)))))))

    If you can just sit tight and do the minimal of the requirements to appease your parents, in two years you will be old enough to make your own decisions. Granted, if your decision is to leave the JW's, you will not have the support of your family, and will probably no longer be able to live at home.

    Endeavor to reach out to other members of your family who understand your situation. Perhaps an aunt or uncle would take you in when you turn eighteen, and allow you some time to get a job and get situated as to what direction you wish to take.

    It sounds like your parents would not approve of you going to college, but if this is what you want to do, then, you could possibly arrange to live with family members, take a part time job and go to school.

    It's just my opinion, but getting into a relationship with a guy might rescue you momentarily from your present dilema, but could plunge you into another whole set of serious situations. And, also, in the beginning, a guy might like the whole "rescue" scene, but then tires of the responsiblity all too soon.

    You have your whole life ahead of you. Talk to your guidance counselors as well. Find someone older and wiser, and start planning your future after you graduate.

    Keep us posted as to your progress. We will be thinking about you.

  • LB

    Shytears I'm on the other side of the fence from you. I'm a parent that got their son baptized. It's a huge regret of mine and I wish I had never done that.

    But hang in there. Life can get better but don't let these thoughts enter your mind if you can help it...

    sometimes i wish id die

    It really is going to be better. I know all us old people keep saying crap like that. But give it a chance. You've been given some good advise. Go to college, get a job. But go slow with the worldly stuff at first. I've seen too many JW kids go overboard and end up with addictions and children before they know what's happening.

    Life really is to be enjoyed, it's a gift we were given.

  • arachnia

    Hi Shytears,

    I'm sorry to hear about your frustration with your current situation - it's quite understandable. Many of us have walked your path and later successfully made it out. I'm going to say some of the same things everyone else has, but hopefully it's helpful to hear some common things emphasized and it will show how important they are. Education is the first thing, make it your top priority. You cannot imagine the doors it opens for you in your life until you see all those that remain closed without it. You will be far happier if you pursue it while you are young and better able to dedicate yourself to it. Youth has the advantages of stamina, enthusiasm, and the ability to absorb information quickly. Ironically, this is why the JW's doggedly pursue their own youths to focus "on the kingdom" - because they recognize the value of the previous statement. It is easier to indoctrinate someone when they are young and a "clean slate" so to say. Learn to utilize critical thinking and logic to evaluate the things you are taught, the things you read, and the things you experience. I have a couple of websites that will help to introduce you to these concepts:

    Also, as difficult as it is at your age, try to keep the focus off of guys and on yourself. Don't get deeply involved with anyone so that the course of your life is forever altered by choosing to pursue a relationship with them. That's not to say that the outcome of dating someone will always have long-lasting consequences, but it certainly can, especially if you have been raised to believe that dating is is a process by which one evaluates another as a marraige prospect. It can eventually lead to that stage, but it should not have such gravity for some time, especially not at your age. Be free and get to know yourself and your needs, your hopes, your dreams, and your desires so that you can better know who will make a good partner to you and you to them. Start a list of qualities you need in a partner, those you want in a partner, and those which are completely unacceptable. Keep the list updated over time, adding and deleting as necessary. Evaluate anyone you start to seriously date against it and see how they measure up. (Of course, don't tell them about this! LOL) ;-) Love and lust make us do some crazy shit, so while you aren't consumed by it with a particular someone, make your list, then check it twice, and then pull it out if you start thinking, "this is the one!" and see how it looks.

    Finally, if you leave the religion, you will have to face the reality that your parents may shun you as a consequence. Prepare yourself for the possibility. If it doesn't happen, excellent, but if it does, you will at least be partly prepared. I'm fortunate in that my parents are no longer in the religion either. However, I have had to deal with other shunning (I'm DA'd) and I find that recognizing that it is the other person's CHOICE to do it and not that I am evil (well, OK, sometimes I might be, just a little...) >;)~ does help. To be honest, I'm to the point now where it means so little to me as to not affect me.

    You have a tough road ahead, but it's well worth travelling down in order to live your live as a free person. Hang in there and keep your chin up! :)

  • mouthy

    ((((hug))))Shytears! I'm the Great Granny on the list [email protected] I agree with what everyone has told you.But the one thing I would add-Is! dont say anything to your parents about your not believing what the Watch tower preaches. They will start thinking "The Devil made you say it"

    I brought my kids up JWs & I am so sorry now- But 16 is a good age to start thinking- I would suggest you dont give up on prayer ...Jesus promised he wouldnt leave us as orphans.... So hang in till you are able to leave home-Do go to college if your able.Stay away from sex! which is perfectly normal to feel those hormone's kicking in...Dont feel guilty about it. Just remember when your that young - you feel "it wont happen to me" I got pregnant at 16.... I have not had an education,dances,

    movies, etc All the good things that one can do.... But Look after YOU! Remember your worth a lot,I was a very young guilty Mother when the JWs knocked on my door- I was in a new country( I come from England ) I swallowed what they taught Hook,line,& sinker..... I taught some of my children the same( so Your Mum & Dad dont realize they are doing more harm than good) But play it cool- good morals will back you in later life hun!

    If you need help -I am in Canada- My e-mail is posted . Will help in ANY way I can.God Be With you....

  • Shytears

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i wanna scream!!!!!!!!!im sick and tired of always getting into petty fights with my mom,over the stupidest shit,gawd!! now im punished for a month,wow! whoopdy do,like i care(i really do :( )never do anything anyway so hey,same shit all over again,

  • out4good3
    now im punished for a month,wow! whoopdy do,like i care(i really do :( )never do anything anyway so hey,same shit all over again,

    I can almost guess what your punishment is.....come home straight from school, no outside contact with anybody, and more study and meeting attendance....

    Am I right?

    They always seem to think that if you just immerse yourself in a KH just a little more that it will cure anything.

  • caligirl

    (((((((shytears)))))) Welcome! Hang in there! I was also considered the "bad girl" in my hall for no valid reason, so I understand where you are coming from on that one. My advice, which goes along with many others here is to bide your time until you are 18 and free to choose. Do the minimum to stay below the radar, but DO cultivate your friendships with non witnesses so that you will have a support system in place in the event that your parents shun you when you leave. Please feel free to email me! I would also advise that you don't complicate your life with a serious relationship at this stage in your life! I did, and it made it that much harder to extricate myself from the whole mess.You will find a wonderful support group on this board and many friends.

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