The two things they did to me.

joelbear

I am an injured man because they did things to my mind and to my soul. I can't make it through the day without some kind of medication to keep me going. Its getting worse with age not better.

First they warped my life plan. 1975 doomsaying, peer pressure to not be worldly, kept me from pursuing my deepest goals and dreams for my life. True I can patch together something that may resemble my dream now that my life is more than half over, but I will never achieve what I might have achieved. This sense of loss eats the fiber of my mind away.

Second, they forced my family and friends to abandon me. I form very strong ties to people and I've left so many people behind that my heart is ripped to shreds.

I can try to recover some by making new friends, but I'll never replace the places in my heart that have been ripped away.

Joel

www.joelbear.com

Joyzabel

(((((((Joelbear)))))))

it's good to hear from you.

Are you getting any counseling from a therapist?

May I suggest you find a therapist that you may feel secure with to explore your unfinished grieving.

Hugs,

j2bf

edited for spelling, sorry, still can't spell.

Edited by - joy2bfree on 24 October 2002 16:0:24

outoftheorg

Oh joelbear

I know what you mean. I go through the same damned thoughts and feelings almost every day.

1975 was it for me also. I am now 66 and at times so sad or at other times so angry about what I might of achieved. If only I had dumped them earlier. I still lurked in the jw's until 1989 to keep my family from shunning me. Then my dislike for them became obvious and due to other situations I was df'd in 1991.

The only thing I can offer is to determine to make the most of the rest of your life. Establish your own guidelines and try to live up to them and find things that you enjoy. Find people who will not treat you badly and live.

There is happiness and contentment out there, but we have to activly pursue it. It will not come to us on its own.

If professional help with depression or other things are needed, please get that for yourself. It is not an admission of weakness or faults to agree to treatment. Then do the brain work of reasoning your way past the problems and coming to grip with the causes.

Hang in there. Wish you the very best of all that life has in store for you.

Outoftheorg

edited to correct name sorry sorry sorry

Edited by - outoftheorg on 24 October 2002 16:28:25

LyinEyes

I know what you mean Joelbear, it just pisses me off. Don't let the anger take your life too.

I am saying this because , I am saying it to myself, I am soooooooo damn angry.

Not just the WT but my JW father too. Just steaming mad and it get physically sick from so much anger. I try to stop it but I want revenge. LOL. I really really do. Neither of these parties admit they are so bloodguilty. But i have to go on with my life, or I am a victim of their too

I refuse to be another victim . But hell , it does hurt. But you are a good person Joel and that is why you hurt. I feel I am a good person, that is why I hurt, if we didnt we would be just like them, so unloving and non caring.

I guess that is the sad price to pay to be a good person, but it is true.

I like this saying,,,, it is my real signature saying,,,,,,,,,"That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger". This is true, things that feel that bad may not kill us, in fact we usually have bad scars but we survive. And we are stronger for better battles ahead. I guess that is the only way I can put behind me the things that have happened. That these things have made me a survior.That means alot to me. One time , I thought of myself as weak, hopeless and would never live to be over 35. Well, I am here and plan on staying, everyday is a fight within myself. Don't worry about taking your medication, alot of us are taking meds or will sometime in our lives. We sure will never be perfect .

Hang in there and maybe your tomorrows will be brighter. One day at a time. Hugs,,,, Dede

Witch Child

Hi Joelbear. I am so sorry you are in so much pain...

It really is a shame to have to look back on lost opportunities and regrets. Through deception, the wt has stolen much from many.

I sincerely hope you will work through your grief and that many excellent opportunities will come your way.

peace,
Witch

nilfun

I know, it hurts; I too will never be 19 again.

(((((Joelbear)))))

wildfire

JOELBEAR IAM SO GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOU WE CANT BE SILENT ANYMORE,,,, JUST LIKE THE SILENTLAMB MARCH...... I TOO HAVE BEEN VICTUMIZED..... SHUNNED,,,,, MARKED,,,,,,,SUFFERED DEEP DEPRESSION FOR YEARS... (BUT THANK GOD I FOUND A GREAT THERAPIST WHO IS HELPING ME DEAL WITH ALL THESE HORRIBLE ISSUES I HAVE GONE , THRU...... we need to keep talking,,,,, keep reminding ourselves it is not our fault for all of this,,,,, THEY WILL PAY FOR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO SO MANY INNOCENT LITTLE SHEEP.... JESUS WOULD NEVER TREAT HIS SHEEP IN THIS WAY... WE KNOW THAT but believe me i hav e been there deep depression,,,, suicidal tendancies,,, hospitalization....... married to one of the supposed holier than thou annointed ones..... that is a nightmare all in itself..... but i am here i am talking ,,,,,,,,,,,i will not be silenced anymore,,,, it is wrong what they are doing.... so pleas e get professional help ,,,,,,,,, it will help and please take care

Xander

It makes me wonder how a WT apologists mind can work.

I mean, it's not just a hobby - they really did take something tangible from us.

How many got teased or beat up in school for acting aloof and singling yourself out? The kids never had to do anything - we singled OURSELVES out!

What of all the missed opportunities?

I'm generally okay with it life now. More or less. I think I've done okay w/ what has happened since. But every now and then...

You know, seeing the kids you went to school with going to law school or finished w/ their bachelors in computer science and going on to work for - and being wanted by - the Microsofts and IBMs of the word....It's very hard sometimes. Stupid things get you down from time to time. I do PC work, and make enough to get by on...but every now and then when I see something I'd dearly love to get and know that I *can't*....

I mean, I liked studying ahead in school. I really loved learning. Just kinda forced off that track. Armegeddon coming, you know...

It's very hard to get back to...and costs a lot more now, too.

Edited by - Xander on 24 October 2002 16:52:48

gumby

Hi Joelbear,

Just remember this my friend.....you are not alone. Sometimes it helps a little to know this....but it can't change what has happened.

Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be had I not been brought up in this religion. If the Witnesses had encouraged education as do the Mormons and others.....many of us would not be struggling as we are. We would have memories of what we could have done differently too.

Life can be what you make it at the present also. I realize it makes it tougher as you say and we are not getting any younger. Many here have gotten on with their lives and some have a tougher time. A lot depends on who we have as family and friends that can associate with us. For me my whole family (except two) are still in the borg as well as the majority of my closest friends.

I too need "medication" to deal with things.

Take care and hang in there. You'll always have friends here.

Gumby

reubenfine

My sypathies go out to joelbear and you all. I'm in the same position at 46 years of age. All we can do now is learn from the past and do the best we can with what we have. Easier said than done, of course, but what else can you do?

Have you ever seen Treasure of the Sierra Madre with Humphrey Bogart? The ending was a classic in movie history and I don't want to spoil it if you haven't seen it although I want to tell you how it ends right now. The ending had a marvelous way of looking at life and the crap that comes a person's way. If you haven't seen it I highly recommend it.

The two things they did to me.

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