I Need Help Please!!!

by CW02 46 Replies latest jw friends

  • LovesDubs

    It is VERY common for JWs to go outside the organization searching for mates. It is common because they are FORBIDDEN to DATE AT ALL unless they are interested in marriage. So for them to have a relationship with anybody and not have their EVERY MOVE reported to the elders...they seek relationships outside the JWs. This is strictly forbidden. He KNOWS this. He has no EXCUSE for not telling you UP FRONT that he is a JW and what that entales. He obviously knows that if he had been honest wtih you...you would have bolted for the door. He basically lied to you sugar...to serve his own selfish purposes...and now that the the jig is up, he is trying to do an end run around his own selfishness by making YOU pay the price...by dragging YOU into the very religion he has JUST REJECTED by dating you in the first place! Who needs a creep like that?? And definitely not for the rest of your LIFE. Trust us...we KNOW of what we speak here and your heart was DECEIVED into thinking he was something else and he did nothing towards telling you the truth about who he is. The JWs call their religion "the TRUTH"...isnt it ironic to you that the first contact you have with the JWs ...is a LIE?

    I was a JW and I married a JW and even now...now that I am OUT and he is still IN...our family is torn to shreds, Loved One, please dont do this to yourself..or YOUR extended family, who will not be able to celebrate Christmas or birthdays with you or your future children ever again. No Easter, no Fourth of July, no Thanksgiving...NOTHING. And while those are "only holidays"...they represent a removal of you from everything you hold dear now...ALL your nonJW friends ALL your nonJW relatives will be removed from your life. You will be expected to toe the line and you will never be totally trusted by his family because they will always question your "motives for becoming a JW" even if you made the huge mistake of doing this to keep him in your life.

    Right now, my sister in law, my mother in law, my brother in law, my step dad in law, and all their children shun me, and thats not including all the friends I made in the 13 years I was a JW. Their kids are not allowed to see my kids, their cousins...and I am not allowed on their property, nor to speak to their children. I have to do holidays alone for my children...having to hide any meeger decorations I would be allowed to put up in the back of the house so no JWs from the street could see them. We have nothing but pain in our family and a division that will always be there.

    Dont do this...the person you fell in love with is NOT this boy who is now backpeddling on you. He DECEIVED you. Please please please get out of this.

  • concerned mama
    concerned mama

    Hi CW02; and welcome to the board. You have come to a good place for some sound feedback . As one non-Dub to another, listen to what all these posters say, because they are RIGHT! The JW religion truly is a whole different culture and if you don't want to live that culture, and that life, don't join, and don't marry that man. Please read the other sites with links at the bottom of the page. Check it out for yourself . My daughter had a Jehovah's Witness boyfriend for over 2 years and only broke up a couple of weeks ago. All of the difficulties you have experienced, and that you have been told about, happened to her, including flip flops about his involvement in his own religion.

    LovesDubs, you hit it on the nail. There is so much deceptiveness involved in this religion. As so many of you have said, how honest has he been, even from the start, with CW02?

    CW02, he might be a terrific guy, and just because he is JW, it doesn't mean he isn't sweet and kind and lovable, but do you have the same vision for the future? Take lots of time and get to know him a lot better. In my humble opinion, it takes more than love to build a happy life together.

  • Simon

    Hi concerned mama ... sorry to hear things didn't work our for your daughter. Hope she's not too upset and is still doing well with her other interests.

  • concerned mama
    concerned mama

    Hi Simon,

    You need to talk to Angharad, she is up to date on my family gossip. lol

    My daughter is doing fantastically, but the ex-boyfriend is still crushed. He might be a JW, who should never have got involved with her, but a broken heart still hurts. He needs to start thinking about what he believes, then follow that, or he will just get himself in another romantic mess. He is a sweet, very confused boy, and I feel sad for him. ECSTATIC that they broke up, but sad for him.

    Sorry for the small thread detour.

    edited because I never see the typos till it is sent

    Edited by - concerned mama on 22 October 2002 11:51:39

  • Buster

    PurpleV's comments caught my as I read thru the replies. One item in particular: All love is conditional with these people. They use it like a mallet to hit each other over the head. Don't doubt it! That is exactly what happened after you met his witch of a mother. She talked to him later and made it clear that she (his mother dammit!!) would no longer be able to talk to him if he married a non-witness. Instead of standing up to her, (yes he stood up to here while you were there, but he caved under her vicious manipulation) he is now putting the pressure on you.

    At 23 he is too young to know what he is doing. He has been sheltered and kept from normal growth. Keep reading at this site, or the Silent Lambs, or Freeminds, and you may get a flavor of how he was raised. You won't believe their barbaric beliefs as regards wifely submission, child discipline, and anything else you consider important.

    Lets fast forward to 5 years from now - you have two kids, have been going to meetings, stuff like that. Then something goes wrong. He has a quickie with some sister he was trying to comfort thru a hard time (happens every day). He or she gets guilty and the matter comes before the elders. Guess what, he'll say you weren't giving it up at home. Believe this, they will consider that a partially mitigating circumstance. And check this out, they'll ask him why he did not take "his due" by force if necessary. That's how he's been raised.

    I'm telling yah, you have enough red flags - take the early warning and consider yourself lucky.

  • Realist

    hello CW02,

    i can really feel with you! i went through the same thing only a few month ago. i was always hoping she could free herself from the cult...and she was hoping i would see the WT is the true religion...we both suffered for 1.5 years...and then it finally ended.

    Jws are really put on a guilt trip if they are together with non JWs. it doesn't mean he doesn't love you...he just doesn't have a choice i guess.

    i think you should check out if he might be able to free himself...but if he can't then you should try to end the relationship...i know it will be very hard but it is the only way.

    wish you the best!!!


  • JBean

    Aw honey... I read these posts and your initial plea for help and I can't help but cry. You are in a big mess if you continue to be with this person without them leaving this nutty organization! I KNOW... I WAS THIS PERSON FOR SO MANY YEARS!!! Every guy I dated (non witness) I ended up arguing with constantly about "life forever on a paradise earth..." etc., etc. until it made both of us sick. I'm still technically a JW but am basically "out" for all purposes. I am with a WONDERFUL (non JW) man now and we are doing fabulously... why? Well, because I'm no longer trapped in all the dogma and rules of men. Your JW friend will really never be happy staying in the organization... but you do not have to be dragged down with it. Please look into your heart and know that the JW life will never be healthy. Jbean

  • A Paduan
    A Paduan

    "he told me that I had to become a witness or he could no longer love me"

    Whatever he or they teach may you about their religion - that is the essence of jwism.

    IF he is willing to leave them, you may just have a husband, Maybe. Tell him you'll have to wait a while and see what direction he takes. Why?

    1) He concealed something of importance.

    2) He's obviously he's not emotionally stable at the moment (leaving a religion?).

    If he pressures you - Leave - that's not love, that's 'jwism'.


  • Shakita

    I will be blunt here. If you marry this guy, your life will be HELL on EARTH! I know, because I lived that life. Please take the advice given on this board to heart. So much good advice from people who have been permanently scarred from this horrible religion. When you are in love, sometimes you can not think clearly. But, this decisionis probably one of the most important ones you will ever make. Do some research on this crazy religion before you take such an important step. You must do this on your own, away from any influence from the JW's. This is because the JW's themselves don't see how horrible this religion is. They are too brainwashed by the organization to see past what they are told to do on a daily basis.

    Take care of yourself and I wish you all the best.

  • Dia

    Suggest that he - or both of you - read the book first.

    Remember, there are pedophiles in the JW congregation and everyone is forbidden to tell anyone they're there. Do you want to have children and associate with them? Do you want to be a JW parent? Do you want your husband, father of your children, to be one?

    The WTS feels they have a right to know what goes on in the privacy of your marital bedroom and to make rules about that, too.

    And that if they ask him - or you - about your intimate moments (even now), he and you will have a JW obligation to tell them anything they want to know.

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