I married a stranger, did you?

by kenpodragon 45 Replies latest jw friends

  • kenpodragon

    In my current life I know a lot of people who live together. Some of them might have done this because they do not like marriage, and others have done this as a step towards getting married. In all, in my post-Witness life I find that I have no problem with either view. With one in two marriages failing, and seeing elderly people who stayed together because they did not want a scandal in their youth. I think that this modern generation is wise is doing what ever suits them to make a relationship work. Although, what brought me and my wife to our current point in the relationship. Would be considered odd by today's thinking, and yet for some odd reason it worked for us. There might be others who will relate to this as well. When I was about 22 I went to a different book study one night and met a young woman. I did not know her well, but we talked and got to know each other a little. It was only a couple of weeks later, and someone invited me over to a "get together" and she was there too. We talked more and soon we found that we wanted to date, it was not much longer and everyone knew we were a couple. Two months later, being the typical manner of a Witness life we were engaged, and then nine months from the time of that book study we were married. Two strangers saying "I do" in front of a lot of people neither one of us even knew. When most people marry someone they normally know all about them, well at least something about them. I can honestly say, that when my wife married me and I married her. We honestly moved in with two complete strangers in love. We talked more and we joked, we traveled and we learned more about our likes and our dislikes. We attended every one of those meetings, Pioneered, and traveled to all of those conventions. We were the couple everyone wanted to have over to their house. We studied the Bible, and read all of Watchtower and Awakes. We still were getting to know each other though, and some times things were not the peaches in creams people thought went on in our house. You can not have two people who met only nine months before they say "I do" know what drives the other one nuts, or what makes them upset. Yet like all things in life, you bounce from one day to the next. Your padding of knowledge in each others views makes your love stronger, and you days even better. Yet for the most part by the end of year one, I would say we were both still strangers. Why would I say such a thing, even though by that time we had spent so many hours talking and preaching? Well the years they went so fast and we learned so much and did so many things. We Pioneered, and I was in a positions of congregation authority. We were the pillar of strength that others thought they should model their life after, "two strangers in love" yet never knowing what was missing. Then one day when three years had passed in our marriage days. I come into the living room after a meeting, and set with my wife and said, "there is something I need to tell you." My wife had that serious look on her face, worried about what that something might be. Well I laid it all out, how I no longer believed this religion and I wanted to change my life and get out of there. I told her she could stay in if she wanted, that I would never stop her or hurt her. I just said it like it was, "I am gone, and their is no turning back from here." My wife was quiet for a minute and then stood up and walked out of the room. I set thinking that she might be crying or struggling with my thoughts. Then she came back with a trash bag in hand, looked me in the face and said, "thank God you said it first, now lets throw away all these stupid books." We took the books to the dumpster, every single one of them that night. I set there that evening thinking, "we are no longer strangers in love, but now we are people who could really learn each others true meaning." Now I would never be one to say, that every step I took from that day was the best. No, we made many mistakes and did things in the thought of "freedom at last", but I will say one thing in sitting here six years later, with our first baby only a month away. I know that for me nine months might seem to short before marriage, and I know for many that was a huge mistake. The thing is, some times we think we are married a stranger. Yet years later we learn we married someone just like us. We just needed to find "us" first before we realize we knew "them" better then we ever thought. "I might have married a stranger, but I live today with my best friend" My thought Dragon

    Edited by - kenpodragon on 20 October 2002 17:58:37

  • Elsewhere
  • Preston
    "thank God you said it first, now lets throw away all these stupid books." We took the books to the dumpster, every single one of them that night.

    You were fortunate, many earnest JW wives would be willing to leave husband than Watchtower/God.

    The thing is, some times we think we are married a stranger. Yet years later we learn we married someone just like us.

    I like this statement. I will say though, thank God I never dated anyone in my congregation that was like me (I never did like myself as a JW anyway). Still, congratulations on finding your similar half. BTW, I aways enjoy reading your posts Ken, you have a gift for writing, something that I had at one time and am trying desperately to get back. Hope everything works out with the baby...

  • LyinEyes

    Wild Turkey and I got met when I was just barley 17 , he was 18, short nine months later we married. Two years later, and a world of change later, we had our first child.

    I know what you mean, we were strangers in away but it was like we were destined to find each other in someway, although I don't believe in destiny. We just seemed to need each other and we still do.

    We laugh , cry and fight together just about everyday... lol... we both love to debate so,, I guess you understand when I say we fight. We just like to see who can win the debate, and it can range from a religious issue, to a darn football play.. But we have a pretty good time , learning from each other and yet still growing into our own , after leaving the borg. I was very afraid when Denny told me he didnt believe in the WT anymore, and he said he wasnt sure what he believed. I had never known this side of him. We are still working on those issues. But thru it all, the family that have died, abandoned us, so called friends that just turned away, we are sticking together.

    We have grown up together, literally. We are not the same two kids that got married so many years ago. But yet we are. Everyday, there is something new to learn and so much to look forward to.

    I hope we have a lifetime to be together, and maybe an afterlife to share too. If we don't kill each other first.........hehhehehehhehehhe but , ah,, that is the spice of life right.

    Congrats, and best wishes to you and your wife kenpo on the new baby.

  • scootergirl

    kenpodragon.......what a good thread.

    I was engaged as a teenager to someone I never really dated but had a crush on throughout my teenage years. We got engaged pretty immediately after we were allowed to "date". He now is an elder......and me......and apostate. I thank God to this day that I broke off the engagement......at 17 I didn't know who I was let alone he know who I was.

    I can't say that I married a stranger w/my current husband. We dated, spent a whole lot of time together and then lived together before agreeing to marry. I can honestly say that there have been no suprises in our marriage.

  • Shakita

    Another great post!

    Congratuations on your freedom found together, and for the chance to raise a child with that same freedom!

  • ballistic

    God, I was such a fool.

    I feel so stupid looking back at my young life in the truth, getting married so young to someone I didn't know - and not knowing she couldn't keep her legs shut to any male in my neighbourhood. I feel angry at being duped by the dubs.

    Sorry guys, all this time on this web site and I still have issues.

  • shera

    That was nice.

    Thanks for that

  • kenpodragon
    Sorry guys, all this time on this web site and I still have issues.

    Nothing to be sorry about. I know I was fortunate in what happened with me. I know a lot did not work out, and thus I do not think there is any perfect way to start and keep a good marriage. You have to find out who and what fits you and for some that might be a life long search.

    My thought


  • shera

    I never looked for anyone in the organization.

    I'm not male bashing at all here,but I knew I would never be a good submissive JW wife.I'm a 50 -50 gal

    I had a real hard time with the be submissive to your husbands talks.

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