Amazing,
Thanks for the encouragement...I wanna be just like you when I grow up!!!!!
Diamond
can the marriage work
by DIAMOND 23 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
joannadandy
Any marriage can work if both parties are willing to work on it. Try and stay positive if at all possible. You could be the exception to the rule and everything could come out slpendid!
-
roybatty
I went through the same thing myself a couple of years ago and we ended up divorcing. I believe we both tried but she remained the hard-line JW. Simply put, we began living in two differnt worlds. She resented the fact that I "turned my back on Jehovah" (gag!) and I resented that she was raising our kids in a cult. But as time has passed we've both lightened up and are focused on raising our kids. Good luck!
-
out4good3
Well, i don't know how much advice I can offer but i can tell you what works for me and my still JW spouse.
When I finally made my stand after only two years of being indoctrinated and bailed it was tough for both of us. She was constantly badgering me about why I didn't believe it was the truth anymore and when I told her she would pretty much just ignore the reasons by making excuses and apologizing for the org. What I found was that it was more of a deep seated thought of hers that I would abandon her also. I also found that she was concerned about how she would have to explain it to the "brothers" about me not attending meetings anymore. It was these things that were bothering her more than her canned parroting of WT expressions about "being together in paradise" even though she'll never admit to this. Reality is secondary to how things are supposed to "appear" to those in the congregation so as not to "stumble" anyone.
One day after an evening of interrogating questions from her after throwing up I finally had to throw down the gauntlet. I explained to her that I wasn't leaving her or abandoning a belief in God, but what I was leaving is the all too controlling atmosphere of the man made organization known as the WTBS. As far aas I know, this is my only shot at life and that I intended to live it based upon my own thoughts, feelings, and decisions and not those filtered through a bunch of old geezers in Brooklyn or the congregation. I told her I have to be the person I want to be and not the person she or anyone else expects me to be and that my love for her is not contingent upon whether or not she was a JW and for this marriage to work that I hoped she felt the same way.
Since then we've created a comfortable truce whereby I say nothing about her going to the sparse meetings she now choose to attend and she no longer badgers and questions me about going to meetings anymore. All I've learned about the real truth behind the "trooth" I keep to myself, unless she specifically asks and when she intentionally draws me into JW conversations with her family. Usually this never happens anymore since I at one time got them to admit that the society wasn't the perfect organization they seemed to think it was. I could see the fear in their faces as theyI mentioned their UN involvement once and my b-i-l turned red in the face in his explosive vehemence to deny it. I asked him would he be interested in researching it and that this information would not be contained inside the WT publications to which he stated if it wasn't in the publications, he'd never believe it.
So sad that people can be controlled to that degree.
-
Ray Skyhorse
I used to think that a "mixed marriage" could work if both parties tried to make it work. I have a couple of friends, he is Catholic and she is Jewish, and they are able to make things work. But being married to a JW is different than other mixed marriages; it is like a Jew being married to a Nazi...it's a real long shot that it will ever work. They might be able to stay together for whatever reason, but the marriage will never thrive or be enjoyable.
I'm married to a JW and my marriage is dying.
Ray
-
terabletera
If I repeat another post, I apologize, I don't have time to read them all. I just wanted to say that the marriage can only work depending on how much the WTS was involved in your marriage in the first place. Some people put it ahead of their marriage, seeing it as God first. It is, in my opinion, always a bad idea to put any church ahead of one's marriage. Marriage is the union of two to become one. Not that stupid equation that with god in bed with you things work better. I just never bought in to it.
Only you can say if you and your wife did things the way it made you feel good about your relationship or not. Some couples do not. Is she truly your friend? Or is she a partner in worship? Did you marry because you both thought the other was a "good choice" of marrying in the lord? Or did you marry because you were completely and hopelessly in love? You'd have to honestly look back on it all. . Again, only YOU really can analyze it properly..and I certainly wish you the best. It will be a tough one to overcome but if you had a good marriage that was the TWO of you before, you can survive it.
Tera
Edited by - terabletera on 16 October 2002 15:52:15
-
og
Well my wife is a "super dub" and I'm a DA'd apostate (for about a year and a half) and I'm finding it to be a nearly intolerable situation - and we love each other! But... her deeply held belief is that my spiritual ideas are so disgusting that she can't discuss them with me and that God is going to kill me because of them and, oh yeah, she has to do her best to raise my kids to get baptized and stop talking to me or God will kill them too. So is love enough?
Speaking for myself, I haven't "solved" this yet. If we split, we'll both be miserable for years, if we don't split we'll be mildly miserable for the rest of our lives and whatever the kids do, one or both of us is going to be crushed.
I just get so angry and sad at this evil organization. My wife has been in since she was 7, and truly seems unable to think rationally about it anymore.
Sorry if I'm a downer about this. Monday I had my first ever panic attack, partially due to these issues. And the one person I can't talk to is my wife, because my problems involve her damned religion. Sorry again; this topic has touched a nerve.
-
LB
Diamond can you be married to her without ever mentioning JW's?? Can she be married to you without mentioning them? If the other mentions it can either of you keep your mouth shut?
If not, I think it's in huge trouble.
I think marriage between nonbelievers is much easier (and it still isn't easy) than marriage between an ex-jw and a jw. When I stopped going I only mentioned the reasons why I wasn't going once. I never said anything again. My wife continued to attend for a year afterwards before she started talking about how screwed up things were. That's when I opened my mouth again. She stopped attending then.
Best wishes to you.
Al
-
Francois
Being married is tough when both parties are of the same beliefs, as we all know.
Being married in the sitiuation you describe seems as phony and forced as being a JW is phony. You never mention one of the most important facets of your life, your spirituality to each other? To me that would be like having dinner together, neither party mentioning the elephant sitting with them at the table. Like everything else JW, it's an unbelieveable self-deception.
However, I suppose it could work if BOTH parties were determined that it would. For me, however, I don't think I could live with a woman whose regard for a man-made organization was higher, deeper and more intense than her love for me.
francois
-
terabletera
note to jim,
I must say you do sound committed to making to work, that's got to count for something friend! I wish you the best.
Tera