Is it normal to feel jealousy???

by butalbee 26 Replies latest social relationships

  • butalbee

    It's been over between us for months now, didn't end very good either. I do regret hurting him like I did, but at the time, I needed to be free of him and any/all dubs. I've finally moved on w/ my life, I have a wonderful new man in my life--who treats me like a princess--and I feel lucky to be w/ him. He is everything I ever wanted in a partner...but friday I found out that my ex dub is seeing a girl(I say girl, cuz she is only 19, and he is in late 20's), not that age matters at all...unless maybe if you're 95 dating a 20 yr old, but I won't get into that. I saw them together, side by side he was holding her hand, which to me signals a red flag--if he was holding her hand out in the open, they must be serious? He only held my hand behind closed doors. Every inch of me felt flamed with jealousy, I instantly felt hatred for this girl, whom I don't even know! I am over him, I did what was right to do, I couldn't live in his world, I'd never believe what he believes true, there was no future for us, and there never could be. After this encounter, my bad mood, er confusing fustrating moodiness, totally ruined what would've been a nice weekend with my present boyfriend--he was taking me up to his camp at a lake like 20 miles away--Me, in my sulken state of mind told him that I couldn't go. When he asked why, I said I was not feeling like myself. He know's why I am acting this way, he saw it too and observed my reaction. So, I spent the entire weekend hiding inside my house, trying to make sense of the senseless. I am such an idiot, I still feel like I wanna tar and feather her, figuratively speaking, of course. Don't know if me blatting online is the right thing, but I guess, I thought, I'd come here again for a little advice. Do I have the right to feel jealous over my ex's new relationship? Am I feeling normal feelings here? Does this mean that I might still be, OMG, in love with the fool? And how do I ever make this up to Scott?? Any psychologists in the house??

  • minimus

    You just got a little jealous, girlfriend...that's all. Chalk it up to wanting to have some control over him and feeling that if he doesn't see you, he shouldn't see anybody else. Of course, that's unreasonable. Tell your boyfriend that you were thrown for a loop when you saw your ex with someone else. Don't lie to him. Hopefully, he'll understand that you reacted badly and not hold it against you. If he stays upset for too long, that should tell you something.

  • LB

    I think it's very normal to feel jealous. You fell hard for this guy. It can take up to a couple of years to really be over a relationship. Which of course can lead to destroying current relationships.

    He held her hand in public which probably means she's a JW??

    Just don't let yourself get into the mindset of thinking you miss him. You don't miss him. You might miss the fantasy of what you thought you guys could have ended up being.

  • butalbee

    Yeah, probably some nice innocent little dub fallen head over heels for him, hoping to marry him and have little dub babies. Oh, Christ--what if they get married?? Mindset, eh? I've dwelled on this all weekend.

  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    Look on it more as a you cant bear to see them happy kind of thing. Ive been divorced from my first wife for 16 years, and It was at least 10 years before I could bear the thought of her being happy. I wanted her in misery every day, not very forgiving of me I know. Actually, shes a nun in a radical Catholic splinter group, so she joined a cult after the divorce. A fate even I couldnt have arranged, if id wanted to.

  • Beck_Melbourne

    Eeeeeekkkk don't need him!! He's not the one for don't be letting yourself turn inside out over this guy.

    Love the one you're with girlfriend.

    The jealousy thing is natural...but you so have to get over him. Your new man sounds like he really digs you...and that's what you want...someone who's returning your affection.

    Personally, I'm for Scott...the other guy is a no good dub


    Edited by - Beck_Melbourne on 26 August 2002 0:9:31

  • butalbee

    [email protected]!!! You always make me laugh.

    I don't "think"???????I want to be w/ ding dub, but It's like I don't want him w/ anybody else either. I wanna see him happy, of course--alone.

    Scott is an incredible guy, who now is probably thinking to himself, "why get mixed up with someone who clearly has feeling for someone else". And I really don't know what to say, how to explain to him. I really don't have an explanation.

  • Been there
    Been there


    It is very normal to be Jealous. As I write I can even feel your jealousy.

    Especialy the first time you saw them together. You are mourning what might have been. Not what was but what MIGHT have been. And you really don't want him to be happy. You want him to be miserable missing you and missing what MIGHT have been, if only he hadn't have been such a jerk. He's not right for you, but it hurts to think he might be right for someone else. If he is good enough for someone else??? "Then maybe he's okay and there is something wrong with me"??? "Maybe things weren't as bad as I thought" (don't second guess yourself, they were) You don't want him but you don't want anyone else to want him either!

    This really is pretty normal. Grieving the death of a relationship. Mourning the loss of what might have been. Knowing there is no turning back (not that you wanted to) once you have been replaced. Knowing what you know, replace your jealousy for him to pity for her. She is young and seeing stars.

    Your new guy is perfect! He treats you like a princess! He's everything you want! PLEAD TEMPORARY INSANITY. Shower him with love and affection for putting up with your silliness, ask for forgiveness, make it up to him. AND MOVE ON. You are normal.

    IMHO, my 2 cents.

    edited for bad spelling (did I miss any?)

    Edited by - Been There on 26 August 2002 6:30:41

  • SYN

    Hehehehe, little Dub babies, LOL!

    Why are you worried about what your ex is getting up to? From all accounts, your current guy sounds great - appreciate what you've got, and pity the poor Dub guy and his Dub chick!

  • Prisca

    Been there,

    Don't worry about your spelling. The advice you gave is great, and that's the main thing.

    I also LOL'd at "little dub babies".

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