Sorry things are so tumultuous for you right now.
Emotions in and of themselves are not "right" or "wrong", they just are.That was one of the things I hated about the dub lifestyle-being expected to control everything, right down to how we feel about things.How passion for anything but God and the organization was practically a four-letter word.
I can tell you from experience, your jealousy is very normal.You cared deeply for the guy.Just because you were insightful enough to realize that you couldn't spend the rest of your life with him, that didn't completely erase your feelings for him.He's a part of your history.Our brains and hearts remember well.
The same thing happend to me years ago.I was in an intense relationship with my husband's best friend. I found out he didn't care about me as much as I cared for him when he abruptly and unceremoniously dumped me.Fortunately for me, he moved out of town shortly thereafter.My husband kept a respectful distance for a few months, then asked me out(we had been friends the whole time I was dating my ex).He later told me that he had wanted to date me the entire time I was with his friend.About six months after we started dating, my ex came back and asked me to go back with him.He even wanted me to move to state he lived in. I was torn, but I realized that my new boyfriend treated me a lot better than my "true love" had, and I turned my ex down.Still though, when mutual friends just had to tell me he got married about two years after my husband and I married, I cried for a week.My husband was hurt, but I had always been honest with him how I felt about his friend,so he just held me while I cried.It took ten years for the intensity of my feelings for that guy to fade, but they did.In the meantime, my husband did some really awful things that he needed to be forgiven for himself (not related in any way to my ex-partially related to JWs). Looking back now, I have a fond remembrance for that portion of my history, but I'm also able to see that he really was not the guy for me.
For many people who are in a relationship for any amount of time, jealousy is something that has to be dealt with.This will probably not be the last time you have to face it.It happens even in very good relationships, because as I said before,emotions just are.
It sounds to me that a lot of what you're grieving over is the fact that your ex didn't seem to want to make his relationship with you publicly known.That can really hurt when you care deeply about someone (my ex did that to me, also).I was curious as to why this might be so.Was it just a personal preference on his part, or was it due to some theocratic thing?If the latter is the fact, maybe part of what you are grieving is how your former religion interfered with your relationship.This happened to my husband and I in a very big way.
So go ahead and have a good cry, sweetie. Eat your favorite comfort foods, sing your heart out to some good break up tunes(maybe not if current beau is around).Then go take the hand of that guy who treats you like a princess and walk side by side with him.That's much better than having to walk so many paces behind like a woman from some Middle eastern country(they still do this,as I was told by an Iranian woman I recently met) because for whatever reason, the guy doesn't have enough respect for you or courage to acknowledge your relationship.
PS Sorry my posts are so long-I'm a budding writer and am naturally wordy.I'm working on getting em shorter:)