Why am I lacking in self esteem? Probably a combination of things. My father put me down a great deal when I was young. I was always forgetting to do things and he would tell me how dumb I was. It was only in my adult years that I can see that I've always had ADD, and that if something doesn't hold your interest, your mind simply goes off in another direction, end of story. Naturally we didn't know anything about ADD when I was a kid, so I simply thought I was an incredibly stupid, dumb person. Then there was the religion. From Grade 1 - 12, I was made fun of by other kids at school because I was a Witness. The total lack of support in my life from either family, the congregation or school really did a number on my self esteem and that started my bad eating habits. I gained weight in school and was teased for that too.
Even though I lost weight when I got out of school, started wearing makeup and dressing nice, that total feeling of worthlessness never left me, and I was absolutely overwhelmed by the attention I was getting from men - I just couldn't handle it. That's so stupid, as most woman I think DO enjoy compliments from me, but not me. In fact, I found it so difficult to handle, that I started eating again, as I didn't want men giving me compliments........how dumb is THAT???
Even though I'm overweight (again!), I STILL get men hitting on me, but I feel totally embarrassed when it happens. I've been to counselling for my self esteem problem, and even though I've been told that it's not my fault I have ADD, and I never see the kids I went to school with, etc. etc., I am without a doubt, an overly emotional person and I take everything right to heart. If someone says I'm dumb, I'll think I'm not just dumb, but the dumbest person on planet earth. Unfortunately, this doesn't apply when someone tells me I'm good looking.
So I guess it's just a matter of the past catching up with you.......although in my case, it never really left.
Geeze, do I sound like a frigging whiner, or what????